Need to moan, sorry...

[Dawny]

My cousin is driving me insane! My pregnancy seems to be a game of “I’ve done better than you” to her. She has had two kids, gorgeous little boys, and don’t get me wrong, I love her to bits, but she is really beginning to get on my nerves and the way my moods are at the mo I am gonna snap!!

She called last night to see how I am which was nice of her. I said I am ok, getting swollen ankles but apart from that all is good and Bam Bam is kicking and punching like a good un and Mik properly felt it last night. She said “Oh, well my fella could feel both of ours much earlier than this!” Then as always in her conversations with me she goes on about the birth and how horrible it is, how unbelievably painful it is and that I will be screaming for an epidural. Now I am well aware that a baby with a head the size of a melon has to come out a hole the size of a 10p coin so I understand I am gonna be thinking I am dying, but for god sake how many times do I have to tell her I DO NOT want an epidural?!?!? Its my choice, and I really don’t want one, but she keeps saying “Oh trust me you will, you will be screaming for one”.

I have pointed out to her that every woman who goes through childbirth is completely different, but she just keeps drumming in this ‘advice’ about me like I don’t have a brain to decide for myself, or I don’t know what I want!

Then I said how happy and excited I was that we where going for a 3D/4D scan and she said “Well we where going for one but they are over priced and not worth it” Fair enough, but it was the tone she said it in, like “Oh well you’ll learn”. Now I think if I want to spend the money then I will spend it. I have saved a load for this baby, got compensation when I was 15/16 so decided to leave it in a saving account for my first child.

Oh god I sound like a right cow but I don’t mean to. As I said I love her to bits and know she is there for me just like I am there for her, but I just don’t like being spoken too like I am thick and naïve.

I have not shouted or got angry at her (always ranted off at DH after bless him for listening!) so she does not know I feel like this as I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but if she carries on with her ‘advice’ I am gonna flip one day I just know it.

Sorry to moan, please don’t think I am a horrible person cos I am not, just need to rant or I will blow up I think.

 

[Flame]

I know what you mean.

I have a friend who is like that also, she is someone i went to school with and my mums best friends daughter.

She is constantly saying this and that is wrong, and i did this and that by now.

She has told me i have to get rid of her cats because she had to get rid of her lizard!

The thing is the majority of the stuff she says is complete rubbish! and it makes me really angry when she emails me to ask how i am then if i tell her i have had stomach pains or am a bit worried about something she just tells me my baby is going to be born miserable and that i should cheer up and enjoy my pregnancy.

The thing is she has never miscarried before and neither has her mum and its hard to relax when that has happened before, and they keep saying this one will be fine just stop worrying and enjoy it!

I feel like screaming at them but i cant

 

[kirlykird]

sometimes you just have to let it out...it's good for you and at least you've ranted off to us and not her...that must feel better.

Know it's hard but try to let it go in one ear and out of the other!

 

[LauraKC]

There is nothign worse than a know it all. my friend who has also had two kids is exaclty the same. it has got to the point where i dont want to talk to her. thing is, at the moment i tolerate it but when baby is born i am going to have no time for it. if she starts to tell me what to do with baby or makes me feel like im a bad mum i will NOT be impressed. Also her children are really badly behaved whereas my husband and i will be quite firm with ours. i think we will clash on this when her children come round and wreck teh place.

Maybe you shoudl tell your friend how shes making you feel? or like you say reaffirm that eveyrone is differnent and she should respect that, especially as she is your friend.

Know wha tyou mean about the mood swings! I snapped at my friend when she said to me 'You shoudl have foudn out the sex of the baby'. We dont want to know and thats our perogative!

 

[Scarlet06]

I've got a friend like this but she hasnt got any kids of her own, so she cant really comment.

Ive been feeling really tired for weeks and am usually in bed for 10 even on a weekend, (i used to be up till all hours) When i told her all she had to say was "why u so tired ur not that far gone u dont get tired that early on"

How would she no shes never been pregnant!

Just find it really anoying how she can comment on something shes never been through

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Hun i know what u mean! Maybe its best to have a kind word with her now while ur hormones arent as bad as they are going to be at the end? I snapped at alot of people in the last week and fell out with many people too, which now i feel really bad about! Just find the right words and tell her. Then maybe she wont be like that anymore? My friend is a week and 2 days overdue now and ppl keep calling and calling her etc and she keeps snapping at people. She snapped at me too but coz ive been there before i could understand why she snapped and didnt really mean it! I told her i understand how shes feeling and its ok to rant for a bit, but shes gotta understand alot of people will take it bad like they did to me, and she said sorry etc and is alot nicer to people now which is bloody hard considering shes overdue bless her!!
Just tell her the right way before u snap and it comes out wrong and could ruin ur friendship. She wont stop on her own coz she doesnt know how u feel and she thinks shes just helping hun
I know its hard but u gotta have a chat with her, orsneak it into conversation? Or say ur mums being like that and its annoying etc etc and she might get the hint?
Anyway i hope it all woks out hun try not to stress about it, let it pass over ur head if u dont want to talk about it

 

[rusks]

my midwife told me at the beginning of my pregnancy that there is 2 people that will p$%s you throughout your pregnancy. whatever they do, whatever they say and how much you like/love them they will never be able to say anything you want to hear, even if someone else says something exactly the same if its coming out of there mouth it will never be right.

i think she is right!!
unfortunatly my two people are my mum and brother!! and i feel guilty cos i think i should be feeling closer to my mum and not so distant.

i do sympathise dawny, at the end of the day you have to remember that it doesn't matter what your friend says and thinks and she probably doesn't mean it how it comes across, or maybe shes jealous! the most important thing is that you are going to have your little baby soon in your arms and you and your OH are going to love it like nothing else, this is what i try to keep in mind when my mother says anything that upsets me.

 

[Icecream]

Don't feel bad for feeling like that. It is a very personal and emotional thing you are going through. On the other hand, try not to worry over it too much now you have it off your chest. That is not good for you or baby.

 

[cloud9]

my MIL is the worst for me she is in competition with me ..I told her i want to get through the birth with just gas and air if i can she did it with nothing ..i could name hundreds of things like this

I guess i know i am not in competition with her and we will bring up this baby our way and let it float over my head as much as poss...I also now avoid things she may have an opinion on ...hard one that LOL

keep venting if it helps