Not coping :(

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by natz8531, Feb 18, 2016.

  1. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    I honestly feel like i am going out of my mind, i still HAVEN'T miscarried naturally, my anxiety has shot through the roof ( i've suffered this for 5 years ) i can't relax, eat or sleep properly, i don't know what to do, i'm new to this area so i don't know anyone that i can turn too, DH is trying to carry on as normal, he's not sure he wants to try again because of the state i got in with this one and the first one. I'm heading to epu tomorrow morning so i hope something happens to get the ball rolling, i wish i could have a good cry to calm myself but i can't even do that, i feel so numb, anyway sorry for the long winded rant, i had to get this of my chest :cry:
     
  2. Clementine

    Clementine Well-Known Member

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    Hi Natz - I am so sorry for your loss, I have had two MMC's and the second time we lost twins, I had a D&C each time - as I am based in Ireland it is normal to do a D&C they don't make make you wait if they are sure of dates and that a MMC has occurred. I felt the D&C was the better approach for me but it's really down to personal choice. With my first MMC I found it distressing waiting 3 days for the D&C so I know I wouldn't cope waiting weeks. When you go to the EPU tomorrow I would explain to the MW / consultant how anxious and distressed you are feeling, it might be worth asking to speak with a counsellor as it is good to share how you are feeling. Your DH is probably also in shock and I know it's very difficult for men to cope when they feel they can do nothing to ease our pain - I think the natural reaction is not to want you to go through this again. Hopefully tomorrow will bring some answers and that they will put a plan in place that you are happy with.
     
  3. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou, i hope so, i've not been able to get through on the phone this week with some questions i've had which is annoying, i've not really spoken to DH about it much, he's very groggy once we gets up as he works nights and i work from 5-9pm so we don't talk much, hopefully once this is over i can finally go back to being calm and be at ease and move forward.
     
  4. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    In the nicest possible way, I hope it does happen soon for you. You poor things.
    Take the time to heal emotionally and ask for help when you need it. Maybe ask at the doctor's for some counselling for miscarriage? Not only have you lost your baby, you are now in limbo and waiting for something really traumatising to happen. Not that you need me to tell you all that, but I'm not sure I would cope as well as you seem to be, so ask for help. There will be plenty of services around to support you.
    I know that your first thought is always about next time, but as hard as it is, try to focus on the now and getting through this. I will be thinking of you and I know you will be strong enough to come through the other side. Virtual hugs.
    Xxxxxxx
     
  5. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    Oh, and don't apologise. You have no reason to apologise. Acknowledge how tough this is for you because it is sooooo tough. You have a right to be upset, depressed and anxious.
    Xxx
     
  6. MelH999

    MelH999 Well-Known Member

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    Can your doc give you any medication or up any meds your on to help this not be so stressful for you?

    Sometimes it happening naturally can leave more lining for next preg and isn't as invasive. Maybe try hold on to that thought to try get through it xx
     
  7. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies, we went back to epu today and I opted for the medical management, which will hopefully start to work in a few hours (I had it done around 2pm) I couldn't wait for nature to take its course, my anxiety is crazy mad and I just need for this to be over so I can grieve properly and try to move forward and get back to some form of normality x
     
  8. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    Glad you've had some help.
    Have you tried ringing The Miscarriage Association, or looking at their leaflets online?
    They have been a huge source of support to me in good and bad times.
    Www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk
    I also have the number of one of their volunteers who is amazing. Xxxx
     
  9. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou, ill check out the site, i camt sleep anyway at the mo, will probably do me good to get some support, (although everyone i know thinks im being really strong and wont need it ) xxx
     
  10. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    In the nicest way possible, ignore what everyone else thinks! You know how you feel and you're obviously and, very understandably, feeling pretty awful.

    Reach out for help and take the time to get better. Good luck. Xxxxx
     
  11. MelH999

    MelH999 Well-Known Member

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    I was strong for about a week and then it just came and got me in the face. With lots of crying and sadness, I think it was a shock and way of coping at first, but don't be afraid to cry and tell people you are sad, and hurt. It actually helped me feel better. For the first time I'm actually starting to feel normal, so hopefully you will too. But take your time and feel how you need to feel, we are all different. X
     
  12. Sandytoes

    Sandytoes Member

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    Sorry to hear of your loss. As has been said above-try and ignore what other people say about how you should feel or how strong you are. You're entitled to feel and act however you want to after you've suffered such a devastating loss. I hope you get some support from the people around you Xxx
     
  13. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies, I havent been on for a while, I've signed myself up for cbt, hopefully that can combat the anxiety, trying to put a brave face on things isn't so easy :'(
     
  14. SiameseCatLady

    SiameseCatLady Well-Known Member

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    No, it's not easy but don't try... You don't have to try to be brave. Just be honest about how you're feeling with people.
    CBT is great. It will hopefully really help you.
    Hoping things get better. Xx
     
  15. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks siamese, I think it'll take a long time but I'll get there xxx
     
  16. ladybug

    ladybug Member

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    MASSIVE CUDDLES!

    I'm so incredibly sorry you've found yourself in this situation at all never mind twice. It may go against the grain but be selfish. Watch films YOU want to, eat what YOU want to and do the things that YOU find distracting and enjoyable. You're going through enough and need things that make you feel as best as you can mentally. CBT is a wonderful tool if fully utilised.

    Also as far as your relationship goes, me and G started going back out on dates recently as our relationship hit a pretty bad low within the 6 months following our MMC (my second, his first- he wasn't coming across as overly bothered either which just led to argument after argument.) We don't always go fancy places, sometimes it's just making time for us to take the Alfred out some where different for a walk, sometimes the cinemas and sometimes we'll head into town, get something to eat and head out for a few drinks in the clubs afterwards. It's helped me massively because before that I was getting up, going to work, going to bed because I couldn't handle being 'human' if that makes sense!
     
  17. MillersMissus

    MillersMissus Well-Known Member

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    My heart goes out to you. I've had 2 miscarriages (both of which I didn't need medical management but with the 2nd unfortunately ended up with an infection so it dragged on longer) and an ectopic. No one can tell you how you're going to feel or react - my advice is go with the emotions that you are feeling at the time and give yourself plenty of time to heal mentally. I was waiting 6 months for CBT after being passed from pillar to post following the ectopic as no one seems to know how to "deal with" pregnancy loss which is frustrating. Make sure you talk to your other half as he needs to understand how you are feeling. I'm extremely lucky in that I can say each loss has brought me and oh closer, especially after the ectopic due to the implications of it hadn't been found (I had no symptoms other than bleeding so was sent away without a scan. Luckily we dug out heals in and they confirmed the embryo was stuck in my right tube). PM me if you ever want to talk but I hope CBT helps. I also suffer with anxiety so understand where you are coming from. I was struggling after the ectopic so I found myself one day stood in a field in the middle of nowhere screaming my head off at how unfair life was - I can highly recommend that!!!! You need to voice your frustration in some ways - if that means screaming like a mad woman to yourself do it! X
     
  18. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies, i've hit a mega low this week, my boss gave me some extra hours at work, excellent, only thing is, its in a primary school, the staff are really nice, but im constantly reminded of what im never going to have, the good thing is its only a ten min walk from home, the other site is a train ride away , which sends me into a frenzy ( i suffer badly with anxiety ) I'm now considering ringing my doctors in the morning and asking for some diazepam, antidepressants and a sick note, as i had medical management on the Friday and the following Monday i was back to work, still miscarrying, the bleeding has only really eased off to nothing the last couple of days, i honestly feel so alone, my OH can't understand my tears and anxiety, going as far to say ''i've given you everything and you're still not happy ) i love him to bits but i don't want to question my relationship as he's all ive got really, im not originally from the area so all of my old friends stopped talking to me when i moved 2 years ago, all i have as an outlet are the forums, sorry for the long post and a rant, needed to get this off my chest, i feel honestly so low :( But i do appreciate all of your replies, i know i am not online, but it's so easy to feel it when you're going through this, and wonder if it will ever get easier xx
     
  19. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    An open field would be just the ticket right now to be honest! Anxiety is crippling i wouldnt wish it on anyone xx
     
  20. natz8531

    natz8531 Well-Known Member

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    Me and hubby used to do all of those things up until recently, now i can't face leaving the house, i've made steps with mental health so hopefully that will help, we are clashing a bit at the moment though as he just doesn't understand how i feel and doesn't realise it's not as easy just to ''carry on as normal'' xx
     

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