Is it possible to get past cheating?

[Kaylee2802]

Hi I've never told anyone this, just spotted this section of forum..

My fiancée cheated on me, it was over a year ago but I only found out 6 months ago. I had been suffering with post natal depression but we didn't know thats wot it was, I had pushed him away and made him feel worthless, no its never an excuse n he takes full responsibility.. It's only because of this I've tried to put it behind me and move on.. Weve been doing really well until this last week (maybe my pregnancy hormones have played a part in it) but I am just so hurt by it all again, and he doesn't know why I have brought it back up and I just don't know what to do.. If I am not over it by now surely I will never be but I dot want to throw 8 years away over 1 mistake.. We were in such a bad place when it happened , didn't even sleep in the same room But I just don't feel special anymore .. How could he do this to me?

 

[jodied]

Aww hun I don't know what to suggest as I've not been in that position but didn't want to read and run. I guess you need to think about which is worse - living with it and trying to forgive and forget or living without him. I think it's very tough for anyone to really advise as only you truly know how you feel xxx

 

[Kaylee2802]

I can't imagine ever living with out him.. And the fact that he told me every single detail to make me happy knowing he could loose me for it and has accepted full reaponsobility ( which my bloke is not one to do) makes me want to stay.. And he's like a diff person ever since but I just don't know if I can get the trust back to get past it.. I want more than anything to forgive and forget just not sure of its possible.. Especially wo these bloody hormones lol x

 

[jodied]

Sounds to me like it's worth trying to get past it. You have to be able to let him move on and cannot keep bringing it up every time it's tough but obviously you are hurt and need reassurance too a tough balance but sounds like if you keep talking to one another you should get through the other side. Good luck xx

 

[tabbi]

Hun, i know how you feel my OH cheated on me 18 months ago i found out just under a year ago, we split argued all of it. but i finally managed to forgive him, i haven't forgot it and what he's done, i do tend to throw it at him during arguments. but it paid off staying with him he's a brilliant dad to my daughter and our son and to think i could of got rid of him and i wouldnt have him nor the kids. take everything into consideration hunni its only what you real is right to me giving him a second chance was...but its his only chance he doesnt get a second second chance x x x

 

[Kaylee2802]

Thanks ... Thankyou for sharing your story, Hes a brill dad to our son and with another on the way Ta probably not a good time to split especially seeing as I do beleve he's learnt his lesson but at the same time I haven't got the trust.. How did u get your trust back for him? X

 

[Kaylee2802]

Oh and did everyone know he'd cheated or was it just between u and him x

 

[tabbi]

just me and him at first it wasnt until i couldnt take it anymore i told his brother and my best friend and they helped me out with it.

as for trust its a slow going it takes time to rebuild small things and big things help like him helping out with the kids or spending the night in with you and passing up the chance of a boys night to be with youx x x

 

[Kaylee2802]

I think that's why I have come on ear it's hard to have it as a secret and sometimes you just need to talk about it, and because there is only me him and her who know its him who always gets it and I think it didn't really work cos he couldn't always see my point of view and that I wasn't having a go I was just talking about how I feel. We're in a really bad place right now, hea working away and he doesn't even know the news about the Pregnancy( I don't want to do it over the phone, especially seing as we have fallen out abit) and I really do know he's making an effort I just feel so Jelous, so worthless and so hurt that I find myself being angry even when I want to forget it... X

 

[tabbi]

i know how you feel hunni, i hate my OH ex that he cheated on me with, the thing is though she might be in our lives premently now as she had a baby boy excatly a year to the day before i did. both have the same birthday just a year ago.
i hate her and if it is that her son is my step son to be i so want to physically hurt her after all the crap she has put us through. she thinks she is better than us yet she lives with her folks and is a spoilt brat. and men don't understand where we are coming from not until it happens to them.
its best not to tell anyone who is gobby as it wud be all over facebook/twitter.
And i think it is best to wait til your OH comes back from work as you need to get him sit down and talk about where you both want to be in so many years, then if its the same say 'well we need to make this work', if he says anything after that say well you need to get ready to change nappies again lol.

if you need speak to someone about it hun i am here you will never forget it though am afarid to say. it will always be in the back of your head. It also depends on how strong you are mentally. fingers crossed things go to plan for you hun x x x

 

[Kaylee2802]

Thanks that means a lot, I'm sorry to hear that, must be so hard for u.. I really do want to et past it I just can't get past this trust thing, I'll get Mardy if his phone goes off and it's another girl and he doesn't know why I'm being Mardy ( hea got lots of female friends n I've never had a problem
Before, I don't want to have now I just think if e could do it once, well twice ( with the same person) without feeling guilty surely he didn't care that much x

 

[tabbi]

i know what you mean its the same here hun, but you need to try to remember its not the girls he is speaking to he cheated on you with it was another girl. i also know you can never 100% know someone so you wouldn't know if they were going to cheat again. but saying that i know it will hang over your head the what if's remember there were times when you could trust him with your life try and rebuild it hunni x x x

 

[Kaylee2802]

Thankyou so much! X

 

[tinks77]

Yes you can, been there, done that!
My oh cheated with his best Mayes girlfriend, I found out, we split up. Tried again after a couple of weeks. It was a extremely difficult year for both of us and we honestly didn't know if we would get through. Then about a year later it just seemed to settle down, I still did and do think about it but I don't get angry or upset just sad at what we could have lost. Over 2 years later and we are now married with a 8 month old baby and fast approaching our 11 year anniversary & first wedding anniversary

You can get past it but only you can decide wether it's together or separately x

 

[H16]

My ex cheated on me and after splitting up for a few weeks and having massive talks about all our issues we got back on track, we stayed together for few years after it happened and I learned to trust him again. We did eventually split up a while back but it was nothing to do with him cheating (it was because he didn't want to marry me or have kids with me. Was a tad peed off about that after 11 years together but there you go lol. ) It is definitely possiblle to get things back on track if it is what you both really want. As others have said - you will never forget what he did but it is possible to move past it and learn to trust him again.

 

[katie_lou]

You can get past it Hun , it's hard work and it won't be easy but if you both love each other and want to make it work you can. Xxxx

 

[Katie85]

I personally couldn't get over it, but everyone's different. I found out he'd cheated on me after we'd been together for 3 years, so i left him. Since splitting I've found out that he cheated on his gf before me and he has also cheated on his new gf (the one he cheated on me with). According to a mate she found out and has taken him back, but she's stronger than me. I just couldn't bear the thought of her being with him and i used to hate her with a passion. I came to realise that whilst it was ok to dislike her, i should hate him as he's the one that betrayed me and not her. I actually feel sorry for her being stuck with him, leopards and spots and all that.

Everything happens for a reason and now i have a new OH who truely loves me and in a way I'm glad it happened because i wouldn't have him if it didn't.

Good luck though, I'd say 1 more chance then show him the door!

 

[NaomiiLeiigh.]

I really feel for you hun & really hope you work things out.
I would advice to talk to him about how you feel & hope he understands
As it seems that you both really love each . Best of luck hun ...

 

[Lolly85x]

It's an awful situation. Its hard when there's children involved. But I don't think thats any reason to stay with someone.
I think the fact that he told you, shows he knows he made a mistake. And is sorry about it. But he has to show you how sorry he is, and win back your trust. And that takes time. It won't just dissapear overnight.
I also find that if I'm upset about something and I don't just have it out with my boyfriend, then I keep thinking about it, and going over and over it in my head... And then it just erupts into something that didn't need to go that far!
You need to talk to him, try and tell him how you feel... how annoyed you are. There's absoloutley no excuse for cheating, no way... But I really think you can over come it.
And don't ever blame yourself... ❤ xxx