Hi all your proberly getting fed up of me posting all the time now but i have to let this out, im not expecting anyone to reply ok. I think that because it would have been her due date in jan its making things so hard at the moment, its like i feel her with me, like when she was born. I keep smelling her so much not so much just a baby smell just like when i held her i took so much in and i still have the clothes i dressed her in and i smell them all the time, please dont think im going mad i dont think i am its just like her smell is her presence and its nice. I keep waking up every morning and getting up expecting to see her just laying there but she isnt and when she was born some of you know she survived for a short while and its like her little breathes she was taking seemed so much for her and i wanted to it there and keep breathing for her but i couldnt. I mean i am so so proud of her for trying to fight and she was the tiniest baby iv ever seen she had these tiny little fingers and i just wrapped her fingers around mine i didnt want her to feel alone, Its a mothers duty to protect their baby but no i couldnt maybe im not a real mum, yes i can still feel and smell her but its not the same she isnt her and i feel bad for that, may be ther were things i should or could have gone but i didnt. I cant blame myself anymore than i already am, maybe it was gods way i dont know but i hope my girls are happy. I think what i want to say is keep anything that is precious to you and your baby scan pics anything, and keep them safe i just couldnt cope without them. Some of you may think im going mad with all this im writing not making sense and maybe i am but it makes sese to me.