MC at 10 + 6 weeks :(

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Munz, Jan 24, 2012.

  1. Munz

    Munz Well-Known Member

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    You never think it'll happen to you... only found out yesterday OH and me are devastated.
    I keep thinking what I did wrong.. all the what if's???

    everyone keeps telling me to be strong and not to cry as if to say get over it but I feel heartbroken!! I don't know what else to do but cry?

    Although hubby's been my rock I feel so empty?..... I'm just lost for words :(
     
  2. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun,

    I saw your update in Tri 1 and posted there yesterday!

    Firstly - once again I am so, so sorry to hear your sad news..

    You did nothing wrong hun - miscarriages are not caused by us and anything we do... Please do not blame yourself!

    Whoever is telling you to be "strong" probably means well, but what you need to do is grieve. Of course you are sad and it will take time to get through this horrible event.

    Keep warm, make sure you eat and drink and let us know if we can do anything to help!

    xxxxxxxxx
     
    #2 CARNAT22, Jan 24, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2012
  3. Munz

    Munz Well-Known Member

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    I have a strong sense of guilt? I feel like I've let everyone down and it's all my fault ? I don't know if what I'm feeling is "normal" :( OH & me had a sleepless night I could tell he was awake and vice versa... :( I just want this nightmare to end..
     
  4. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    I think guilt is a natural part of the grieving process!

    The harsh reality is most miscarriages occur as there was a chromosomal abnormality with the fetus and our bodies could not continue with the pregnancy and so miscarriage occurs

    It doesn't help I know, but I promise you this was not your fault

    xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  5. daniph1

    daniph1 Well-Known Member

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    Sweetheart. You are not to blame in any way. I had a mc in Oct at 9 +5 weeks nd it broke my heart. I felt lost, empty and as if I was useless. Its so easy to say and I didnt believe any of the girls on here when they said it to me but time will ease your pain. Maybe not for a long time but one day. I mc for the second time on Saturday. Earlier days though. Its hit me but I feel stronger now. Its very strange. The ladies on ere are wonderful, without them I dont know where my head would be now, thankfully they have helped me to realise that it is not my fault - like it is not your fault, unfortunately its just a horrible horrible thing for you to go through. Wen it happened to me, I felt as if someone had taken a chunk out of me, in a way I ad lost a part of me, my baby. The baby that was so wanted and loved even before he was concieved.

    Nothing I can say can ease your pain but please please please never think it is your fault. And also use use ladies here, we have been through it we can help as much as you will let us.

    I am so so sorry for your loss, much love
    Dani xxxx
     
  6. mishi

    mishi Well-Known Member

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    Honey, again I am so sorry and wish someone could help you, but no words are going to make you feel better right now. This was NOT your fault though and you could have done NOTHING to stop this. I realise it is part of the process, but please try not to blame yourself. I have lost two little beans, it was a long time ago, but I remember those feelings of guilt very well, but I now realise that nothing I could have done would have changed the outcome. As Carnat says, the majority of the time it is due to a chromosome abnormality and you could not have prevented that.
    :hugs: and love coming your way.xx
     
  7. TeeUK

    TeeUK Well-Known Member

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    I understand how you feel...3rd time for me only found out baby died Monday got to give birth Thursday...I feel same way...hugs xx
     
  8. Sunbeam638

    Sunbeam638 Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry it's such a sad thing to go through. Cry and let it out don't bottle your emotions up. Thinking of you x
     
  9. netty

    netty Well-Known Member

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    sso sorry hun big hugs x
     
  10. rubyraven

    rubyraven Well-Known Member

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    i am so sorry to read your feeling this way, it's nothing you have done at all. I have just lost my baby too, 10+4 so I know exactly what your going through, but this will make us stronger people and we will get through it and all these other lovely ladies here are proof of that xx
     
  11. pinkclara

    pinkclara Well-Known Member

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    so sorry hun, thinking of you xxx
     
  12. nikki8092

    nikki8092 Well-Known Member

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    so sorry hun, thoughts are with you and your family xxx
     
  13. cosmicgirl

    cosmicgirl Well-Known Member

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  14. dyscochick

    dyscochick Well-Known Member

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    I'm do sorry, mine was at the same stage. You feel guilt, grief, responsibility, all mixed up together and it rips your heart out. Noone really understands until you've been there. Bigs hugs lovely, people will mean well and tell you how to feel but I hope you've got people who will listen to how you do feel! We are all here for you xxx
     
  15. TORino

    TORino Well-Known Member

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    Really sorry to read this hun xx
     
  16. JJ Mum

    JJ Mum Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, I'm so sorry this happened - sending you a huge hug XX

    The ladies are right, the first thing it's natural to do it blame yourself, spend loads of time lookign for a cause, something you did or didn't do, that caused this horrible outcome. I lost at 11 plus 5 weeks , and wasted so much time looking for reasons. I even emailed the deoderant company of a new deoderant I was using to see if it caused it, and even now I won't strip paint from woodwork, felt fumes may have been an issue at the time.

    I didn't move on and start feeling better till I stopped doing this, and said to myself, ok baby had a chromozone issue, it couldn't have progressed further , I was not at fault, it was out of my control.

    Do keep talking on here with us all, it reallly helps you, the more you talk about it, the easier you will find talking about it, little bit , by little bit.

    It's great your oh is being supportive , and together you will get through this X
     
  17. laurat

    laurat Well-Known Member

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    So sorry honey! Xxxx
     
  18. Sali2012

    Sali2012 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry for your loss....don't blame yourself! I felt the same for weeks, what did I do, how could I have prevented it but then I realised that there wasn't anything I could have done to stop it... Once it started, it was going to end in misery! I'm really sorry to hear about your pain and hope you get through this difficult time xx
     
  19. Munz

    Munz Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all for all ur kind words... today is exactly a week since my angel left for heaven :( still very emotional as expected, esp as a cousin is exactly the same stage of pregnancy I would have been (12weeks tomorrow)

    I've stopped bleeding 3 days ago and since then hubby and I decided we were going to try again.. I know I know ppl say to wait a month but frankly I couldn't give a monkeys lol I guess this is my way of looking towards the future and not beating myself up over something I had no control over.

    gone too soon, but never forgotten 21/1/12 xxx
     
  20. JJ Mum

    JJ Mum Well-Known Member

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    It's when is right for you two hun , it does help when you start to TTC, as you have something to focus on like you did before , as you say for the future

    Wishing you lots of luckXX
     

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