Ladies... I need womanly advice

[ml600]

Hello all! It's a bit of a long story so I'll try to keep it short.

My OH has a child by his ex. She was pregnant when we got together but he didn't know about it, he found out when she was 7 months! Anyway, she has massive issues with me and banned me from seeing the child (he's nearly 5 now). When me and my OH decided to try for a baby I said this issue would need sorting and he promised it would be. When I was 12 weeks he told his ex over text. She never replied and he didn't mention it again until I was 20 weeks - and old because I told him he had to! She simply said she never got the text and she had nothing to say about it, end of. Since then I've pleaded with him to sort it out, it always turns into s huge argument with him Saying it's difficult because she's the type to stop him seeing the child. A month ago we had a huge argument about it and I cried my eyes out telling him he was making me regret having the baby now because he lied to me, and that I hated him for making me feel that way. Im now 30 weeks and starting to really get down about it. My OH often only has one day a week off work so he would be torn between seeing me and the baby, or seeing his other son. I also want my son to know his brother. I've tried talking to the ex in the past myself but she goes crazy, so that's not an option. He says he knows he needs to legal access in place but just don't actually do it.

So I don't know what to do from here... Do I keep pushing? Give up and accept this situation? I just don't know anymore... What would you do??

Thanks xxx

 

[buggy1]

I don't have experience of this but I'd say not to push as you don't legally have any rights, if things are going to change you oh needs to try and implement the changes. I appreciate his fears but he has rights x

 

[KHTW]

I assume she has a full custody of the boy. Your OH could fight for shared custody and legally established the number of days he sees his son.

If all is legalized his ex cannot forbid you from seeing the boy unless it is proven that you pose a danger to him.

If it was me I would take it to court and have it all in paper.

Good luck x

 

[kumber]

I think, without meaning to sound too blunt, your OH needs to man up a little. There's very little you can do, it needs to come from him as he's his child - he needs to sort out access to his son, through a family court if needs be.

Rather than going to the ex, perhaps book an appointment with a solicitor for both of you to go so he can at least find out where he, you and your baby stand. It might give him the push he needs? Alternatively, leave leaflets about the place as a hint?

 

[Browneyed Girl]

If he only has one day off a week this situation can't really carry on - he needs to be able to spend that day with both his children. She is likely to put up resistance to any change because she's been allowed to dictate things until now but your oh has to stand up to her! If she's got issues with you, what are they as they need to be resolved. If she's just being petty because you're with her ex she's needs to grow up. In short I wouldn't accept it, it's not practical and it needs sorting. His son is 5 so has an established relationship with his dad, you would hope she wouldn't stop contact just out of spite. I went to court with my ex-husband to sort out access with his son and I would say it should be a last resort - it's expensive (I think it cost us about £7k around 10 years ago and she did agree to our requests in court so it wasn't particularly drawn out), time consuming and definitely not an easy option xx

 

[ml600]

Thank you all for your replies. He's says before he thinks that the legal route is the way he needs to go, but he's still not done anything! It's driven me mad for 5 years, which I can cope with. But I can't cope with it affecting my baby...
Her issues with me are purely because I'm with her ex. I've never met her or had anything to do with her so never caused her any issues. She's a nightmare!! X

 

[mylullaby]

I think your anger at her is misplaced to be honest. It's his child and his responsibility to get this sorted - especially now there's a half-sibling on the way. Yes the legal route is the way to go and yes it's likely to be costly. But something has to change - and he's the only person who can make that happen. I'd be asking: What is he going to do and over what timeframe? I can only speak for myself here but something this huge would make me seriously question my relationship, so assuming it's the same for you - and it sounds like it's putting a hell of a lot of strain on your relationship as well as your emotional wellbeing at the moment - I would be handing my OH a list of local specialist family solicitors offering free half-hour consultations and telling him that unless he is prepared to call them, arrange some meetings and actually get the ball rolling to resolve this massive issue within your lives, you're not prepared to hang around waiting. The situation just isn't sustainable. I can't believe he hasn't done something about this before now. Be kind to yourself honey - this must be so stressful for you. Make sure you take time to relax if you can. Hope this is sorted soon xxx