Mistake

[sarah1]

I made the mistake of confiding in a newly married friend about our problems, he proceeded to tell me about some of his friends and family who had been trying for ages and had problems but now have children . Most of them were unexplained but one was very overweight and had pcos and apparantley once you get healthy it goes away.... I know I'm being cruel but come on!

I know he is trying to help but that just makes me feel worse. He even used the whole 'relax and it will happen' line. Er, no it wont. Even if it does, without treatment I WILL have another miscarriage.

I really wish we hadn't told them now. He just wrote it off as it was nothing, something that we shouldn't worry about because it'll all be fine. When will people understand what I am actually trying to tell them? This is why we are not telling anyone else, ever!

Hmmpfff. I am done now xxxxxx

 

[LouiseB]

Oops...

Sorry Sarah

I think it's hard to talk to anyone about something that they haven't been through themselves and expect them to be able to relate.

Why can't people just tell you they are sorry about the difficulties you are having and that they hope it gets better instead of trying to teach you about something that they haven't actually been through.

 

[Lander]

I'm sorry they reacted this way hun.

I do have a friend who has been through a very long journey not unlike yours, who does now have a healthy 9 month old, with the help of a lot of treatment.

Just put the reaction out of your mind, you're right, they just don't understand. Focus on getting yourself in the right place to move on in your journey

 

[BabyBrain]

He's a bloke hunny, reality is completely beyond them with most things xxxxxxxxxx

 

[sarah1]

Thanks girls, now I don't feel so mean! Me and hubby were just discussing it, its not the same situation but its like when you're ill and someone says 'oh I had that'. Its really annoying, my Mum always does it. We joke that hubby could tell her he had ball ache and she'd still say ooooo I had that!

I don't want people to have to go through this to understand it, I just think everyone thinks were being silly and there's nothing wrong with us. Fertility related problems are so taboo aswell, if people were allowed to talk it would be better x x x x

 

[Vickyxx]

I have lost track on the number of times I have been told "just relax and it will happen" ... it is such a derogative thing to say to someone who has infertility issues and it really annoys me!!

Try and forget what an arse your friend was hun, he doesnt understand and will never understand.

 

[CARNAT22]

I made the mistake of confiding in a newly married friend about our problems, he proceeded to tell me about some of his friends and family who had been trying for ages and had problems but now have children . Most of them were unexplained but one was very overweight and had pcos and apparantley once you get healthy it goes away.... I know I'm being cruel but come on!

I know he is trying to help but that just makes me feel worse. He even used the whole 'relax and it will happen' line. Er, no it wont. Even if it does, without treatment I WILL have another miscarriage.

I really wish we hadn't told them now. He just wrote it off as it was nothing, something that we shouldn't worry about because it'll all be fine. When will people understand what I am actually trying to tell them? This is why we are not telling anyone else, ever!

Hmmpfff. I am done now xxxxxx

I am sure he meant well Sarah but sometimes people just say the wrong thing.

That is the main reason I keep my issues to myself as I am likely to murder the next person that gives me the "relax and it will happen" line. No it flipping wont.

Forgive me for being so nosey but I note that you have had mutiple miscarriages and I interested to hear if you have ever been to a recurrent Miscarriage clinic and what it entailed (I know everyone is different of course but I just wanted a rough idea!) I have an appointment in early Jan with my local recurrent miscarriage clinic

xxxxxxxxx

 

[sarah1]

Thanks hun, ironically only very few people know about our problems - not even our parents know. We won't be telling any more. Its annoying having to bite your tongue so much isn't it?!

Sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I had the tests for recurrent miscarriages done at the infertility clinic as I was already seeing the doctor there anyway - they test blood for clotting disorders and things, you will be tested for underactive thyroid and a few other things too (can't remember what). I'm still waiting back on some of my results as I got a borderline positive for having lupus so had a re-test. Will find out results in a few weeks. After the miscarriages my doc told me to take aspirin every day which I was doing until we had to stop TTC for a bit because waiting to see doctor to sort out low progesterone before next cycle of clomid. I hope you get some answers from them xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Thanks hun, ironically only very few people know about our problems - not even our parents know. We won't be telling any more. Its annoying having to bite your tongue so much isn't it?!

Sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I had the tests for recurrent miscarriages done at the infertility clinic as I was already seeing the doctor there anyway - they test blood for clotting disorders and things, you will be tested for underactive thyroid and a few other things too (can't remember what). I'm still waiting back on some of my results as I got a borderline positive for having lupus so had a re-test. Will find out results in a few weeks. After the miscarriages my doc told me to take aspirin every day which I was doing until we had to stop TTC for a bit because waiting to see doctor to sort out low progesterone before next cycle of clomid. I hope you get some answers from them xxxx

Our families only know about M/c #1, we just didn't want to burden anyone else with this

Thanks for the heads up. In all honesty I do not care what they do to me as long as I get some answers.

We don't have any trouble conceiving (which I know is a bonus) but I just cannot stay pregnant.

I know that our families and the few friends we told about M/c #1 all expected us to annouce a pregnancy pretty soon afterwards (I don't know why but for some reason people seem to expect you to want to be pregnant again ASAP after a loss - and they have a point as all I want is to have a healthy, viable pregnancy!)

If anyone asks me directly then I'll tell them but I just don't want to unleash this sadness on my friends and family.

OH's Mum is a nurse (ironically at the hospital that I go to for all the M/c stuff) and I'd love to confide in her!!

I never expected it to be such a battle when this all started for me back in May?

I must say the PF is a God send though - you ladies are all amazing!

xxxxxxxxxx