Moan,moan,moan,moan moan!!!!!! V.long Sorry!

[evemarie8]

I have to get this off my chest this morning so I can try and chill out for the rest of the day, instad of biting everyones heads off like I have been doing so far.

Basicaly, I work for my parents, I have done since 2003.
Last year when I got pregnant and ended up miscarrying my mom was on holiday (an occurance which happens at least 5 times a year if not more) when she came back I was already loosing the baby and when I finally built up the courage to tell her she hit the roof and in a very roundabout way made it quite clear that its was a good thing as far as she was concerned as she didn't want to have to bother with getting new staff, she made me feel really guilty about wanting children at all and between then and this pregnancy constantly had little digs at me, saying things like "well if you get pregnant again, I shall have to close the business, I can't cope". Anyway, things got worse and in the end I found myself resenting her so much that getting pregnant again became not only something Brad and I wanted so badly but also an excuse to get away from her and work.

And so on to this time, we had finally decided to try again properly in November and I fell pregnant in December. When I went back to work in the January I didn't realise I was, then out of the blue the longest standing member of staff walked out. I found out about the pregnancy a few days later and was so worried because of my mom that I was crying!
CRYING??? Wheres the logic in that, I finally had the one thing I wanted more than anything and I was crying sad tears!!! I was so mad that she had made me feel like that and Brad was seething because he thought I was getting so upset I might miscarry again.
Anyway, with some support from Brad, I decidede to tell her straight away and get it over and done with to try to eliviate the worry I had.
Her first comment was "Oh thanks alot, you have just managed to scare off my best member of staff and now your leaving too"
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? The woman had walked out because of a row with her!!!!!! The bloody cheek!!!
Anyway, this went on, then the next thing was that she and Dad apparantly had wanted to go on holiday to Scotland in September and she would have to cancel now!! Sitting at work I have heard her tell this to at least 20 different people! Does this woman not want a grandchild?

Anyway there is too much stuff in between to explain here so I shall skip to yesterday...........

I woke up at 4 with a very itchy swollen rash covering my legs from hip to heel, I didn't know what had caused it and a cold bath wasn't cooling it down so I called NHS direct to see if I could take anything. The minute I told them I was pregnant they advised me to go to A&E to have some antihistamine that was safe, so I woke up Brad and off we went. When I got there they left me itching for ages then at 8 the nurse gave me piriton which she said was fine and to sit in the waiting area for a doctor to see me. Well at 20 past I was being sick, shaking, dizzy etc so they rushed me into a bed and then shot me with anti nausea drugs. To cut a very long story short (and scooting over the fact that when the doctor checked over me he didn't know I was pregnant until Brad sussed him out and shouted at him ) I eventually went home and Brad stayed to keep an eye on me.

And so back to my mom, she and dad had been away for the weekend so I called them to let them know what was going on and called work to say I
wouldn't be in. Moms reaction wasn't anything to do with the fact that I had been poorly and pumped full of drugs whilst pregnant, she was only bothered about the fact that she would be short staffed for the afternoon!
I tried to ignore this and went to sleep on the sofa to try sleep it all off only for Mom and Dad to turn up at my house 2 hours later.
She had a face like thunder and was complaining that she had had to cut her holiday short to come back and go into work to cover for me!?
I could see Brad getting worked up so I got up off the sofa to try and keep the peace and made myself feel worse!
They finally went, only for her to ring back in the evening to have a moan at me about things that hadn't been able to be done at work because I wasn't there! At this point Brad lost his rag with me because I wouldn't have a go back, and we ended up having a row about her not giving a sh*t. I lost my temper and started on his mom in return (stupid I know) and things got really nasty.

So this morning, with me and Brad still not talking, I have come into work to find rude e-mails in capital letters (how pathetic) from my mom about all the things she shouted at me about last night!!!!

Its got to the point now where if she doesn't show some interest in this pregnancy soon, other than finding it a burden on her, I really feel like getting on my maternity leave as soon as possible and shutting her out alltogether. I am supposed to be enjoying this time, not spending everyday upset by her!!!!!

Rant over.............sorry its so long, and thanks for letting me get it off my chest!!!!!!!!

 

[madam bully]

OH MY GOD

Sorry if I am out of order but why on earth are you still working for your Mother and what gives her the right to treat you like a piece of shit?

I am gobsmacked

You need to get yourself sorted before you do anything for her, you, Brad and the bubba are top priority not her or her job.

The stuff you said about his Mum was said in the heat of the moment after a very stressful couple of days and it was boiling point. You are both probably tired and upset about what has happened and this should just be one of those arguements that just gets forgotten as you both need to concentrate on other things.

If I was in your situation I would tell your Mum to either be nice or don't be around at all and let you enjoy your pregnancy and what should be one of the happiest times of your life.

I just want to give you big hugs

 

[frangelle]

Oh Eve Schmeeve I noticed you weren't on yesterday. You feeling any better hun?

Firstly, if it's her business, her staff is her responsibility not yours? Is she always like that with you? Have you tried sitting down and talking to her?

Secondly, I would make up with the OH, as he was really only trying to defend you,and if you've fallen out with the parents, you'll probably want him onside.

Failing that, go and get a box of krispy kremes and put on some jason Donovan while perving on Harold Bishop's trombone.

xxx

 

[evemarie8]

Failing that, go and get a box of krispy kremes and put on some jason Donovan while perving on Harold Bishop's trombone.

xxx

Soooooooooooooooooo Tempting!!!!!!!!

I knew you guys would cheer me up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Eve,

I totally sympathise: she sounds like a petulant brat. If you are expecting your first child, then chances are your mother is going through the menopause? It's a cruel twist of nature that as women are losing their fertility and becoming moody monsters with the loss of e.g. progesterone, that their daughters are in the peak of fertility (and, in your case, the bloom of pregnancy). Most mothers feel very strange - often even jealous of their pregnant daughters. Most don't admit it, of course, but it is common for the would-be grandmother to feel unsettled. If she is menopausal, then this might make your mother act more irrationally than usual? Try to reassure her, perhaps by saying that you will help her to find and train a replacement for you. Outside of work, try to involve her in your baby plans and let her know that you still need her (I'm saying all of these things, but she doesn't sound like the kind of lady this advice might work with!).

If your mother is not going through the menopause/has always favoured the "Iron Lady" style of parenting/managing her business, then you can work yourself into the ground, take it out on your poor partner and never please her anyway, or you can assert yourself for once. If you feel up to standing up to the ol' tyrant (and you might now resent me for being scathing of your mother! ), then change tack.

If your mother is treating you like an employee - not her daughter who is expecting her grandchild - then act like an employee: tell your "boss" that you have rights as a pregnant woman and will legally enforce them if she doesn't treat you with respect (including taking up to one year's maternity leave under the new legislation).

During your maternity leave, you might consider a career change!

I hope things calm down soon. At least it sounds as though you have a lovely partner. Perhaps you can show him your message on here so that he knows how you "really" see the whole situation (i.e. he's the "good guy", you mother the "baddy")? Yes, try to concentrate on your own homelife and tell your mother that when she comes to your home, she is no longer your boss.

xxx

 

[evemarie8]

OH MY GOD

Sorry if I am out of order but why on earth are you still working for your Mother and what gives her the right to treat you like a piece of sh*t?

I am gobsmacked

Not out of order at all, its the same question I keep asking myself??
Thing is at this stage of the pregnancy I am thinking - do I really want to tell her where to stick it and then have to worry about paying the bills and looking for other work with a company I might like less? Or do I just bite my lip and try to keep a low profile until my maternity leave starts?

It's so out of carachter for me to not confront someone who is upsetting me, but for some reason, my mom is the only person who always seems to get the better of me! She always has, I don't know why I still let her do it?

 

[frangelle]

Is your mum at work with you today and being civil? You can't leave your job until you've got the internet at home!!! Are you gonna go back and work for mother after you've had the baby?

Just to hijack your thread (for a change ) Did you read my thread in off topic about my reply from krispy kremes about my complaint of why there was nowhere by me that sells them?!!!

 

[frangelle]

It's so out of carachter for me to not confront someone who is upsetting me, but for some reason, my mom is the only person who always seems to get the better of me! She always has, I don't know why I still let her do it?

I'm like this with my Gran, I'm normally so gobby, opinionated and loud ( I know it's hard to believe ) but with her I just let her say what she wants and take it!!!

 

Eve,

If you are forced to leave because of your "boss"'s intolerable behaviour, remember that you can claim constructive dismissal and, if it's by reason of your pregnancy, the payout could be substantial! You wouldn't need to work for a long time AND your mother would most probably never speak to you again. Two birds ith one stone. RESULT

I'm (half) joking. I'm totally unscrupulous. If it was my mother, I'd take that route. But then again, my mum has never been the boss of me (I was even a precocious child)....

BTW your mother gets the better of you because she can guilt trip you (she's a master of your emotions) like no other

 

[evemarie8]

WendyWandy, I wont quote you as your post is nearly as long as mine but thanks so much, I obviously have got my point accross as you seem to have hit a few nails on the head there!!

I wish I could put her moods down to the delightful menopause but if thats the case then she has been going through "the change" since the day i was born, she has always been like this and I think the Iron Lady label suits her much better!

I really like your idea of showing the details of this thread to Brad, I feel so bad today, he really is so patient with me at the moment, and if his mom acted like this I would be the first one on my high horse ranting about her!

 

[evemarie8]

Is your mum at work with you today and being civil? You can't leave your job until you've got the internet at home!!! Are you gonna go back and work for mother after you've had the baby?

She's here but we haven't spoken yet!
I think I will have to go back to work for her after the birth, I am hoping his arrival may change her a bit, it will certainly be her last chance because if she is as grumpy a gran as she is a mom, I shall just separate myself from her completely!!

 

[evemarie8]

Just to hijack your thread (for a change ) Did you read my thread in off topic about my reply from krispy kremes about my complaint of why there was nowhere by me that sells them?!!!

Going over there in 5 mins, I am intreagued? Are they going to build one especially for you????

 

[AllieW]

My word. That's appalling. I'm with WendyWandy. As your Mum is so set on merely treating you like an employee (and badly, at that), then, personally I'd throw the book at her. If she's been sending emails etc, then everything is documented. Perhaps you can tell her that if she doesn't mend her ways, then this is precisely what you'll do and she may not have a business left to get worked up about!

You deserve better than this. Your Mum is behaving badly and inappropriately both as an employer and as your Mum. What on earth does your Dad think? Can he not have a word?

 

[evemarie8]

I'm like this with my Gran, I'm normally so gobby, opinionated and loud ( I know it's hard to believe ) but with her I just let her say what she wants and take it!!!

Bless, my nan is my sounding board, I called her last night and we bitched about mom, she is as unfond of her as I am, and Mom treats Nan worse than she treats me!!!!

 

[evemarie8]

You deserve better than this. Your Mum is behaving badly and inappropriately both as an employer and as your Mum. What on earth does your Dad think? Can he not have a word?

Unfortunately, my dad is one of those bury your head in the sand kind of men, he does what he is told, when he is told, he knows as well as I do, it's just not worth the hassle to argue with her!!!!

 

[frangelle]

Just to hijack your thread (for a change ) Did you read my thread in off topic about my reply from krispy kremes about my complaint of why there was nowhere by me that sells them?!!!

Going over there in 5 mins, I am intreagued? Are they going to build one especially for you????

No the b*stards!!! I might have to keep complaining as different people til they do. So we're back to the original plan, I give you lots of dosh and you send me lots of doughnuts!!

 

[evemarie8]

No the b*stards!!! I might have to keep complaining as different people til they do. So we're back to the original plan, I give you lots of dosh and you send me lots of doughnuts!!

Sounds good to me, although don't blame me if you end up all

like me!!!!

 

[frangelle]

I had a choc ice for breakfast

 

[alfie]

Eve you poor thing. I really think you need to leave. Working for her is obviously not working and i know it's hard but after baby is born you are going to need a job that works around you, brad and the baby not the other way round. I'm sure she will be horrible if you do decide to leave but hopefully she'll come round eventually.

Hope you're feeling better soon

Alfie
xx

 

[evemarie8]

I had a choc ice for breakfast

I often do that if I don't get time to make my toast, usually galaxy or mars

Aren't we greedy............... Blame it on the babies, they aren't born yet, they wont know!!!!