need some support

[lella]

im adopted and 5 years ago I found my birth mom. Everything went well and she met my family and we all get on really well. Last week I found my birth fathers family, he sadly passed away 3 years ago but I have siblings i never knew i had.

My dad is very wary, my sister is pretending to be excited for me, but i know she isnt, I know when she is lying. My MIL told me straight she doesnt think I should be getting in contact . My sister in law and a close friend just completely ignore any info i tell them and change the subject.

The only people who have been supportive is my husband , my work collegues and my birth mom. My husband isnt really that interested in it all.

Its ok for them, they all know where they came from, have their medical history etc. For once I would like them to be just a bit interested and supportive of me. I didnt run off when i found my birth mom and im not about to now. I just want to get to know my birth relatives. I spoke to my sisters on the phone last night for the first time and no one gives a damn.

 

[Babylicious]

it's really hard for you, and it's all new to them, they probably feel upset that you need to contact your real family. Maybe have a chat with them and tell them how you feel? Families are funny things hun, chin up I know its hard

 

[M&Ms]

How lovely that you have found your birth mum. I grew up knowing who both my parents are but I think if I was to find out that I was adopted, I would want to know as much as I could find out about my family history. Even during my last pregnancy, doctor's were asking about family medical histories and if I didn't know how would you be sure all was ok? Can't understand why people think you wouldn't want to know

 

[libs]

Found my biological father at 18 - having known nothing about him and spent years having to keep it all v quiet as it would have (and did) upset my Mum. I needed to know where I came from and about the family I came from.

TBH it didn't all work out for me - my Mum is now fine, as is my stepdad, but for me the problem came from an overdependant bio father and family.

Perhaps they're worried you may end up in this situation, or that you'll be rejected and upset? And they may feel that as you're so excited about all this - you're going to start neglecting them? It's normal to be worried about that. Reassure them and give them time

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Maybe they are worried it wont turn out for the good but i know how much you want to get to know your real parents i only seen my mom a handful of times when i was young but when i was older we basically had to find her she is know living in my basement and were all happy but years ago we didnt even talk on the phone and i well had so much hate for her... my point is even if family might not be supportive you never know what kind of bond you and your real parents can make once you connect again if you ever need to chat pm me

 

[trixipaws]

im sorry noones really supporting u. i cant even imagine what it must be like. i dont kno what to say sorry.

 

[Kylie1007]

I expect they do give a damn - they're maybe just really worried that you will leave them for your "real" family?

 

[Squiglet]

Aw hun that sounds awful... I know both my brother and sister have expressed their wishes at seeing their birth parents again.. mother and father.. I think it's desperately important to find out who you are and where you came from...

My brother is 23 and wants to meet his mother... We know she really wanted to keep him, but couldn't cope with his Downs, and its the Downs that is making it difficult for him to trace his family. My mum is helping him as much as she can, contacting the old social services etc... but it's really hard going and because Adam is not considered mentally capable, there are many barriers in the way... But I can feel his desire to meet this woman and his other siblings and I don't feel remotely worried that he will run off with them..

What Kylie1007 said might be true... but still I don't think that it is right that their desires negatively impact your wishes. Also they may fear that you will get hurt in the process, that your biological father's side of the family might reject you in some way, but you already know thats a possibility... but they believe they can prevent you from feeling this pain.... You need to know, This is your life... and your history... you have to do this and if they can't see that then that is their problem not yours. Don't feel guilty hun... you are doing the right thing.