Really piss** of =/

[mummykay]

Bloody hell on a stick.
My god, I can't wait until I'm about 5 years older, I really hate those (no ofence but you're only..." comments. One,age is no criteria. Two, even when it is,the person in question doesn't need to be reminded.

SarahH, I agree with what you were saying about maintainance. That is EXACTLY how I feel.
It should be the choice of the mother, whether to claim off the man.
Poor, poor ickle men. Whipping out their John Thomas, making a baby, then having to pay f*ck all a week.... like it actualy measures up to the time,money or effort the parent who sticks around will be putting in Shaft em if you wish, that's what i say, they are grown men and they know the consequences as well as the rest of us. A man has a responsibility to his own child, end of.

ANYWAY......Jazz, I have a Grade A qualification in Teenage Motherhood from the University of I Made an Oopsie....and what i would say would be

1) If you are off school for a year,go back. I continued at school all through pregnancy and got 11 bloody good GCSE's. Also, four months is nothing. I only had four months of school to learn my AS level courses, and I ended up with 2 A's and a C. If you really don't want to go back, study at home and do your exams anyway. it's perfectly feasible to believe you'll pass them. If you work that is. Pregnancy isn't a disability, as my granny would say of course there is the depression, but still... it will be so much easier for you if you can get some decent GCSE grades, then you can go to 6th form college or w/e....otherwise you'll be playing catch up til you're 30.

2) Talk to your mother. Keep on at her (in a nice way) to see if she'll change her mind. She IS your mother after all. If not, can you not try to get into a special mother and baby unit? I think i mentioned before about a girl I know in one of those, and she actually really liked it, there was such a lot of support and friendship from the other young mums. Which is something you need so much in this position

3) Your ex has to face up to his responsibilities, if not emotionally then financially. End of.

I agree with what others have said about saving and getting a small saturday job. Now is the time, over Xmas...I've been eharing my friends talk about how much they are getting for working Christmas and Boxing Day...Call centres especially, my mate is getting like 170 for working one day or something crazy

There she is!!!! We salute u Prime Minister

 

[zebrastripes]

Sorry Jade but I do not agree with your statement.
If a man helps get a women pregnant but chooses to p*ss off then why shouldnt he pay?
He dam well should, why does that make the women look bad, it makes then look smart for not letting the man think he can help make a baby but step out of the life completely.
Why should it all be put on the mother who does everything.
You should not have pride when it comes to a situation like this.

Well, I think if it's the bloke who refuses to have anything to do with the kid, then there's no reason to let him out of his financial responsibilities.
However, if the mother decides to deliberately stop the father from seeing his child because she wants nothing to do with him, then she kind of forfeits the right to maintenance. I've read too often how fathers have been degraded to just maintenance paying (usually being tagged "sperm donors" at the same time) and not given any rights to their kids, and I think that's a sad thing. No matter how badly a relationship between the adults went wrong, a kid has the right to both parents. So in that way, I must say that I agree with Jade.

But then if he doesn't pay any money towards his children, it's the children who would miss out. If for instance OH and I broke up, and I suddenly morphed into uberbitch and denied all access, I know he'd still want to pay HIS money to feed and clothe HIS child. He knows it would go to Willow and not on shoes or clothes or some shit.

By not paying maintainence, its the child who suffers

 

[mummykay]

can u tell Iv been waitin for ZS to get her bum on aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day?!

 

[SarahH]

ANYWAY......Jazz, I have a Grade A qualification in Teenage Motherhood from the University of I Made an Oopsie....

I love this line!!! Zebs, you have such a fab way with words at time!

And thank you for agreeing and making me feel a little less crazy!

 

[Morganuk]

[quote="fran_23":fuhc35fw]

Plus the fact i am not thinking of my pride i am thinking of my child eating and wearing clothes! theres more important things in life than cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Beleive me... my child would NOT do without! I would work my arse off to make sure he/she could have everything they want.

Thats fine, if you have childcare/nursery ect, but what about when that isnt a choice? Sayyyy if my OH left, and p*ssed off, how exactly would i 'work my arse off' to provide, when i HAVE to do all the childcare?? - and i would have to till my youngest is 3 y/o. Im hardly gonna be able to get a part-time job that will pay for 2 children under 2y/o's childcare.
while the 'dad' can just get on with his life, do what he wants career wise ect.
im not getting at you at all !! im just saying that 'working your ass off' is not always a choice.

orked for before, and if I couldnt do that I would take varoious part time jobs, even if it were cleaning.... I wouldnt care. And I would HAVE to pay for the childcare as my Mum is unfort no longer here and my Dad works
Just the way I was brought up I suppose.... everyone else seems to think I am mad, but this is what I truely would do![/quote:fuhc35fw]


But why should you have to struggle and wear yourself into the ground?
Im not saying your mad, your clearly a strong minded and determined women but you should not have to work your ass off alone when a man helped make the child.

 

[fran_23]

ZS your saying that the man shouldnt get away without paying but Sarah is saying she wouldnt take money off them, ad you just said you agreed with her. i'm confused

 

[widowwadman]

I see the point your making, zebrastripes, I guess I'd prefer it if mothers couldn't stop their kids from seeing their fathers. Which is a completely different kettle of fish, I guess.

 

[zebrastripes]

can u tell Iv been waitin for ZS to get her bum on aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day?!

I've been busy oiling the wheels of socialism at school. And the careers library computers won't let me on to PF cos apparently it's a "possible sexual references/adult content site"

Bit late for that!

 

[SarahH]

[quote="fran_23":1gu64bl3]

Plus the fact i am not thinking of my pride i am thinking of my child eating and wearing clothes! theres more important things in life than cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Beleive me... my child would NOT do without! I would work my arse off to make sure he/she could have everything they want.

Thats fine, if you have childcare/nursery ect, but what about when that isnt a choice? Sayyyy if my OH left, and p*ssed off, how exactly would i 'work my arse off' to provide, when i HAVE to do all the childcare?? - and i would have to till my youngest is 3 y/o. Im hardly gonna be able to get a part-time job that will pay for 2 children under 2y/o's childcare.
while the 'dad' can just get on with his life, do what he wants career wise ect.
im not getting at you at all !! im just saying that 'working your ass off' is not always a choice.

orked for before, and if I couldnt do that I would take varoious part time jobs, even if it were cleaning.... I wouldnt care. And I would HAVE to pay for the childcare as my Mum is unfort no longer here and my Dad works
Just the way I was brought up I suppose.... everyone else seems to think I am mad, but this is what I truely would do!

But why should you have to struggle and wear yourself into the ground?
Im not saying your mad, your clearly a strong minded and determined women but you should not have to work your ass off alone when a man helped make the child.[/quote:1gu64bl3]

Because I would get to see the joy on my little ones face when I BOUGHT them something they wanted - not something that a pig of a man paid for that has never shown one bit of interest in them

 

[mummykay]

can u tell Iv been waitin for ZS to get her bum on aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day?!

I've been busy oiling the wheels of socialism at school. And the careers library computers won't let me on to PF cos apparently it's a "possible sexual references/adult content site"

Bit late for that!

Do they not know ur a mamma and ur Cabinet on here needs u?! Outrageous!!!

 

[zebrastripes]

ZS your saying that the man shouldnt get away without paying but Sarah is saying she wouldnt take money off them, ad you just said you agreed with her. i'm confused

Nono Sarah said (unless I misread) that the fathers should pay,UNLESS it was the mother's personal choice- due to reasons of pride etc...that he didn't. For instance, if he'd beat her around, you know "I don't want any of his dirty money" etc

Which i agree with, as for me, money would be associated with pride in that way.

However, unless the mother herself takes a decision that she doesn't want any of his money, then he should have to pay,end of.

My point being, it's down to the female, or the parent who will be taking responsibility. Unless they are absolved by the mother, the fathers should have to pay regardless of whether they are being "shafted" or not

 

[Morganuk]

deleted

 

[zebrastripes]

can u tell Iv been waitin for ZS to get her bum on aaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day?!

I've been busy oiling the wheels of socialism at school. And the careers library computers won't let me on to PF cos apparently it's a "possible sexual references/adult content site"

Bit late for that!

Do they not know ur a mamma and ur Cabinet on here needs u?! Outrageous!!!

No the evil pig-dogs make me write essays about bloody sylphs. And then when I try to make out that the protaganist in The Rape of the Lock is a victim of the patriarchy, they tell me I'm going off on a tangent

 

[Jade&Evie]

I wish I hadnt used the word shafted now lol.... it sounds a bit vulgar!

It's the chavvy teenage mum (from essex! ) in me

 

[SarahH]

I said if he ditched me while I was pregnant and didnt want anything to do with bubs, then I wouldnt want anything to do with him inc money!

 

[mummykay]

I wish I hadnt used the word shafted now lol.... it sounds a bit vulgar!

It's the chavvy teenage mum (from essex! ) in me

U said it not me...

Love ya hun, where would I be without my chavvy partner in crime haha

 

[mummykay]

No the evil pig-dogs make me write essays about bloody sylphs. And then when I try to make out that the protaganist in The Rape of the Lock is a victim of the patriarchy, they tell me I'm going off on a tangent

Im not even gonna pretend to know what any of that meant ZS, but nod my head in awe and clap lol

 

[Red_Fairy]

[quote="fran_23":27xcdnix]

Plus the fact i am not thinking of my pride i am thinking of my child eating and wearing clothes! theres more important things in life than cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Beleive me... my child would NOT do without! I would work my arse off to make sure he/she could have everything they want.

Thats fine, if you have childcare/nursery ect, but what about when that isnt a choice? Sayyyy if my OH left, and p*ssed off, how exactly would i 'work my arse off' to provide, when i HAVE to do all the childcare?? - and i would have to till my youngest is 3 y/o. Im hardly gonna be able to get a part-time job that will pay for 2 children under 2y/o's childcare.
while the 'dad' can just get on with his life, do what he wants career wise ect.
im not getting at you at all !! im just saying that 'working your ass off' is not always a choice.

It would be my choice tho... I would go back to the same sort of industry I worked for before, and if I couldnt do that I would take varoious part time jobs, even if it were cleaning.... I wouldnt care. And I would HAVE to pay for the childcare as my Mum is unfort no longer here and my Dad works
Just the way I was brought up I suppose.... everyone else seems to think I am mad, but this is what I truely would do![/quote:27xcdnix]

my point isnt talking about what is the 'right' thing to do. Im not saying anything like being on benifits is the easier way out. Your missing my point.

cleaner on average is N.M.W.
16 hours p/w x 5.73 p/h = 91.68 (before tax)
id probably have to pay 150, probably more, for 16 hours childcare. (i have 2 kids)

you see my point, yes you might be a person who will have 20 part time jobs to make sure your kids dont go without - but in the real world YOU'D probably be worse off.

My point is saying the father SHOULD have to pay, which you agree with, me being on the moral high ground, would probably see me worse off.

 

[Jade&Evie]

[quote="Red_Fairy":19mz24pv]

[quote="fran_23":19mz24pv]

Plus the fact i am not thinking of my pride i am thinking of my child eating and wearing clothes! theres more important things in life than cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Beleive me... my child would NOT do without! I would work my arse off to make sure he/she could have everything they want.

Thats fine, if you have childcare/nursery ect, but what about when that isnt a choice? Sayyyy if my OH left, and p*ssed off, how exactly would i 'work my arse off' to provide, when i HAVE to do all the childcare?? - and i would have to till my youngest is 3 y/o. Im hardly gonna be able to get a part-time job that will pay for 2 children under 2y/o's childcare.
while the 'dad' can just get on with his life, do what he wants career wise ect.
im not getting at you at all !! im just saying that 'working your ass off' is not always a choice.

It would be my choice tho... I would go back to the same sort of industry I worked for before, and if I couldnt do that I would take varoious part time jobs, even if it were cleaning.... I wouldnt care. And I would HAVE to pay for the childcare as my Mum is unfort no longer here and my Dad works
Just the way I was brought up I suppose.... everyone else seems to think I am mad, but this is what I truely would do![/quote:19mz24pv]

my point isnt talking about what is the 'right' thing to do. Im not saying anything like being on benifits is the easier way out. Your missing my point.

cleaner on average is N.M.W.
16 hours p/w x 5.73 p/h = 91.68 (before tax)
id probably have to pay 150, probably more, for 16 hours childcare. (i have 2 kids)

you see my point, yes you might be a person who will have 20 part time jobs to make sure your kids dont go without - but in the real world YOU'D probably be worse off.

My point is saying the father SHOULD have to pay, which you agree with, me being on the moral high ground, would probably see me worse off.[/quote:19mz24pv]

As a single mum and low income you would get up to 75% of childcare paid for and tax credits. It doesnt work out much difference to being on benefits but I think I would go mental being home 24:7 xx

 

[fran_23]

Me too and thats my situation right now and Haydens dad has paid me nothing for 2 months nearly..and i am coping but i don't see why its ok for him to swan around moving to sheffield living it up spending £200 on nights out..its not fair! i would love to say to him pee off but he wants to see his son and isnt paying a penny! if he didnt want to see Hayden i still don't see why he shouldn't have to give money to HAYDEN its not for me to say oh no he can piss off i dont need his money..thats denying my son..wheter i can get 100 jobs and provide for him or not!!
No you get "UP TO" 75% off childcare it would still be about £100 a week and thats for 5 hours a day..what kind of job is gonna pay enough for that and the rent and bills being 5 hours a day 5 days a week?? anyway thats isnt the point whether i have a job or not his dad has a responsibility to pay something towards his son!

Whatever anyway i'm outta here too low to argue..i feel shit and this isnt making me feel less shit as i said before i better just let Haydens dad have him and i wont pay anything towards him as that acceptable.