Karleigh

[hopeandfaithxo]

I was too upset to post anything about this anywhere else, so I am posting it here.
Three weeks ago approximately I had a MC, just a few days after finding out I was actually pregnant. My OH and I believe the baby was female. I felt numb... and smoked a lot of cigarettes as a result. I remember my OH pulled up in his car near my house and comforted me and I honestly felt like my insides were ripping themselves apart - in a physical & emotional sense. I just felt like awful and like I must somehow deserve this pain, cos it always seems to happen, things like this. :/

My OH is being very supportive though, and loving. I feel like I knew the baby and actually like someone close to me had died... but recently I've noticed I have pushed it to the back of my mind, and today I feel guilty for doing so - it's not fair on her to barely be remembered by her mother.

Physically I feel much better - it was all extremely quick. Sometimes I think about her though and feel very sick again - for more reasons than one.

I have dreams a lot though: I had a dream she was in my arms and I actually DROPPED her - and there was all this gore and I was screaming and no one came to help.. I've also had a dream she was this little toddler (I was staying at butlins at the time), and she was there with me and my OH and we were walking her around the park and it was really nice. So basically thats a nightmare and a wishful dream... it sucks.

I do happen to feel like anyone that actually knows of my recent loss actually has no idea how I feel day in day out from it. Some days I seem better and like I can cope, other days I just don't see the point anymore.

And, as for trying to remember her - I'm thinking of starting a little rememberance journal book thing or something - idk but I feel like I should do something - at least light a candle when it's been a year maybe. I'm trying not to too draw too much attention - but maybe doing something in memory of her might be the answer to helping me get used to the idea of her being gone.

Last thing, we decided to give her a name, even while I was pregnant. Her name is Karleigh-Rose, Karleigh shortened. I will never forget my little girl - a little girl who was clearly too good for this world...

 

[kanga86]

So sorry for ur loss Hun

I think it is so special that u have given her a name, and what a lovely one it is. Xx

 

[hopeandfaithxo]

So sorry for ur loss Hun

I think it is so special that u have given her a name, and what a lovely one it is. Xx

Thank you x

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

So sorry for your loss hun x x

 

[cosmicgirl]

So sorry for your loss hun, a beautiful name for a beautiful soul too good for this world xx

 

[dyscochick]

So sorry for you loss sweetheart. There are a few of us here that mc's recently, you'll get as much support as we can give. Its such a hard thing to deal with. I've had dreams too, awful ones that I can't bear to really talk about, all related to the mmc. thinking of you hun xx

 

[Spinneygirl]

Sorry for your loss xxx

 

[hopeandfaithxo]

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your kind words x

 

[JJ Mum]

So sorry for you loss X

You will never forget , you will have ups and downs at different times in the year , even when something completly unrelated happens , it may set you off etc, but it really does get better, you will not feel like this forever - just wanted to let you know that.

I found talking to the lovely ladies on here, just like your doing with this post really helped me. I thought I would want a break from PF, but actually it became my daily theraphy and reminded me on my purpose , gave me the direction I needed if that made sense. The more you talk about it, the easier you will find it to talk about it, so your doing just the right thing.

I waited for months until I felt ready to go and buy a special rose with a lovely name to remember my baby. I brought one called Sweet Rememberance , and lovely yellow one whose flowers turn white before they fall off! It jumped out as us at the garden centre, it is planted in pride of place and has forget-me-nots planted around the base. We just called our baby " Angel" as it covered both genders and felt right - I really love your name choice it's perfect.

 

[hopeandfaithxo]

So sorry for you loss X

You will never forget , you will have ups and downs at different times in the year , even when something completly unrelated happens , it may set you off etc, but it really does get better, you will not feel like this forever - just wanted to let you know that.

I found talking to the lovely ladies on here, just like your doing with this post really helped me. I thought I would want a break from PF, but actually it became my daily theraphy and reminded me on my purpose , gave me the direction I needed if that made sense. The more you talk about it, the easier you will find it to talk about it, so your doing just the right thing.

I waited for months until I felt ready to go and buy a special rose with a lovely name to remember my baby. I brought one called Sweet Rememberance , and lovely yellow one whose flowers turn white before they fall off! It jumped out as us at the garden centre, it is planted in pride of place and has forget-me-nots planted around the base. We just called our baby " Angel" as it covered both genders and felt right - I really love your name choice it's perfect.

Thank you :')

 

[EllieC]

so sorry for your loss hun. the girls are right you never forget but it does get easier. sending you hugs and supports xx

 

[hopeandfaithxo]

Thank you everyone x

 

[kirstymichelle]

oh i'm so sorry that was so hard to read , I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks everything was going fine and then i felt as though i was in labour , i wont go into details as it was too horrific , anyway what i'm tryin to get at is it does get better and you although you never forget it gets easier. That name is gorgeous x x x