Not coping :(

[MillersMissus]

Thanks ladies, i've hit a mega low this week, my boss gave me some extra hours at work, excellent, only thing is, its in a primary school, the staff are really nice, but im constantly reminded of what im never going to have, the good thing is its only a ten min walk from home, the other site is a train ride away , which sends me into a frenzy ( i suffer badly with anxiety ) I'm now considering ringing my doctors in the morning and asking for some diazepam, antidepressants and a sick note, as i had medical management on the Friday and the following Monday i was back to work, still miscarrying, the bleeding has only really eased off to nothing the last couple of days, i honestly feel so alone, my OH can't understand my tears and anxiety, going as far to say ''i've given you everything and you're still not happy ) i love him to bits but i don't want to question my relationship as he's all ive got really, im not originally from the area so all of my old friends stopped talking to me when i moved 2 years ago, all i have as an outlet are the forums, sorry for the long post and a rant, needed to get this off my chest, i feel honestly so low But i do appreciate all of your replies, i know i am not online, but it's so easy to feel it when you're going through this, and wonder if it will ever get easier xx

not intended to be man bashing here, but unfortunately they will never understand hormones and the emotions you go through following a miscarriage. My oh had his moments at times as good as he was!! I went through months of telling myself I was a failure as a woman - my body couldn't perform what it was intended to do, which was carry and protect a foetus. For some reason my body was attacking what nature had intended it to do so I started on a downward spiral of being unable to complete tasks that I had been very confident in doing before the ectopic. I went back to work after 6 weeks (I rushed back after the miscarriages and was a mess trying to hold it together) so allowed myself time at home in my bubble. The first phone call I took at work was someone who was very angry and I just thought "I can't do this" and burst into tears. The nature of my job is to deal with angry people, so the fact that I completely melted made the feelings of failure multiply and I was signed off for a further 2 weeks. Maybe write a letter to your oh or send an email for him to read in his own time? Men hide their feelings and clam up so struggle to understand your feelings, so telling him in a structured way may be of help to you both xx