OH doesn't want another baby.....

[Island girl]

Hi ladies,
Am very happily being a new mummy (Ethan is 5 weeks old and totally gorgeous!)

I am going to the docs this week for my 6 week check and know the subject of contraception will be raised. So I spoke to OH about it last night, only for him to announce he doesn't want any more children so we should look at something permanent.

His reasons...he has 2 other children from his previous marriage (who live with their mum in the UK, we live in the US)also financial implications (although if ever I am concerned about money he always says we don't need to worry about it as we are fine.....) he says Ethan has 2 brothers already, but clearly they won't have a relationship with him as they will only see him probably twice a year and have shown no interest in him being born anyway.

I am SO upset about this, and feel very sad that Ethan won't have a sibling to grow up with, especially as we are so far away from all my friends and family.

I don't even want to speak to him I am so upset (I know it's childish and I will have to get over it, but I feel like his other children always come first as it is and they are very spoilt, and now they are the reason that I can't have another child too!!!!!)

Sorry for the rant? Anyone else been in a similar situation and dealt with it better than I seem to be...??

 

[Emily0505]

I'm in totally the same situation with the exact same reasons given.

I'm going to keep working at it though, hopefully he'll change his mind

XX

 

[Island girl]

I hope you can get him to change his mind too xx

 

[LouiseB]

Have you said to him what you've just said to us?

Maybe without accusing him about caring about his other kids more, which i'm sure isn't true, but maybe he just isn't connecting the dots that two half siblings on the other side of the world aren't really siblings at all.

If he is paying his fair share for his other kids and flights i can understand it being expensive, but i'm not sure two mouths are any more expensive than one mouth on a day to day basis xx

 

[Pippa1703]

Over 2 years ago, I nearly broke up with my boyfriend because he said he categorically will never ever get marries again. He had a hard divorce. One day, I want to be married. I don't want to have kids with forever unmarried parents, (basically I don't want to be my mother!) I thought about ending it there and then.

Part of me thought, he'll change his mind, and he thought I'd come to realise that marriage isn't important.

We now talk about "when" we get married we're not engaged, I don't want to rush it, but times past as he's warmed to the idea a lot more and even told me "I'll marry you one day"

My point being, you've just had a child, a huge event. Tell him you want the opportunity to change his mind because you don't feel it's fair to dismiss it yet?

 

[LikeJohnnYoko]

I know it's hard, but what about respecting his decision? He has strong reasons for not wanting another child, and it would be better for your LO to grow up practically an only child than for him to give way under pressure and then resent the resulting child.

He may change his mind over time, so I guess give him time and space and enjoy spending time with your newborn (congrats!) I guess if I were you, I'd ask him not to consider the snip and just to use the contraception available to you to avoid pregnancy for now.

 

[Emily0505]

For me its a case of never say never. I would rather leave our options open as he may feel differently in a year or so. We had another chat about it last night and i do completely see where he is coming from. I'm not going to mention it again and just enjoy this precious time with Cam and then see how we both feel and what sort of position we are in in the future.

XX

 

[DaisyDoo]

Just give it all a bit of time, your baby is only just 5wks old and if i remember rightly in our house when dd was 5wks old we were never ever going to have another baby!
Having the snip is a bit drastic though, maybe have a chat with him about that rather than saying about another baby.
Its very hard though, i was ready for a baby much sooner than my dh was and it was a really hard time for me

 

[redbear]

maybe you can get the coil that lasts 5 year or 10 if none hormonal that gives u a lot of time to think and it can be removed. did he make u feel like he wanted more kids when you first got together? xx

 

[Squeakz]

id suggest having a long term non perm one like the coil. i thinknits a case of never say never. ultimately he does have 3 children already and sonhis reasons for not having more children are valid?! my oh has said he doesnt want another one after this one and i woild love three. instead of pressuring him in to commiting to another child when ur still in the difficult stages of parenthood wait until you're a little estabpished family. he may change his mind but he may not. you pressuring him,well wantinf him, to have more children is just the same as him pressuring you to not. you need tonsee how you get on...

xx

 

[wifeywifey]

Over 2 years ago, I nearly broke up with my boyfriend because he said he categorically will never ever get marries again. He had a hard divorce. One day, I want to be married. I don't want to have kids with forever unmarried parents, (basically I don't want to be my mother!) I thought about ending it there and then.

Part of me thought, he'll change his mind, and he thought I'd come to realise that marriage isn't important.

We now talk about "when" we get married we're not engaged, I don't want to rush it, but times past as he's warmed to the idea a lot more and even told me "I'll marry you one day"

My point being, you've just had a child, a huge event. Tell him you want the opportunity to change his mind because you don't feel it's fair to dismiss it yet?

Wss, you have a 5 week old at that age I didnt want more I'd love another now tho

 

[tambo1976]

When my babies were 5 weeks old I didn't even want sex again let alone another baby! "GET THAT THING AWAY FROM MEEEE!" springs to mind

But on a serious note, it's all about compromise, he cannot force you to do anything thats permanent. That would be totally unreasonable! just because he has 2 children from a previous relationship that should not impact on your dream of having more than 1 child. I think he really is being unreasonable. I would simply give it time and hopefully he will understand why this is important to you, more so living so far from family and friends. I completely understand why you would want your LO to have a sibling as I feel strongly about it too xxx

 

[siouxie]

He may change his mind in the future. I wouldnt do anything permanent. What if in the future you break up and want a child with somebody else.. He might have 2 other children but you don't its a bit selfish to use that as an excuse.

 

[kiwifrootkai]

It's so soon after your lovely little bundle, maybe he just needs some time? I don't know if anyone could make that decision straight away!!

Hope you get it resolved tho hun

xo

 

[BevG]

id just flat out say no, i dont want another child now but one way or another i will be having another baby as i want two, no argument or anything.