Just found out my long term partner has been cheating for last month. Need support

[lonelymummy]

Hi. Ill start by apologising for dampening anyones day.

Im 22 weeks pregnant. Been with partner 5 years and have a 7 year old from previous relationship.

Yesterday I found out my partner has been seeing a girl who goes to the uni he works at for 6 weeks. Its not the first time by the way but i gave him benefit of doubt before.

Anyway hes full of remorse blah blah blah. I will never forgive him but how am i gonna cope?

Im a nurse and we just moved into a fairly big rented house. He helps a lot with childcare currently and we are living comfortably on our wages.
On just my wage i dont will just scrape by but thats without any luxuries (ie nice presents for the kids, hols) and regarding childcare???? I work shifts, have no family as both parents passed when i was young and it was me and my partner against the world.

Ive lots of friends but they all work so cant help.

How am i gonna cope and what am i gonna do??

 

[jld123]

So sorry to hear this, I don't have much advice unfortunately.

Do you love this man? Are you willing to forgive him a second time around? If you are, i think you should atleast tell him you need time to think and ask him to leave the house for a few days so he can really feel remorse for what he has done. If you are willing to leave him there there is plenty of help out there for single mums, it may not be a life of luxury but you deserve better than somebody treating you as second best your whole life just to 'get by' so to speak.

I hope you work things out xx

 

[Princess81]

Oh Hun I am so sorry he's done this to you again
Why should you put up with being cheated on for the sake of money? Obviously you have to weigh it up but I couldnt let him back after a 2nd time. He's more than capable of doing it again.
Have you tried citizens advice about what support you might get as a single parent? Xx

 

[Kezzamunster]

I haven't got much advice apart from what the girls have said but just wanted to send you massive & we are all here for you

xxxx

 

[megsmeadow]

^^ What they said. Is your current lifestyle and support worth more than a trusting and faithful relationship? Sometimes it is, and ending it can feel harder than trying to keep the status quo. Like the girls said I'm sure financially you would get help and of course your partner would have some financial responsibility for your baby. I hope you make the right decision for you and your babies.

 

[XHopefulX]

I hope you make the right decision for you and your family but can you honestly say the money and lifestyle is worth having a cheating partner and having to constantly watch over your shoulder? Also, you know yourself this isn't the first time so that basically is the green light for him to carry on with this behaviour.

Wishing you loads of load on whatever you decide.
x

 

[p1nk11]

so sorry he's done this to you xx

 

[xshauna_bazx]

Only you can make this choice. If it was me i would leave...it is gonna be scary bringing up a newborn but why give him the satisfaction of staying with him and then he KNOWS he can do it and get away with it. This man doesn't deserve you, you will find someone who does and that person wouldn't dream of cheating. Don't put up with it hun. xxx

 

[lonelymummy]

Thanks everyone. I have already kicked him out and hes hounding me with promises of well, everything. Ive told him to stay away. xx

 

[xshauna_bazx]

Good on you for being brave We are all here if you need to talk xxx

 

[KellyHook]

So Sorry he has done this to you!

I know that if my OH had cheated on me, know matter what he would be gone!!! (im still trying to work my OH out as he has been a right D**k to me the past week)

Why are some men complete idiots!!!

xx

 

[Mamafy]

Firstly

Right when bubs comes along he still will have to contribute to the upkeep of your child. You may get help with childcare, depending on wages. You may get working tax credit.

Go to www.entitledto.com and see what you're entitled to, remember that will change once the baby comes along x

 

[hopefulmummy]

I'm so sorry for this. how awful.

however, if you re read your original post, you say clearly that you will never forgive him and all the reasons listed to stay with him are purely practical ones - childcare, the house, nice stuff for the kids. this is all important, of course, but your happiness is more important. you deserve more than a man that is going to cheat on your when you are 22 weeks pregnant.

Think of your kids. They deserve better as well.

xxx

 

[paiges_mum]

can only repeat whats said above dolly, only u know whats best 4 u,we're here 4 u

 

[TiffanyJaynexo]

I really don't know what to say because the only time I was ever cheated on was by a bunch of rats who I'd only been dating for a month or so. It does hurt though, I can't bare to think how much it's hurting you, but I have an idea because this happened to my mum and my dad. They're still together but my mum says if it happens again, she'd leave him right there and then. I don't blame her to be honest. I love both my parents but as strong as my mum is (and she really is a fighter) there's only so much a person can take. Good on you for being strong and remember to think carefully..
Don't stay with him for the sake of your children or your lifestyle though, think about you as well.

xxx

 

[Butterflykisses]

Hey so so sorry that this has happened to you. Can I just say "once a cheat, always a cheat" and I speak from experience. Only you can make your final decision about what to do but is your lifestyle more important than a happy, trusting relationship? My ex made promise after promise after the 1st time that he'd never do it again, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and took him back just so he could do it all over again. I bet your children would put your happiness before material things if they could understand what was going on.

I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide. Loads of hugs. xxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

So so sorry hun, I have been in your exact position, it's horrible. Be strong, focus on your lo and baby. Don't allow him to do this to you again. You will survive this, women are made of strong stuff, take care xxx

 

[emmaandamyleigh]

awww so sorry your going thru this but as everyone else says i wouldnt trust him coz hell do it again and again. also financial wise theres alot of help out there, and really i know kids know adays expect alot of stuff but you dont really need to buy nice presents the best present you can give to them is the love you have for them and show them that youll always be there no matter what and im sure you kids will understand that you dont have as much money as you did when other half was around then theyll not expect it i think what they dont get now they wont expect later it is nice givin kids presents but like i say the best is love i really dont have much money and dont get amy alot i didnt for her birthday as i know that if she doesnt get bought all the tym she wont winge wanting this or that and stuff but anyways i think i was about to derail there lol but glad youve done whats best for you and your kids they dont need that and neither do you i know its hard bringing up or thinking about raising a child alone but its all worth while and the rewards are amazing some of this maybe pointless that ive ust wrote

 

[lonelymummy]

I do love him and loved the life we had. Worst thing is my son has picked up on it and keeps crying and saying that he knows my partner is sorry and loves us and let him come home.

Ive not seen him since we found out. Im making myself scarce later when he comes for stuff. Ive had constant messages from him declaring his love for us all, asking to come home, begging, pleading, crying etc. I just keep saying he did this not me. Even his parents have been trying to get us to talk. Its been 2 bloody days!!! Why cant i just have my space.

Gonna have to ring my boss today for time to sort my head and to sort childcare cos my shifts for next few weeks were based around his shifts and his help. I dont really have anyone else to help me. Now im worried though cos i had 3 weeks off with nausea between 6 and 9 weeks but my boss is great and understanding. I just dont wanna have to do it.

Cant believe I may be alone with 2 kids by 2 different dads and im not even 30 till later in year !!!

 

[marleyandevie]

Aw Im sorry to hear this too but honestly your work will understand, they have to be more flexible for workin mums. There is loads of help out there, Im a single workin mum in respects of I dont live with my partner yet, both houses are too small but thats a differnent matter. I didnt it on my own for two years before I met him. It is hard but very rewardin. I hope eveythin goes well for you no matter what your decision xXx