Missed miscarriage 13 weeks :(

[Sammy43]

I am 24 and after being told it would be hard or impossible for me to conceive, I came off my pill thinking it wouldn't happen. 2 weeks later I was pregnant and me and my partner were both stunned and excited given what we were told. We went to have our 12 week scan, we were told there was a strong heart beat and she showed us different parts of the baby. She then went completely quiet and we were told there was a concerning amount of fluid around the baby and that the measurement at the back of the neck was larger than they would have liked. We were told this would mean a high risk of Edwards Syndrome and best case senario of Down's syndrome. We were rendered to another hospital 3 days later for an amniocentesis test. By this time I was 13 weeks. I was rescanned before the procedure. I was told the baby had no heartbeat. We were devostated. I was told that it takes 3 weeks to pass naturally. I decided that I couldn't handle having a baby inside me no longer alive and went to hospital to give birth to the baby 4 days later. It was the most traumatic experience of my life. My waters broke and I experienced contractions and was given pain relief. My partner was amazing he saw things I would never had wanted him to see. After the baby had passed, I had to stay overnight in hospital and wait for the placenta. My partner slept on the hospital floor and helped me. I felt so many unpleasant feelings. When I finally passed the placenta I was shocked at the size, but I keep replaying the experience in my mind. It feels like everything happens so fast. I felt so low, my parents were on holiday so I didn't tell them until they were home, as I didn't want them to worry. Now I have gone back to work after the holiday and had to let them know what happend. I am finding it so hard as I now work with 5 pregnant women and one who was due the same time as me. My brother also has just found out they are having a girl and it got me, as it just makes me feel like it could have been us. Some days I am in floods of tears and other days I'm fine and trying to find the positives like I can fall. I'm trying to be strong and be happy for those pregnant around me but I keep crumbling as its a constant reminder everyday of what could have been for me and my partner. It feels so serial like nothing ever happend, but it did happen, just all so fast. I just wanted to share my story and hope someone can relate to it because sometimes it's easy to talk to someone you don't know but understand. I'm just really finding it tough right now to deal with this.

 

[Unicorn]

Hi Sammy, I am so sorry to hear what an ordeal you have been through! Have you considered having counselling to deal with the trauma? Why was it you were told that you wouldn't be able to conceive? xx

 

[millielaura]

I can really relate to this. I had a missed m/c at 14 weeks 4 years ago and also had the medical management in hosp. It took a long time to get over, it was a big shock physically too. I will always remember it but it does get a bit better in time I promise. Feel free to send me a pm if you would like a chat xx

 

[BunnyN]

My experience is different because I had a very early loss so it had little physical impact but I can relate to finding it hard to be around pregnant women, For a while I had to hold back tears every time I saw a pregnant woman or baby in the supermarket. It must be so hard to work with a woman due when you would have been,

 

[kaz1983]

I had missed mc at 12eeeks we were told at 12week scan bqby had died at 9weeks i had medical management which like u say is very traumatic an still now i can hear the sonographers words of "its not good news im afraid" i wasnt offered counselling i had to ask my go to refer me id urge u to do the same its not nice talking about it an i can totally relate to the hurt ur feeling at being around pregnant people but it does get easier ul never ever forget more than a year on it still haunts me some day it can b a simple thing that triggers the memories

Rest plenty an take ur time grieving big hugs hun xx

 

[Sammy43]

Hi Sammy, I am so sorry to hear what an ordeal you have been through! Have you considered having counselling to deal with the trauma? Why was it you were told that you wouldn't be able to conceive? xx

Thank you. We were told that it would be hard to concieve or not happen because I was told I have polycystic ovaries and endometriosis. So with having both they said it was very unlikely, yet 2 weeks later I was pregnant..so I am trying to take that I can concieve as a positive from this experience. Counselling was another story... I wasn't offered any counciling so I went to the doctors as I needed to talk to someone and to see what they could do. The doctor made me feel like I was wasting her time, I felt worse when I came out. she said from a doctors point of view she would never have got excited at that stage as it was the danger period (how can you not get excited though?) but I explained that I made it just passed the danger zone. She just said it was a natural thing then gave me a leaflet on stress!!! I had to ask her if there was any counciling and she just told me to have a look at the leaflet on stress!!! Which is why I have signed up to this website as I feel a bit lost.
Xx

 

[Sammy43]

Thank you for all your kind responses, I find it easier to talk to those who understand what we had to go through and everything after. Luckily I never bought anything baby related as I was holding out just until the 12 weeks, so I am glad I did hold out. I don't know about you but it's been much harder for me than my partner I think..as with him he had no physical changes, he had no morning sickness and everything else, so for him it was all words that we were pregnant. Obviously it was more real in the hospital but I think as us females we have that instant connection and we had to change our life for those weekes and what we could eat and do. Whereas with a man, he could still do all the things he did and nothing changed for him, just the idea of it all. Obviously he was as devostated as me, but he didn't have to go through the physical changes. Do you know what I mean? So it's easier for the man to go back to the usual routine as he didn't change anything through the pregnancy. He has given me so much support and he got on with whatever he had to do. I mean everything seemed to happen at once. We got engaged in May, told it would be hard or impossible to fall pregnant, fell pregnant in June and moved house in July, lost baby end of August. So it's been very full on with ups and downs. Althoug going through what we went through has made us even stronger and makes me want to marry him even more so we set a date to give ourselves something to look forward to. I am really trying to find the positives. We have s hospital appointment in a few weeks to hopefully get some more answers xxx

 

[BunnyN]

Wow the doctor was really insensitive and unhelpful!I dont blame you for feeling worse after!

 

[kaz1983]

Wen i went into hospital the young doctor who saw me first had a right attitude on her but i soon got that outra her.....i asked for minimal prodding an poking an she was like "well wat are u actually here for" then wen i explained i thot i was muscarryong myself she asked if id seen a placenta before i couldnt help but gove her attitude back and said "funnily enoughi was at the other end the last time so no i havent seen one before" why do they nd to b rude an dismissive yes i know they deal wi this stuff everyday but we dont xx

 

[Sammy43]

Exactly! They forget that don't they. It makes me so angry! X

 

[Tina18]

So sorry to hear about your loss Sammy �� I losses my baby at 10 weeks 3 days and also had medical managment it was so traumatic.

Time is a great healer though and you will have days where you cry but that's just natural. The only positive thing that came out of it for me was that I can get pregnant, when a lot of women can't, I always think there is somebody going through worse than you, these were the only thoughts that got me through. Everybody is different though

This experience will make you stronger and you will get through it and get your rainbow baby at the end.

Another member on pregnancy forum said to me

"And even though times seem bad It always rains before the rainbow"

Sending Lots of love to you and your partner ️xxx

 

[Sammy43]

So sorry to hear about your loss Sammy �� I losses my baby at 10 weeks 3 days and also had medical managment it was so traumatic.

Time is a great healer though and you will have days where you cry but that's just natural. The only positive thing that came out of it for me was that I can get pregnant, when a lot of women can't, I always think there is somebody going through worse than you, these were the only thoughts that got me through. Everybody is different though

This experience will make you stronger and you will get through it and get your rainbow baby at the end.

Another member on pregnancy forum said to me

"And even though times seem bad It always rains before the rainbow"

Sending Lots of love to you and your partner ️xxx

Thank you! The rain before the rainbow makes complete sense, it just seems to be raining for a long time. Yeah this is what I have been trying to say to myself that it is a positive than I can fall pregnant and I do understand there is so many people who are going through worse. I just still have so many questions. I will get there and I know it will take time. Thanks for your support. I can honestly say I have had more support on here than I have from my own doctor! I am going to change my doctor as I think it's disgusting how they treated me x

 

[kaz1983]

I think you should change your doctor too sounds like they dont care about their patients

It will seem like its raining for a long time and il be honest more than a year after my mc i still have rainy days theyre very rare though and like Tina18 said it will make you stronger i am a far stronger more determined person than before i never took noones crap before im even less likely to take their crap now

Just take time to grief and like you said youve taken the fact that you got pregnant as a positive why dont you start a list with that at the top so you can look at it and see you can get pregnant and add to it each time you take the next step.....i have done that after seeing my counsellor its a list of all the things she told me were normal for how i was feeling as all part of the grieving process xx

 

[MrsS143]

I miscarried at 9 weeks
Had 'retained products of conception' which became necrotic/infected
I had failed medical management and eventually an erpc just before i shouldve been 12 weeks

It was physically traumatic from a pain and blood loss point of view
But emotionally has taken me a gpod year and a half to not cry over it
Due date, 1st birthday, 1st Christmas... You just feel an empty loss over it all
I dont know if it ever goes that feeling of what could be x

 

[Sammy43]

Thanks that sounds like a good idea, I might try it. Yes I am changing my doctors surgery. They were just so insensitive and gave me a leaflet on stress!!! I was fuming! Xxx

 

[kaz1983]

Ive got my list pinned on my wall at work and also a model of wat my counsellor went over and how i can stop myself getting into a downer - u will be stressd with them going on like that xx

 

[Sammy43]

I miscarried at 9 weeks
Had 'retained products of conception' which became necrotic/infected
I had failed medical management and eventually an erpc just before i shouldve been 12 weeks

It was physically traumatic from a pain and blood loss point of view
But emotionally has taken me a gpod year and a half to not cry over it
Due date, 1st birthday, 1st Christmas... You just feel an empty loss over it all
I dont know if it ever goes that feeling of what could be x

I completely understand how traumatic it is. Physically and emotional. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know with me I was showing really early as I had a lot of fluid around the baby which was why they were concerned, but for me I could see a physical change in my tummy shape. It was hard to see it wasn't there and your so right you do feel empty. As I know for me everyday you knew your were pregnant your thought process changes, then when it's taken away your thought process is too. Yeah I have heard people say once all the first's of everything is out of the way it become easier. But it is something that we will never forget. People have said its time that makes it more bare able. Xxxx

 

[MrsS143]

In my head i rationalised it all as it just wasnt the right time for us
But the fact we were so gutted proved we were definitely ready for a baby and would be good parents together
I took solace in that x

 

[Sammy43]

I have just been on the phone with the hospital and the have been able to tell me our baby didn't have a chromosome problem, therefore didn't have Down's syndrome or Edwards syndrome. They were so convinced as best case scenario was Down's due to the amount of fluid. So we know it was nothing to do with genetics which is hopeful that this may not happen again. So they say they think it was more of a structural problem like heart, lungs or stomach that didn't form properly. It literally could have been just one of those things. Still don't know why and I don't know if we will know. We still have another set of results to wait for but should know a bit more when we go to our appointment in a couple of weeks xxx

 

[MrsS143]

Most people will never know
Life is hard enough without problems without bringing into the mix a baby that does have something wrong
And if like you say with syndromes or abnormalities... I think itd be worse having them pass in later pregnancy or shortly after birth... Because as you say your thought process changes more with time x