Feeling Sad.

[Happybunny]

Hello.
I just got back from a few days holiday in a cottage after I m/c at 10 weeks last week. It was good to get away from home and all the Christmas celebrations...my heart wasn't in it.
The bleeding was immense and the pain horrible for most of the week, I feel physically drained. I managed to be quite chipper for most of the hols though. My lovely little sis was there who is 17 weeks pregnant. I am truly delighted for her, especially as she has pcos and getting pregnant was no mean feat. She was so wonderfully sensitive and supportive to me. However, I still couldn't help but feel sad for myself because of my loss and I feel so guilty for being ever so slightly jealous. I felt a real pang of guilt/sadness when we went shopping in Bath and I couldn't bring myself to go to Mothercare to help her look for maternity jeans. She didn't ask and didn't expect me to at all, but I felt I should have been able to.
I really feel so unbelievably sad, but I really don't want my sister to feel bad for being pregnant. I couldn't think of a more wonderful person to be a mother. Has anybody else been in a similar situation? Does it get easier?
I am due back at work next Monday, but I don't know if I am ready to face it yet. Some people knew at work, I just can't imagine how I am going to tell them without sounding like a drama queen or making them feeling guilty for asking how the pregnancy was going.

Sorry for all my rambling on, I just don't know what else to do.

M
x

 

[claire81]

I hae PMd you xx

 

[smurf]

Happybunny it does get easier honest just takes time. And the jealously is perfectly normal too. When I had my mc all I kept seeing was pregnant woman and small babies and I found it so very hard at first but time is a great healer. How I tried to look at it was that was my trial run next time is for real. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get a new bpf very soon.

 

[tracey 2]

Hi hun

Hey its still a recent thing for you and you are bound to feel like this. Im so glad your sister is being supportive. You have to take one day at a time and you will get through this i promise you.

You have to work through your emotions as you get them if you feel you want to cry then cry just let it all out.

You are a strong person and you can do this and it will be hard.

Please look after yourself and you know where i am if you need me and i hope you are feeling better now.

Take care im thinking of you.

 

[mishm]

so sorry for your loss it will be difficult for you just now but thats just normal and as the other ladie's have said it will heal with time.
always here if you need a chat xx

 

[valentine]

Hey HappyBunny,

I hope you don't mind me replying - I just wanted to say that I think you are being really understanding and cool about everything - it would have been easy for you to throw a hissy fit and not want to be around your sister (who I think posts on here too, is that right?) but you have been there for her and supported her.

I think you should maybe go to the docs and ask to be signed off for a week or so to give you some time to grieve. You could then contact someone at work and ask them to tell the people who knew for you - this might be easier than dealing with it yourself?

I absolutely agree that this pregnancy was a trial run - and you will go on to have a happy and healthy pregnancy in time, when you and your OH are ready. I am thinking of you lovely.

Valentine xxx

 

[Happybunny]

Hi peeps,

Thank you for all your supportive messages. My sister does post here, but not too often (Lillibut). She is lovely and I couldn't be upset with her for being pregnant, she has waited a long time and will be a great mum! I just don't want her to feel sad or guilty for being pregnant.

My mood changes from day to day. One day I am ok, next I am really upset. The bleeding and pain has stopped though, thank god!! The doc has given me anti-depressants today to help with my newly aquired anxiety attacks and I have some counselling with a mental health nurse next week.

I was thinking of getting next week off of work, but I don't know whether I should just bite the bullet and go...maybe it will take my mind off of it. Having said that, I have no lesson plans as I haven't been up to doing any prep. I might ring my head teacher for a chat tomorrow. She is very understanding and supportive.

Thanks for all your support, it is good to know that other people have gone through this and come out the other side. I am sure I will get there too, the tunnel just seems a little dark at the minute.

M
x

 

[foxymum]

i know what you are going through hun as i suffered a miscarraige a few years ago.
look at me now! have 3 lovely children.
sorry you are going through this hun.

 

[tracey 2]

hi hun we are all here should you need us at anytime.

You will have mood changes a lot its a huge thing for a woman to go through. I have been having panic attacks for years now but i have learnt to cope and deal with them and you will to using different techniques to help you breathe.
Good luck with the counselling next week it really does help im still going now every now and then if a new issue comes up.

Going back to work is a very hard thing to do and its a very personal choice only you know what you want to do. I would speak to your head teacher but at the end of the day its your choice whether you feel up to it. Like you say you havent done any prep work so maybe another week or so off so you can get back in to the swing of things.

I went back to work a week after and it was so hard as im a nursery nurse and work with under 2's but im learning to deal with it even better now and you will too.

We are all here for you so look after yourself. PM me anytime you want a chat at all.

 

[*glow*]

Hi Honey

Just wanted to say that even though everything seems dark at the moment just remind yourself it will get brighter. You have been through a massive mental upheaval and physically you have been through so much too.

I had panic attacks after losing our baby, and the Dr recommended anti depressants which I ended up taking because he said to me 'your brain can't make sense of what has happened these will just help boost you back up'. As Tracey said talk all you can and give yourself some space.

Its a personal thing and the healing process is personal too. But remember those of us who have been there are always there to talk to, and give yourself a break to grieve.

Thinking of you

Lots of xxxx

 

[fynemum]

I promise you it does get easier, you just need to give yourself time, and you have to be understanding to yourself too..... Be good to you, Lv Yvonne xx

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Hun im so sorry its normal to feel like this give your self some time to heal and dont feel like you have to go back to work yet give yourself time. wishing you all the best
Katrina

 

[flower]

Hi,

Imso sorry to hear how sad you are feelling. I can really understand what you are going through. the day i had my miscarriage i found out that my sister in law was having twins. I found it really hard to deal with. And im still finding it hard. I havent even been to see her yet cause it really upsets me. But i am so so happy for them, i just need a little more time to get over my loss. Dont worry, im sure she understands that this is hard for you. Just concentrate on get yourself better and im sure with time everything will get easier.
Stay strong and remember that it will all be better eventually.

Hugs,

Flower x

 

[Happybunny]

Hello,

Again, thanks for your messages of support, it really does give me comfort.

Things are getting better. I am able to talk about my m/c with friends and be absolutely fine about it...although I will punch the next person who says 'at least you can drink now!'

I am feeling much more eager to get my panic attacks sorted so that we can try again as soon as possible. I know it will take time, but at least I am not thinking 'what's the point, I'll never have a baby'...as I did about one week ago.

The anti-depressents are beginning to take effect now, so my panics are reducing, however, I have got the week off of work to calm down as my anxiety is preventing me from sleeping. I have my counselling session on Wednesday and I have booked for a hypnotherapy session on Thursday. I have never had hypnotherapy before, but the guy spent 40 minutes talking to me on the phone and does believe it will help me to calm down. (I am paying him, maybe he would say that! But I am keeping an open mind as I am desperate right now.)

My head teacher was fantastic and has given me lots of support.

I do feel particularly 'mental' at the moment. I know it isn't very pc, but it is how I feel. But I do feel like things are looking up, I am beginning to feel better and I have got lots of support both on a professional and personal level.

The only way is up.
M
x

 

[neeko_1]

hun i'm happy your feeling better in your self it gets easy from here i know that for sure.. and never ever give up hope...this will just make you stronger... and i always think that people who have lost a baby and then go on to have a baby will appreciate it more i think


thake care hun

 

[tracey 2]

hey hun glad your are feeling better and you are getting the support you need and that you deserve.

It will happen for you again soon so please keep thinking positive look after yourself as you are the important one and then try again.

Take care and we are all here for you if you need us anytime

 

[whyslifesobig]

hello chick,
I am so sorry for your loss, may your angel fly free in foreverland.
I mc last summer and my bubs would be due in 2 days time (tho in reality probably would have been here by now). I still get prangs of jealously when I see bumps and can't help but wonder. The thing is my angel like yours was not ment to be and it does get easier. And you know what when you are around your sisters bub you will be filled with nothing but aunty love. my niece and best friend gave birth weeks after I mc and I found it really hard at the time but now I love my lil buddies so much.
It human to feel jealous and hurt at this time and you can only let these feelings happen. I am unusual in thinking these days that antidepresants shouldn't be given for grief as it is a natural emotion that shouldn't be supressed by drug. Only time and tears take away the hurt and it is a very real pain that hurts deep down in your chest but this hurt is there for a reason.
Hope you feel better soon. Keep talking through it and maybe you should choose a special song for your bubs. It helped me.

If you ever need to talk just PM and I will be there. xx

 

[Happybunny]

Thanks for you message whyislifesobig.
I am feeling better with each passing day. I have finally admitted to myself that I am not pregnant any more and am making a good start on the healing process. My sister and I have talked candidly about our feelings and I am really looking forward to a little niece or nephew.

I am only taking anti-depressants to control severe anxiety attacks, not for depression or grief; like you, I do believe in experiencing grief, it is a natural emotion.

I have had severe panic attacks for about 10 years, but they were well controlled with drugs before I got pregnant. The lack of medication during pregnancy has seen them return with some gusto. The stress of m/c has exacerbated it somewhat also.

I am going to wait to TTC until I have had cognitive behaviour therapy and feel able to try another pregnancy without medication. It may take a few months; it may take a few years. Either way, I am committed to getting rid of this anxiety once and for all.

Thank you for your kind message and I am really sorry about your loss. Having a special song is a lovely idea.

M
x