Just found out my long term partner has been cheating for last month. Need support

[wookie]

I dunno,it's a tough one...people make mistakes but twice ? he clearly loves you but can't keep his d... in his pants ! I would suggest that if you let him back you both get some councelling sessions because he has issues and you'll need to learn to trust him again..not easy ! take care hun xx

 

[Dani2810]

Loadsa hugs honey you will need it right now...I'm going through a tough time at the moment too and just feel depressed men hey are there any good 1s out there I'm starting to wonder.
You need to do what you feel is best for you unfortunately that is easier said than done I imagine you still feel as if your at a crossroad and trying to decide which is the best route to take
Sending you loads love and strength to help you through this tough time xxx

 

[lonelymummy]

Thanks people. Im not making excuses for him but his d*** has never actually left his pants which is a confusing thing too.

The first time he had given his number to a woman and text her a few times. This time the woman asked for his number, he said he had a gf but gave number anyway so has been texting her and has been to a pub 3 times with her in the afternoon after work.

It finished before I found out as she wanted more and he refused to leave me or meet her more privately, although there has been kissing. And this has come from her not him. He has confirmed all this.

I dont think this makes it better but it is a bit easier. Anyway hes been for some stuff while i went for food with my friends and left me a letter etc etc.

Im too confused.

 

[Cazza]

Of course you're confused hun, it's still a huge shock for you.

Take time out from work etc get your dr to sign you off and perhaps look at being referred to a counsellor to get your thoughts straight.

Make time for yourself too.

Sending you lots of xx

 

[LouiseB]

I think that it is amazing that you have have stuck to what you believe in. You aren't anyone's fool. It takes so much courage

How things turn out, it is upto you.

My only advice would be to continue to make him squirm for as long as possible, even if you think you might take him back in the end.

He has to realise what he has lost and that you will carry it through if he does anything like this again.

If you let him back just after a couple of days because he has a sob story and you are being pressured from family, it undermines what you deserve and should be able to expect from him.

Be his saviour, not his doormat.

 

[Vicxzy]

Aww hunni only you can decide, but certainly dont let money influence you. As a single parent you will be entitled to certain benefts anyway even though you are working. Plus he will have to contribute towards babys upbringing x HUGS x

 

[MrsHakaxjdx]

I hope everything works out the way you want it, concentrate on the lil people in your life x x x

 

[mumofmany]

I'm sorry to read this, i will agree with what others have said though and you need to be happy, whatever you decide. dont stay with him for money or you feel bad having 2 kids to 2 differen dads your not the 1st and definately wont be the last. last year when i was 6 months pregnant i went to pick my husband up from the pub and witnessed a girl kiss my husband and him push her away and she fell to the floor, I struggled for a long time trusting him again and was so upset i was heartbroken, he was mortified that he had let her get that close and he nearly lost us over it. I cried myself to sleep for weeks afterwards, and like you i have 2 kids to an ex and they adore him and i didnlt want to take him away from them as they dont see their biological father and he is their dad. there has never been another incident and he has always been very honest so he told me straight away anyway even though i witnessed it. It does hurt to think about it now, but i had to make the decision to either forgive him and try and get over it or end our marraige and then stick to that decision. sorry to hear it has happened to someone else and a kiss to me is intimate. I really do feel for you and hope you make your decision for whats right for you. there is help out there like someone else has said.

 

[Princess81]

I think I could forgive a drunken one night stand easier than all this communication and meeting up etc. I know cheating is cheating but he sounds like he was nearly forming some sort of relationship with this girl, and giving out his number? Dunno it sounds pre-meditated rather than spontaneous. Whatever you decide I hope you are happy xxxx

 

[lonelymummy]

Ok update. The girl contacted me again yesterday and told me much more then before. They hadnt slept together but not from lack of trying, just from him being unable to perform the deed. Hes never had this problem with me so i presume its the guilt but obviously its made it even worse.

I went BESERK!!! Anyway I told this girl what i thought about which I had refrained from doing before as i wanted info (she knew about me although she didnt know i was pregnant). She decided to say the worst thing to a pregnant woman and tell me he wouldnt want me anyway soon as I wouls be all saggy and full of stretch marks. Maybe this will be true but (this is really immature) I sent her a pic of me in a bikini just after I had my son. She didnt know I had a son either. Anyway I told her that i dont need to worry as this is how I look after pregnancy and would again look like this in a matter of months. i said a few other things too but I wont go into it.

Ive seen a pic of her and she has a resemblance of me (not sure how to take this) and she noticed it too but in reality she just happens to have dark bobbed hair and this is where the resemblance ends.

Sorry for waffling.

So I rang him and really let rip. He told me she was trying to twist the knife as he had now rejected her and she had gotten it into her head he was leaving me for her. I dunno what I believe to be honest but whtever the truth is its really bad and disgusting he would do this while im pregnant.

So the latest is i suggested couple counselling. Not necessarily to save our relationship as a couple but to at least understand each other and allow us to have a non bitter parental relationship if we cant be together. i suggested this as we have split once before so he was single and had the chance of a single life and he had no ties to me and he HATED it. After a short while he tried everything for me to try again. So really it seems to be the thrill of the secrecy etc that does it for him which I believe he needs to get to the bottom of.

Dont hold back. I need honesty. What do you all think?

 

[cosmicgirl]

I think you are well rid of him honey, honestly I do. He's a pathetic weak man. And as for her, how dare she say anything to you, he was your partner and you're pregnant! Let them have each other! They sound like they are made for each other. So sorry hun, I have been there, anyone who can cheat, especially while you are pregnant, does not deserve your time xxx

 

[mumofmany]

This girl is as much in the wrong as your partner as she knew about you, doesn;t matter wether she knew about the pregancy or not, and it doesn;t sound like she found out about you then admitted everything because she wouldn't turn nasty to you, i believe that she is being horrible to you beause he has rejected her, and i would take what she says with a pinch of salt, I would also take what he says with a pinch of salt too, i would definately agree to the couples counselling even if you dont get back together you can at least look your son in hte eye and say we tried everything, because to me you dont sound like you are ready to walk away so the counselling i think will help you with confidence aswell if you need that extra confidence to make it work, or extra confidence to be strong and say stay away for good just see the kids.