Brookes now in heaven x

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by jo1188, Aug 9, 2005.

  1. jo1188

    jo1188 Well-Known Member

    Jun 8, 2005
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    I havent had a miscarriage so maybe i shouldnt be posting here but i just felt i needed to tell everyone. I dont really know where or how to start but like you all know i had my little girl, brooke, on june 30th, on the 11th July she passed away, i dont know if anybody on this forum has experienced losing a child, but somebody who knows what im feeling would be good to talk to. I just feel so usuless and empty.

    you think you know what love is and then you meet your baby and then you know what love is theres no feeling like it, losing her has killed me. I know all i can do is put on a brave face and get on with my life.

    I didnt get to spend very long with my baby but theres not a day goes by where shes not on my mind before i got to sleep and shes the first thing i think about when i wake up. i still turn my head hoping to find her lying on my bed then it hits me shes gone. i can still picture her in my head, the way she used twitch her nose and i can still smell her beautiful smell.

    ive had people there for me my cousin, and sami and sasha off the forum, its been good to have someone to talk to.

    sorry for moaning on just felt wrong being on the forum people still thinking i had my girl so thought id let people know.

    Thanks for listening, jo x
  2. minikins

    minikins Well-Known Member

    Jun 14, 2005
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    Will always listen babe, you know that!

  3. Guest

    Jo - I love you to bits - I'm always here for you okie?

    All my love always - you know where I am xxxxxx
  4. jo jo

    jo jo Well-Known Member

    May 26, 2005
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    Im so so sorry to hear you lost your beautiful baby. I cant even imagine what you are going through.

    Do you know what caused the death?

    Keep your chin up and much much love to you xxxxxxxx
  5. jo1188

    jo1188 Well-Known Member

    Jun 8, 2005
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    Thanks everyone. It was cot death, no explanations whatsoever and thats what hurts the most :(
  6. dani200420052000

    dani200420052000 Well-Known Member

    Apr 23, 2005
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    Oh Jo.. Im so sorry, I hope your Ok. My thoughts are with you and your little Girl always.. I bet u were a great mom...

    Good Luck for the future!
    Love Dani and Bubble xx
  7. Lauz_1601

    Lauz_1601 Well-Known Member

    Jan 27, 2005
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    Jo im here if you want to talk, just want you to know that. Your so brave and strong and I really admire you for that. Take care hun PM me if you want x x x
  8. Julia

    Julia Well-Known Member

    Jan 22, 2005
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    Life can be very cruel.....but......I believe everything happens for a reason. Words can't express the pity i feel for you but at the same time utterly admire your strength and determination in trying to cope with your unexplained loss. The following helped me when I lost a very dear family member last year:

    I little boat was due to set sail one bright sunny day
    A small crowd of people gathered to see the boat leave the shore
    Many people in the crowd cried with sadness as it left the shore on its journey
    The crowd waved it off into the sunset until the little boat could no longer be seen
    As soon as it disappeared from the first crowd of people, it began to appear to the crowd waiting on the other side
    They waved to greet the little boat which got bigger and bigger as it sailed into the shore
    When the boat finally arrived and stopped there was much laughter, love and celebration at its arrival.......

    We are all here for you xxxx
  9. jo1188

    jo1188 Well-Known Member

    Jun 8, 2005
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    Thanks julia thats sweet. The hardest thing is not knowing where she is, but im looking forward to the day i meet her again keep picturing what shes gonna look like in years to come hehe she'll be a right stunner!

    Thanks for everyones support xxxx
  10. michelle82

    michelle82 Well-Known Member

    May 17, 2005
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    Keep going Jo you'll get through it, at least you had although a short time with her, you got to hold her and meet her and she got to know her mummy and your right one day you'll find her again and she'll still be your little girl x
  11. LucyBee

    LucyBee Well-Known Member

    Jun 4, 2005
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    Oh Jo. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling now.
    I am so so sorry for your loss. It is absolutely heartbreaking.
    I wish I could give you a cuddle and take away your pain.
    Life can be so cruel sometimes.
    You are in my thoughts.
  12. Kerry

    Kerry Well-Known Member

    May 11, 2005
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    Jo sweetheart,

    I had a friend who lost her little girl hours after birth a few months ago and it's so hard to know what to do or say to help. ALL of my love and thoughts are with you. If you ever need to talk please PM me or email me.....we are all here for you honey.

    Hope these help a little:

    A Child Loaned
    (written by Edgar Guest, published in
    the Fort Worth Star mid 1930s)
    "I’ll lend you for a little time
    A child of Mine," He said.
    "For you to love the while she lives,
    And mourn for when she’s dead.
    It may be six or seven years
    Or twenty-two or three,
    But will you, till I call her back
    Take care of her for Me?
    She’ll bring her charms to gladden you,
    And should her stay be brief,
    You’ll have her lovely memories
    As solace for your grief.
    I cannot promise she will stay,
    Since all from Earth return,
    But there are lessons taught down there
    I want this child to learn.
    I’ve looked this wide world over
    In My search for teachers true,
    And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes,
    I have selected you;
    Now will you give her all your love,
    Nor think the labour vain,
    Nor hate Me when I come to call
    And take her back again ?
    I fancied that I heard them say,
    "Dear Lord, Thy will be done,
    For all the joy Thy child shall bring,
    For the risk of grief we’ll run.
    We’ll shelter her with tenderness,
    We’ll love her while we may,
    And for the happiness we’ve known,
    Forever grateful stay.
    But should the angels call for her
    Much sooner then we planned,
    We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes
    And try to understand

    My child has died - what can you do to help?

    Please don't ask "how are you?" unless you really want to know the answer...
    "How are you?" has become a meaningless greeting to which the expected answer is "fine". But I am not fine. At best I'm a bit fragile and a lot of the time I'm far worse - I feel upset, hurt, bewildered, angry, guilty. But these and other normal feelings which follow the death of someone you love are not the things of polite conversation. So if you are not prepared to hear about them, choose another way to greet me.

    Don't expect too much of me too soon....
    If I'd broken my leg I'd have a plaster cast on and you wouldn't expect me to get back to normal for months. You can't put broken feelings in plaster and you can't see the scars. But they need time to heal and I need time to come to terms with the realization that "normal" from now on is life without my child.

    Don't ignore the death or the child that died...
    You wouldn't have any trouble talking about good news. If I'd just won Lotto it would be the first thing you would mention. Bad news is different - you probably don't know what to say or how to say it. But the death of my child is the most important thing in my life and it helps to acknowledge that.

    Be honest, and try to avoid platitudes...
    "This is awful, I don't know what to say" is far more help than cliched phrases that aren't true anyway. Time alone doesn't heal, the fact we've got each other is irrelevant because two drowning people can't save each other and there is no comfort in the thought of this misery being God's will.

    Don't think that having, or being able to have, other children will lessen the pain of my child's death...
    A child who loses a favorite toy will not be placated by a substitute. And so it is with people. I loved my child for who he was as an individual, not as an interchangeable piece in a set and mourning for him, at least at first, will strain rather than strengthen bonds with other children.

    If you want to help, make specific offers not empty promises...
    Saying "if there's anything I can do" might make you feel good, but I'm unlikely to take you up because I probably don't know what I need and I'm unsure what your "anything" means. However if you turn up with food, an offer to baby-sit, or just a listening ear, your kindness will be gratefully accepted.

    Practice, don't preach...
    However weak or strong my faith, and whatever your beliefs, this is no time for sermons.

    Be sensitive...
    I find it hard to believe life in the outside world is still going on when my private world has collapsed. I hope my child's death won't leave me bitter. But it will take me time before the weight of my own feelings lightens enough to allow me to share your joys or sorrows.

    Don't expect me to follow a prescribed pattern of grieving...
    Denial, anger, guilt, depression and acceptance are all stages in the grief process but no two people will go through them in the same way. I'll have good days and bad days, sometimes I'll cope with a lot, at other times I'll be phased by little things. It may seem illogical to you, but then feelings often are.

    Don't confuse control with coping...
    A stiff upper lip probably means I've got a tight rein on my feelings, not that I have come to terms with them. You may not be comfortable with crying or screaming but they are far healthier than numbness, which is a sign of denial.

    Keep in touch...
    I'll always be grateful for the practical and moral support you gave immediately after the death and I know you have to get on with your life. But grief doesn't end with the funeral and occasional phone call, note or visit will let me know you haven't forgotten.

    The death of my child has left me emotionally and spiritually shattered. It will take time to put the pieces together again, to rebuild relationships. But when things get really bad, knowing there is a friend who cares may be all I need to tip the balance in favour of recovery.

    (Something you might want to copy and give other people.
    Written by Elspeth Ludemann. First published in "North and South" (New Zealand) in March 1991).

    Sorry if you found these upsetting but I think they are so true!!

    HUGE HUGS!!!!
  13. jacquidube

    jacquidube Well-Known Member

    Jun 10, 2005
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    Oh my word I cannot imagine what you are going through. Life is so cruel. You seem to be putting on such a brave face but do you feel brave. I know sometimes you may think its not good to mourn in front of people but it is ok jo.
    It is so hard to try and say something to someone who has lost a child.
    I have had 4 miscarriages but i never got to see any of them but you know I do believe in God and I do trust I will see all 4 in heaven.
    You will see little Brooke again Jo. She will never leave you you know.
    If you need any help with anything that may be bothering you then maybe through words I can help you. I will pray for you. Brooke is happy in Gods arms and one day she will be in yours again.
    Its hard looking on the bright side when to you there is no bright side but its bright and sunny where Brooke is.
    I send you all my love and may the Lord bless you and comfort you.
    All my love
    Jacqui. x x x x x x x x
  14. Guest

    After knowing the pain Jo has been through I get upset when Brooke is mentioned, but that poem and 'speech' put into words what couldn't be put into words. It makes you realise how precious life can be, how fragile existance really is, and how we have no control over the things we want most control over.

    Life is so cruel. It isn't me going through the hardest emotions and pain of this all yet I feel a fraction of it - and it hurts bad.

    Thanks everyone for your kind words to Jo. I know she has a voice and can say thank you herself but I want to say thank you again from me. As her friend it comforts me to know you guys are all supporting her too.

    Jo - you know I am here for you always - I can't express that enough.

  15. Anna Marie

    Anna Marie Well-Known Member

    Jul 6, 2005
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    Jo I just want to pass on hugs and best wishes. I cannot imagine how you feel. I now think that suffering my m/c must pale in significance next to what you are going through right now.

    I know there are few words that you can give you comfort so please just take your time and allow yourself to feel all the emotions, don't bottle it up, let it all out and don't rush to get on with your life, life will be there for you when you are up to re-discovering it.

    Little Brooke was very fortunate to have met her mum albeit for such a short while, she was loved and cherished and thanks to that she will rest in peace until you meet again.

    take care and take each day at a time.

  16. Layla

    Layla Well-Known Member

    May 19, 2005
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    im really bad at saying comforting things, so i will just leave some hugs for you

    *big hugs*

  17. sasha715

    sasha715 Well-Known Member

    Apr 18, 2005
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    i just want to say that those poems are lovely kerry.
    and jo, as ive said before im very proud to know someone like you, who (although we know she is hurting emensly) will put on a brave face and show everyone she is independant and able to cope.
    i have no idea how u felt, but im always hear to listen.
    its made me so happy that although my situation feels a little akward for me talking to you, your still kind enough not to block me out. for that im very grateful
    big hugs love ya loads xxxx
  18. LouisecH

    LouisecH Well-Known Member

    May 28, 2005
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    Hello Jo

    I can't believe what I've just read and words cannot describe how sorry I am. What a tragic loss of such a beautiful baby.

    My thoughts are with you and I'm sending a big hug.

    Love Louise x
  19. emma1976

    emma1976 Well-Known Member

    May 13, 2005
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    Jo, you poor thing. I cannot imagine what you must be going through at the moment. My thoughts are with you and sending you lots of love and hugs.

    Em xxxx
  20. rachie34

    rachie34 Member

    Aug 19, 2005
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    Jo, I can totally relate to you. I lost my sons twin, Katie at 6 months old. Losing a child is thee worst kind of pain any mother could feel in her life. I know at the minute you are probaly feeling very down and empty and you probaly have a thousand questions running through your head-the biggest one 'Why me?'

    I can promise you that as time goes on you will find a way within your self of how to cope. Cameron, Katies twin just had his 15th birthday, it was upsetting knowing that Katie should have been there, but you know your Brooke is with you forever, I believe that with Katie.

    You know that feeling you get sometimes, like a knife is going through your heart, whenever you see a baby or a bump, i believe that is our angels given us a nudge and saying 'its alright mummy-im here'. Its little ways of believing things that helps us cope hun.

    PM me your email address and we can chat abit more if you like. I would really like to meet up maybe too, i found it a great help to talk to people.

    Thinking of you always.

    Big big floaty kisses to Brooke. And a huge hug to you.

    Love rachel xx

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