Feel like we're falling apart

[pandy]

My girlfriend is only 8 weeks pregnant and already I feel like our relationship is falling apart.

I bought a book titled "How to make a pregnant women happy" and I follow everything I can to make her happy. But I feel like she doesn't appreciate it and she is always having a go at me for nothing.

We do not currently live together, but I am at her house everyday and try helping her in everyway I can. When she is in pain, I check online and in my book about this pain, and when I tell her it's normal she just ignores me.

Now I know this is all because she is pregnant, and I accept that. But she is only 8 weeks, and I already feel like we are falling apart, so I am scared it will get worse throughout the months to come. I try talking to her about it but she doesn't seem to bother listening. Is there anything I can do? I just don't want us to fall apart, I love her more than anything and I can't wait for us to start a family

Also, I let her know what she is and isn't supposed to eat and do during pregnancy and she ignores most of it, but worries when she thinks something is wrong, I'm just trying to help, but she makes me feel like its my fault when she thinks something is wrong.

 

[jarjar7]

Hi, really sorry to hear you feel like this. The only thing I can think is was the pregnancy planned? Is your girlfriend as happy about it as you obviously are? It sounds like she is not very happy about the whole thing...
xx

 

[pandy]

The pregnancy was planned, it was actually her idea to start with and I was more than happy to go through with it - we are both very happy about starting a family - I just feel like she doesn't appreciate anything I do for her - and she makes me thing that everything that goes wrong is my fault.

People keep telling me that having a baby brings you closer or makes you drift apart, and I just feel like we are drifting apart - it's like she doesn't want me anymore now that she is pregnant

 

[x-misspinkuk-x]

im not really sure what to say.
it sounds like you really really love your girlfriend and would do anything for her.
during pregnancy your hormones are all over the place i know mine were, i was a b*tch to my OH. but that wasnt constant, and when ever he tried to make me feel better i never ignored him.
have you tried talking to her and tellng her how she is making you feel?
do you think there is an reason why she is being this way to you, that you may not be aware of?

 

[pandy]

I have tried talking to her about it but sometimes that even leads to an arguement - She doesn't seem to want to know.

I have no idea if there is a reason but the way things are is making lots of thingd run through my mind - and although I try to ignore those thoughts, I still get paranoid, with a lot of different thought running through my mind explaining why she is like this with me - alot of people have told me they were bad to their OH during pregnancy, but not this bad

 

[megsmeadow]

Hi Pandy, sounds like you're very considerate and doing all you can! Maybe that's just a bit overwhelming for your OH just now though? I remember at 8 weeks pregnant I didn't 'feel' pregnant, it's a bit of a strange stage. Have you tried doing something non-pregnancy related together, it can be nice to have a bit of normality.

 

[Tonks]

The first and third trimester are an emotional minefield unfortunately! A pregnant woman can go from loving you to throwing you out of the house in 30 seconds flat!

Of course I can't speak for your relationship, as we're only seeing things from your POV but the emotions a woman go through can be quite hellish.

I'm going to play devil's advocate here a bit.

If she tells you that she's feeling ill, then she isn't wanting you to look it up online, in a book, then tell her to stop worrying that it's nothing - maybe she just wants a cuddle and a cup of tea.

Try to stop telling her what she should and shouldn't be doing. Although to you, it may seem like gentle encouragement, to her you may be coming across as dictating things to her and pointing out what she is doing is wrong. I know I would be frustrated if when I picked something up to eat someone said 'should you really be eating that? I read in this book that...'

It's a very man-like way to go about things, reading books, magazines, going online for information then passing it on. It's great that you are so hands on, and it's a shame not all men are as keen as you are! However try to re-direct your efforts a bit more. Right now she will be feeling venerable, emotional, and easy to upset. Yes, she is a total minefield right now, and sometimes you will just always get it wrong.

But next time she wants to tuck into something like a runny egg, let her, don't lecture, and ask if she'd like a cuppa with it.

 

[pandy]

Ok thanks alot

I will try what you said

 

[rakrak]

you sound like a fantastic partner and deep down she knows you just want the best for her... as others have said she might just be feeling overwhelmed, scared or just in a bit of shock that its finally happening. Just be loving as normal but the odd little card and letter from you telling her you love her, will always be there for her etc can do a world of good. I recommended this to my mates fella and she later confided in me that she looks at them a lot when shes on her own and she feels brilliant. It also made her realise that effort has to be both ways so she made more of an effort with him too and tried to stop being so snappy... good luck x

 

[fairydust1984]

you sound like you are a brill patner, where do i get one lol only kidding x

 

[MrsR]

I've just finished reading myleen klass' pregnancy book and it contains some pages from her OH's diary and he felt exactly like this, and so did she! x Maybe you could give it a go? They were a really strong couple before hand but when she fell pregnant they both started questioning their relationship and felt like they were falling apart x good luck to you both and stick with it, the amount of times I've had a hormonal outburst at my fella but I still love him and know 7 times out of 10 it's my hormones and he's not actually meaning to wind me up x

 

[charlene09]

Im sorry pandora I love you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

hey buddy, i asked my OH what he felt about your situation, because i know that i can be a bit of a nightmare. he said to me that 1, you have to be steady and understanding that she might just want to cry/moan/mop or whatever and you have to let her do that, she might love you one minute and hate you the next and that is all hormonal and you have to let her do that

but he also thinks that she might be feeling a bit trapped and you are feeling like you are drifting away which is making you be more suffocating which is making her feel more trapped

he says you need to sit down and have an honest conversation with her, ask her if she still wants you about because your starting to feel like she doesnt and explain to her that if she tells you she wants you, you will help her through anything but you both have to appreciate that you are in it together.

If she doesnt want you about, tell her she has to be realistic with you so that you can at least have a nice friendship or whatever for the sake of the kid. Try and get some clarity and then the little things will all just fall into place, if she wants to go through this with you, then she has to remind you of that right now, and if she does want you there then you have to be steady above anything, let her get on with the hormonal stuff and try and be a calming person to have around, dont highlight the things shes doing wrong just move on quickly and be as comforting as you can be

Best of luck buddy, when i realise how crazied i can be around Liam sometimes, i think 'wow i am glad i am the pregnant one!'

best of luck - hope it all works out xxx

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Oh but P.s if Liam told me what i could and couldnt eat every five minutes i would actually throttle him

 

[titch]

Hi, I hope things are better for you now. A lot of people come on here saying that they are havin relationship problems in the first trimester. Its a very strange time. I know I was feeling totally overwhelmed by it. I was so unbelieveably tired, sick and irritable. All I ever wanted to do was the best for the baby, but you are told so many things you can and cant do, and sometimes thats conflicting. I felt like a total failure when I was only 8 weeks pregnant. I remember bawling my eyes out saying Im a terrible mother. Its obviously fueled by hormones but it is totally overwhelming when you get a lot of leaflets and lectures about how healthy you are affecting your child.

I remember my OH suggesting we went to find some vitamins for me to help with my energy levels and I felt so angry with him. I wasnt telling him cos i wanted him to fix it, I knew it was unfixable, i wanted him to cuddle me, and offer to make tea and tell me it didnt matter that I hadnt hoovered in 5 days. It really is difficult to describe how draining the first trimester is and sometimes you feel like cowering under the duvet and being taken care of a bit.

On the plus side, just like the books said it would, the cloud lifted, and our relationship is so much better for it.

I hope this helps a bit, I think you're a fantistic guy for how much you care about her and your child, you're not doing anything wrong, its actually impossible even for mr perfect to do anything right sometimes when a woman is feeling so down. Give it about 4 weeks and see if things improve.

I really liked the idea of doing something not related to the baby. She's still a person and sometimes when youre pregnant the world makes you feel like a baby carrier instead of a person with your own wants and needs!

 

[kay126]

wow you sound really supportive and good on you for wanting to be involved with the pregnancy! some men could take a leaf out of ur book indeed!

 

[charlene09]

He's amazing isn't he so glad to have him as my OH and the dad to my baby