Hi guys thanks for all your support, I'm overwhelmed by you lovely ladies reaching out and offering your help and experience when it's not something as a woman you can easily admit and talk about, and for that I appreciate every answer on here
We had a massive talk last night that lasted for a good few hours (didn't realise the time and had to go to bed as was getting late!) it started off with me telling him all what I've told you ladies already and being very frank and honest. I think at first he was very angry that I'd internalized most if it (but I did explain I'd already tried talking / initiating things and he called me a pest) it ended up with me saying "I've never in my life felt so unloved" through lots of tears!
He said he never realised just how bad the situation has got other than me being off recently as after our last conversation he thought that was it, all sorted and we would work through our problem when trying to conceive (I'm ovulating next week) which in my opinion is a stereotypical male response of putting his head in the sand and not thinking, but that's by the by and I know that men and women's minds work differently.
He explained that he thinks we are both different people energy wise - e.g. I can work a full day, walk the 3 miles home, do the housework, and studying for a degree in the evening and still have the energy to do that, whereas he's different and he likes to properly relax and do nothing in the evenings and that's the type of people we are. He also says that when he do do it in the evenings he feels tired and exhausted the next morning when he gets up for work and it knocks his week out really. I replied that I don't mind not doing it in the week if it makes him feel like that we can wait until the weekends but lately it's not been then either!
He did admit he was a little resentful in that he told me this before and I still "tried it on" in the week so he ended up calling me a pest in a horrible way as a knee-jerk reaction but he didn't mean to upset me the way he did. I said because he called me that and made me feel like a sex crazed maniac I didn't really go near him at all (my ego playing a part there too) so he thinks that's why nothing got sorted because we both didn't communicate properly.
Anyway, in the very end he ended up apologising and saying he will try to make things better and asked me to just "ask" when I want it in which I got very angry and said when I do you make me feel like crap and call me names! And he grabbed me and pulled me up (we were both sitting on adjacent sofas) and took me upstairs and you can pretty much guess what happened next!! It was so weird though, it was very "carnal" as he puts it but also really loving and he kept saying he's really sorry (this is inbetween me saying I'm not sure we should do this as I feel he's only doing this to shut me up!) and can I just say it was probably one of the best moments I've ever had in our physical relationship and after that we sat cuddling and talking for ages and we said we are going to try and work through it all by talking it out from now on.
In summary, I don't think the issue has been completely resolved, we've still got a long way to go and I have to accept that my sex drive is higher than his and this is part of us being 2 different people. He did mention as well that he is really happy in the fact that if he is ever away on business or out with his mates and he's not with me he misses me in the way that he misses me as a person to talk to, rather than the sex he has with me - I know this sounds weird to other people but his reasoning is that he understands why men away on business have affairs, as if the husband and wife have only the physical side of the relationship (not the talking) they can easily get it elsewhere but the emotional stuff they have with their wife can't be replaced. (In short, he says he sees me more than just the physical sex object although he says he does enjoy it when we do do it).
I think we're both in the wrong here and we're going to work through it together. Like I said, I don't think this issue is completely resolved, it's going to take some time and lots of patience and understanding but I do hope by telling you ladies this helps some way towards your own issues with your OH's.
Has anyone got any opinions/comments on this as would be most welcomed
Us ladies need to stick together
xx
haha.
