OH -- don't know what to do

[Amyrose]

I am gonna talk to him over dinner and basically tell him that it isn't on! I understand that he needs releif but re crush thing is perverse and I can't deal with it and if can't live without it he'll have to live without me and bubs

you stay strong hun remain calm and show him you mean what you say. Im sure he loves you with all his heart and would never want to loose you or your little bean. Men are like kids they will be naughty if they think they can get away with it. it will all work out in the end xxxx

 

[Lilelephant]

Thanks Amy. X

 

[Sarah13]

Good luck speaking to him, does sound like he's taking things too far anything involving animals (big or small) is just a step too far and illegal, I thought maybe he was looking at the other crush things which I'd say is each to their own, but this isn't on, my hubby would be in a lot of trouble too, totally understand where your coming from now.

 

[Princess81]

Yeh can u explain that this could actually get him into trouble because it's illegal - illegal for a good reason? X

 

[Bunnykins]

Sorry to butt in in a tri 2 post, but I agree with what everyone has said hon, you def need to talk to him about it, and show him you mean it when you say no more. I personally don't have a problem with a bloke finding relief in other ways particularly during a dry spell like pregnancy, but with more typical blokey harmless playboy type stuff, which is just blokes being curious and being blokes! but you start getting into the subscription and hardcore stuff and that's where it crosses the line for me, if your oh didn't know you had a problem with it then he'd have an excuse for carrying on, but you've given him an ultimatum and told him no more, so I can't understand why he is putting it before your relationship and taking that risk. To me a lifetime with someone I love vs a few sordid moments with some fetish porn there is just no competition and I can't see why he doesn't see that?

At the end of the day he has a lot of proving to do to you that he is worthy of your respect, and I think making him see you are serious about your ultimatum is a good start. Massive hugs honey and remember your Lo needs you so take care and dont get stressed xxxxx

 

[littlemiss83]

Dont you dare think this is your fault. He is all the adult he's ever gonna be, if you's are going without you know what then he has to be an adult and learn to live without it w/out turning to sick things.

Hope you have a good lunch - try and put it all out your head for a while

 

[Susanne]

Very brave of you that you have decided to confront him about it. I really hope your talk goes well and you can sort this out somehow. Thinking of you.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I agree with what amy said previously about they dont know what they have til they are about to lose it..
I think ur OH needs help.. its normal for men to look at porn my ex's had VERY high sex drives and was always on it.. even the subscription sites and sex lines etc.. i dont agree with sex lines or exchanging photos with a 'woman'(comp) as i class it as cheating but porn is normal for a man.. id rather that than actual cheating. I dont get how some women wont allow even a very light amount of porn.. each to their own i suppose. maybe coz light porn would have been nice compared to the mountain i found.. but ive never heard anything like the crush thing! I dont see how anyone could find that sexually arousing.. Maybe suggest seeing a specialist? If u make him feel worse about his fetish he may just do it more behind your back and it makes it more 'naughty'... or it could go the other way and he feels your not supporting him in a way? does he get embarrassed when you catch him or does he think its normal? talk to him in a calm way and tell him you dont think its normal and will support him in getting help for it if he wants it.. if not then you cant go on with him doing this behind your back in the house and he should leave and find somewhere he can do it freely.
Im sorry you have to go through this honey u know we are all here for you

 

[Lilelephant]

Well I spoke to oh and he said he will see a counsellor! Progress me thinks! He then took me shopping bought me a mountain maternity clothes and went mad in the John Lewis baby clothes sale he he

 

[Piglet10]

glad things r semi sorted hun, also am curious, why is it illegal? xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Babe, thats fantastic news!!! Well done being so strong!!

Maybe your OH needs support more than made to feel like a freak as such.. Its not normal, but maybe its not his fault..

Im so happy for you!

 

[Kezzamunster]

Oh hun, well done you, very proud of you

That's fab progress to & on baby bits & maternity clothes

xxxx

 

[littlemiss83]

Thats great that things are looking up.

Jayceesmumma i'm one of those ones i'm afraid, even very light porn I wouldn't allow, I wouldn't kick him out over it, but it would definately put a strain on our relationship and I probably wouldn't be able to trust him. I just wouldn't want to be with someone who touches themself over other woman, makes me feel sick to my stomach tbh. I know alot of people disagree but im afraid thats me...

 

[Lilelephant]

The small animal bit is illegal in this country. X

 

[Susanne]

Well done, MrsMc! That must have been a tough conversation to have, I'm so glad he saw sense and is going to get help to get over this! Well done both of you!

 

[Lilelephant]

Thanks for all the advice and support

 

[Princess81]

Will you keep an eye on him to make sure he goes? x

 

[Susanne]

Jayceesmumma i'm one of those ones i'm afraid, even very light porn I wouldn't allow, I wouldn't kick him out over it, but it would definately put a strain on our relationship and I probably wouldn't be able to trust him. I just wouldn't want to be with someone who touches themself over other woman, makes me feel sick to my stomach tbh. I know alot of people disagree but im afraid thats me...

Just so that you don't think your all on your lonesome with this: I also feel this way. I gather from this thread that many women have no problem with their partners looking at soft, or even not quite so soft, porn, and I suppose if both partners are ok with this, then so be it. Each to their own, as enough girls on here have said. But personally I do NOT think that it is a normal thing that all men do. I think that a lot of that porn stuff is done by desperate, exploited people who have little choice in the matter for some reason or another, and I do NOT think that it is ok. I think that there are a lot of decent men out there who do not get a hard-on over looking at the humiliation of other people (mainly women), and call me naive, but I believe that my husband is one of those. I hope I am not upsetting anyone here, that is really not what I have in mind. Just wanted there to be more than just one lonely voice being of a different opinion.

 

[positivity :)]

its illegal because some of it is women in high heels standing on small animals (reports of puppies and kittens!) and any animal cruelty is illegal xx

 

[positivity :)]

mrsmc big

glad u had a chat and got somewhere.....and lots of new clothes and baby stuff

xx