My realationship is falling apart...............

[starlight]

long story......... here goes two and half years ago my husband tried to top himself he was working,i was working part time while being a few weeks pregnant as im an independent lady but we had a few debts to sort out total around 10'000 between us as we were working hard to clear everything.
Ever since then dh has been on sick leave and on benefits dh isn't ready to go back to work and says im pushing him to much to go back.

The debts are building back up to were we started again i need to start work to clear everything but nooooooooo dh won't look after the children cause his temperment is short he can't handle choas and daily life looking after his two girls.

Hes friends with next door neighbour who dh buys WEED off and smokes it in the house (only in one room though) but stills smells upstairs im concerned about this habbit he smokes it now and again,but this weekend hes going to some blokes house who he met on his chat forums 2 weeks ago going to smoke weed and drink booze.fair enough hes making friends and its good for him to get out but hes diabetic as well and hardly knows the guy.

We're on benefits struggling hes getting fed up of me talking about work all the time but someone needs to go back to work and brings money in.
At this moment im seriously thinking going back to my home roots and being a single mum
this is going to upsets the kids alot but dh won't let me have some peace
i can't sleep properly and can't be in debt all my life.

Sorry for rambiling in a way im scared of being on my own but i love my husband very dearly i don't know weather we should have a break for 6 months anybody been in this suituation.x

 

[Krystal]

Oh dear, he's not really trying to help himself by smoking the weed is he. 1 is the cost but msot importantly it's one of the worst possible things he could be doing whilst suffering from depression.

I am not in your situation so can't offer much advice but I can see why you would want to leave

 

[starlight]

Im not clued up on the affects of weed but hes been on anti-depressents for a year but gave up has been having couciling sessions up till last year,his own mother has said it makes you worse but he won't listen as nobody has smoke it so you don't know whats it like and says the goverment makes a big thing about it trying to scare people.

I've stood by him at his worse time of his life for two and a half years while hes been depressed but i can't do it anymore ive looking after myself and kids as well as him and its been hard work.

We were ttc baby no 3 but i've put that on hold as i wanted another lo when we clear the debts which will be around 5 years as i will be 36 by then but dh didn't want to wait that long.

Hes said that if i leave his world ends he won't know what to do anymore but i don't want his death on my mind if he does something stupid he said he won't.

I would have thought if he let me go back to work clear the debts then hes got nothing to be depressed about then.

 

[abcd1234]

I'm sure if he's depressed he doesnt realise how selfish he's being, you need to do whats best for you and your girls, though unfortunately people with issues like that usually ant being themselves and i'm sure you wouldnt have married him if he was, its just a matter of whether he'd be willing to sort himself out or not.

I dont think drugs of anykind are acceptable around children, my baby daddy smoked weed from a young age and took cocaine as well, he says he's off it now but i know he's not, i dont talk to him now but i know he took both of these at least a few times whilst i've been pregnant and when we were together. He cant remember his own name half the time and it has definately had an affect on him

I hope you and you DH can sort things out and get it back to how it was. It's very hard when you cant clearly blame the other person 100% for the way they are acting

 

[lea m]

Smoking weed is one of the worst things he can do!
My OH smoked weed for over 20 years! He smoked it like most people smoke cigarettes daily, it never got him stoned etc as he smoked so much!
He also took amphetamines and he had a split personality! I thought for many years the "Bad Joe" was due to the speed and nothing to do with the weed! After about 7 1/2 years together he stopped the speed, things go a little better but he was still very selfish and moody and not too helpful!
We split and when we got back together he had quit the weed!
He is a new person! He does everything for me and the children! He regrets the years of missing out on the kids lives etc and just sees things so much clearer etc now!
Now he can see it in others too like his brothers etc!
I used to think weed was pretty harmless!
I most certainly dont now!

I hope your OH sees this soon too! It will be affecting his personality if he is smoking it regular! And also smoking it while depressed is crazy!

 

[trixipaws]

maybe u should "go on a break" for 6 months it sounds like he needs a wake-up call. im warning u he aint gonna get any better while hes smokin weed and drinking. iv known so many people like that and they never crawl out of that hole its so sad. they need someone to pull them out! he wont be able to sort out his depression and get back into work while he's on that. im sorry i hope it all works out for u both

 

[Squiglet]

I used weed as an antidepressant and it really helped... helped me completely block out what was happening to me and what had happened... problem was on weed I couldn't deal with my issues and therefore couldn't move on. If I stopped the weed I had to tackle life and life was big and painful at the time... Mind you it used to make me EXTREMELY paranoid btw...

What got me over it was just getting away from my life... up rooting myself and moving away. When I had my new life to concentrate on I had the ability to work through my issues with the past...but slowly rather than being confronted by it and constantly reminded of it. my big wake up call was my daughter, when I had her, I had something to focus my energy on...sometimes the dark thoughts are so bad that when you have something good and positive to focus on it means you don't need to see those dark clouds overhead.

Your OH will just be dissolving into the world of weed and drink in order to block out his pain... he won't get better, nothing will not while he remains on this cycle of disappearing into a cloud of smoke... I can't give you any advice as to what you can do to help him, but I know that you need to focus on yourself and your LO's before him... you can only help him if he wants to be helped and it seems to me that he isn't ready for that just yet.