family - relatives etc :S

[leckershell]

This may be a long post so apologies in advance.

My parents are separated and both live with other people - I never really been that close to either of them as my mom left when I was 14 and my dad is, well long story, but . I told them both about Christmas about me being pregnant (I told my dad on new years eve).

My mom has been really supportive and helped me out with buying baby books and nappies and things, in her own mom sort of way. My dad refuses to talk about it, has never once offered to buy anything or sent me a congratulations of any sort and at the time just said that my life would be more difficult, I'm a silly girl, I've thrown my life away etc. My brother who is 16 feeds from my dad as they all live together, and for weeks he kept asking me why can't I have an abortion, and I'm like no because I don't want one.

Ok well basically since then I have sent scan pictures to my mom and her parents (nice nan and grandad), and to my dads girlfriend too (as she is also ok). My dads group - him, his girlfriend, my brother and half brother who is 3 - are all moving way down south in about September and I'm due in August.. I feel bad that my dad hasn't shown any interest at all about visiting me before or after the birth, and that my baby won't be able to meet one half of my family or it's brothers (it would be so amazing to see my little one and my half brother together). So I don't really know what to do... do I accept that he isn't interested and cut off the stuff I'm trying to involve them in, or do I keep trying and hope he'll change his mind? I also have grandparents on his side of the family, and an auntie and uncle, but I haven't contacted them about the baby at all as in general they tend to stick by him and his views and I just don't need the negativity in my life to be honest.

I just feel sad that one half of my family won't be involved with me or my baby anymore, and I don't know whether I should give up or keep pushing on. I've always tried to involve them all, but they just don't seem interested and it's only a matter of time before I just get angry about it and that would be no use to anyone.

Sorry about the long thread, hope it made sense to someone - just don't know what to do really.

 

[mrsT]

Awww hun
Can't really help I'm afraid - I would be tempted to keep trying, but at the same time I agree that you don't need the negativity (or the stress)

 

[mummykay]

my own family disowned me when i was pg so Jam only knows OHs family, i never want my mum to meet my son, too much was said and done!!!

i think that u should just leave ur dad to it, let him do the work cos its not like uv not tried? he may come round, he may not but so long as baby knows their mummy loves them thats all that matters!

 

[swan1]

My oh mum and dad and brother and sister n law are not that intersted in Charlie, it really upset me to begin with and led to a big bust up over christmas which has improved things with his parents but not his brother and to be honest i have finally realised that you cant make people love your child, its hard but you have to jst take a step back and treat them the way they treat you.

Alison

 

[Sabrina]

It is sad that your dad doesn't appear to be interested. So long as you haven't had a big bust up and he's not actually said anything to upset you.... I think, if it were me, I'd still send the odd letter or email etc to stay in touch and let him know you are "open" for him to contact you.

There's going to come a time though when you'll get fed up being the one to make all the running. It'd be completely understandable if, at that time, you feel like it'd be better to just let go completely.

I have a few friends like this who have now just dropped out of touch. Of course it's harder with families because you probably feel you "have to" keep trying.

 

[leckershell]

thanks for your kind words ladies, yeah I do feel like because it's family I feel I should keep on trying but at the same time I always showed an interest when they had my half brother so why can't they care about mine. meh. I'm at the stage of pretty much giving up on them anyway to be fair. I'll just send them pictures and stuff as I would to my nan and grandad and if they reply in a kind manner then great but if they dont then i'm not bothered anymore. argh!

 

[Sabrina]

thanks for your kind words ladies, yeah I do feel like because it's family I feel I should keep on trying but at the same time I always showed an interest when they had my half brother so why can't they care about mine. meh. I'm at the stage of pretty much giving up on them anyway to be fair. I'll just send them pictures and stuff as I would to my nan and grandad and if they reply in a kind manner then great but if they dont then i'm not bothered anymore. argh!

Sounds like a good idea. They are the ones who will miss out on your lovely baby and you'll be so busy enjoying motherhood I'm sure you won't even notice.

 

[trixipaws]

youve tried, the balls in his court really- if he dont play then youll hav 2 let it go (sorry to sound harsh) as theres nothing more u can do- im sure ur LO will still have lots of family to love him/her.