My best friend is kind of annoying me.

[Jayjay027]

Let me start by saying that I HATE saying this. She has been my friend for almost 20yrs and she is amazing, she really has a heart of gold and we've asked her to be Godmother to our LO.

But she has been annoying me recently. It seems that everything I do - she goes and does it too!

It started out when we were around 17 and she had copied some of my outfits a few times. But now its EVERYTHING!

When I was getting married, she had been single for a year - and constantly talked about her perfect wedding dress/venue/cake etc
Just after I got married, she got back together with her very nasty, controlling ex, and was engaged within 3wks. My DH is convinced she only got engaged because I got married.
She's now talking about the wedding she wants - and she's describing my wedding! The colour scheme, dress style, hair, flowers - all the same!!

I decorated a fedora had to wear (I wear hats all the time anyway) - then she started decorating fedora hats and wearing hats all the time.

I told her I was really getting into angels, angel cards and angel readings - she was suddenly interested in angels, angel cards and angel readings.

I told her I have ME - now she's going to her doc and has asked to be checked for ME.

I told her I wanted a sewing machine to make my own clothes - she went and got a sewing machine.

I told her I was getting my mum to teach me how to knit because I wanted to knit a blanket for my baby - she then sent me a picture msg of a blanket she had started knitting for my baby.

I decorated a picture frame for my baby's scan picture - she then started decorating picture frames.

And now I'm pregnant - she won't shut up about wanting to be pregnant. Its literally 90% of the conversation when we're together.
Her fiance is in uni in England and has no intentions of having a baby and even yelled at her about going on about it to him. She told me that he even said to her that the only reason she wants a baby is because I'm pregnant.

I'm at the point where I just don't want to tell her anything about my life at all. I've started writing a book and just don't want to mention it to her because I know for a fact she'll start writing one too.
I don't know how to bring this up with her as she doesn't have a great home life and she's super sensitive about everything, but its at the stage where I have nothing to say to her anymore because a week later, she'll be saying the same thing to me! I can't share my life with someone who is going to steal it!! What I've listed isn't even everything she's copied!

What can I do to put a stop to this before it drives me do-lally?? X

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[tinks77]

Tell her your getting a full back tattoo of the cast of lost once you've had the baby and see if she gets one first! Lol

Sorry no idea really other than talking to her about it if you feel you can

 

[jules84]

I read that and all I feel was immense sadness for her. She's obviously not happy with herself and her life and obviously thinks the WORLD of you. It's sad she has to copy but she has been your best friend for so long, id just let her get on with it, if thats what she has to do to experience a shred of happiness then she should have that little bit of happiness. She must be very sad inside xxx

 

[Jayjay027]

Tell her your getting a full back tattoo of the cast of lost once you've had the baby and see if she gets one first! Lol

Pmsl!

Jules - she isn't happy inside, she never has been and doesn't allow herself to be either - she asks for advice on what she can do, but doesn't listen to the advice given. She'd rather be miserable in a relationship than single. The year she was single she went from man to man tryin to force a relationship instead of just being happy with herself.

But this is so tiring and frustrating, because its EVERYTHING - not just some things. I literally can't do a thing without her doing it the next week. And I'm feeling like I can't talk to her about the things I'm doing anymore, which isn't going to help our friendship. But at the same time, she's so super sensitive that if I brought it up with her she'd go on a real downer.

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[jules84]

yeah tbh it sounds tough. because she should be happy for you xx

 

[AyeshaD]

Would tell you to tell her straight up how you feel and stop on copying everything you do. True friend should be there for you no matter what but not contracted to copy and be a uniform ( someone that mini copy of you) better to tell than to keep.

 

[frankie247]

I can understand how annoyed you feel because I have a similar friend and despite everyone telling me that I should be flattered it doesn't really help much. I won't go into all of what's happened with my friend but after my wedding, she got engaged then told me that she was having the exact same colour scheme and could she even have my dress! Argh.

In the end it just became really annoying and like your friend I don't think she realised what she was doing. I didn't say anything though because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. We've just gradually drifted apart - still talk etc but barely see each other and I rarely tell her anything I want to keep for myself - having said that when I told her I was having a girl a few weeks ago, she hasn't spoken to me since. I think she's jealous but she says herself she isn't in a position to have children yet (she's a couple of years younger than me anyway)

So what am I saying after all that - I think you just have to decide how much annoyance is it causing you? And then react accordingly. I'd be worried to say anything because she's obviously a fragile person of she has to copy everything you do which means she could take what you say the wrong way and you lose your friendship - but only you know if she could could possibly react that way.

 

[Jayjay027]

I think I'm going to have to say something. Its just really annoying. I love her dearly and don't want this to come between us.

I had a 'bridesman' at my wedding in place of 'bridesmaid' as one of my best friends is gay. And she told me on Sat that she asked her friends gay roommate - who she barely knows - to be her bridesman, because she doesn't know any other gay men!!
Its the straw that broke the camels back for me really. I know I'm not the only person who's allowed a bridesman, but she barely knows this guy, he lives across the water, she doesn't even have his number or anything!

Thanks for the advice x

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[EssJayPea]

Oh no. This sounds like a bit of a no win situation.

Agree with the others about talking to her. You seem like a smart girl though and I guess it'll be how you say it that makes a difference. Maybe just reassuring her that being herself is amazing and what makes you love and value her as much as you do. And your LO will love her just as much. If she does something off her own back, praise it and maybe it'll encourage her to be more of an individual. Hope this doesn't sound like I'm saying to be patronizing!

Really hope you get something sorted soon.
Xx

 

[jules84]

Oh God she sounds a little nutty!

Hope ur 'talk' goes well xxx

 

[Jayjay027]

EssJayPea - no u didn't sound patronizing at all. Thanks for the advice! I'm going to have to approach it with caution.

Thanks for the advice girls!! Wish me luck lol.
*pulls hair out*

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[mrz85]

sounds like she she really admires u and ur life thats why she keeps coping u but It would drive me bonkers some1 copying everything good luck in speacking 2 her about it x

 

[Beeble]

Totally understand your frustration - I have this problem with my mum believe it or not. My OH keeps telling me that I should take it as a compliment but it feels like she is stealing my life in a way as you lose your individuality.

I don't really know what to advise on this cause I have not been able to sort this problem. Many people think I am being irrational if I bring it up and my mum gets really angry if I mention it to her.

I went to University at 17 to train as a Psychologist whilst my mum was wanting to be a teacher. After being accepted on the course she made a massive U-turn and ended up doing psychology too!

I was set to become the first girl in the family to have a degree but we graduated at the same time with the SAME degree!

She said she was interested in education psychology but I was interested in Clinical Psychology and Mental Health - but then she did a massive change again and because she got along with the professor he managed to wangle her a research assistant position in CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY. Where as I have been struggling to get my foot in the door.

She now has papers published and is working on her PHD and I am a carer being paid peanuts because I just don't do as well on applications and interviews as she does.

Looks like I am copying her now "taking after my mum" when the whole thing was my career path and she has taken it from me in a way.

Any bands or music I like she "liked first" and so on.

It is frustrating - I don't want to tell her anything anymore. She is living the life I planned for myself. GRRR.

 

[Amyrose]

I had a friend like that and I ended up having to cut her out of my life. She use to get so stroppy if I didn't call to see her everyday and copied everything I did. I eventually found out she was taking pictures on her phone of Rose when I wasnt looking and posting them on fb saying she was her baby it totally freaked me out and I had to tell her we couldn't be friends. The following day I had a letter stuffed through my letter box when I opened it i couldn't believe what was inside, pictures if me all cut from her wedding album just my head! I still get gobsmacked when I think about it.
I hope you can sort it with her it's awful to loose a good friend but sometimes it is for te best x

 

[Spinneygirl]

Its such a difficult situation, she is obviously very unhappy with herself. I think it depends whether telling her will help or just cause you to fall out. I do hope you sort it one way or the other xxx

 

[Jayjay027]

Thanks for all the advice girls.
I had a chat with her about it. She was quite embarrassed and said she hadn't realized she was doing it, but always thought I had such a good life and such good ideas.
Since then, she's been absolutely fine.

Amyrose - wow!!!! That is FREAKY stuff!!! X

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[tabbi]

Totally understand your frustration - I have this problem with my mum believe it or not. My OH keeps telling me that I should take it as a compliment but it feels like she is stealing my life in a way as you lose your individuality.

I don't really know what to advise on this cause I have not been able to sort this problem. Many people think I am being irrational if I bring it up and my mum gets really angry if I mention it to her.

I went to University at 17 to train as a Psychologist whilst my mum was wanting to be a teacher. After being accepted on the course she made a massive U-turn and ended up doing psychology too!

I was set to become the first girl in the family to have a degree but we graduated at the same time with the SAME degree!

She said she was interested in education psychology but I was interested in Clinical Psychology and Mental Health - but then she did a massive change again and because she got along with the professor he managed to wangle her a research assistant position in CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGY. Where as I have been struggling to get my foot in the door.

She now has papers published and is working on her PHD and I am a carer being paid peanuts because I just don't do as well on applications and interviews as she does.

Looks like I am copying her now "taking after my mum" when the whole thing was my career path and she has taken it from me in a way.

Any bands or music I like she "liked first" and so on.

It is frustrating - I don't want to tell her anything anymore. She is living the life I planned for myself. GRRR.

don't tell her anything your going to do or anything you like then see where she stands and dont let her have any input on yur life. and when it comes to your baby dont tell her anything or she might try copy again ah! x x x

 

[Amyrose]

It's was very freaky haha
I'm glad you sorted things Hun it sounds like she just really looks up to you x

 

[BellaRiven]

Glad you managed to sort things out with her Jay