In need of advice!

[Flowerew]

Hi, my name is Leanne and I'm new to this site. I'm having problems at home right now and really don't know what to do. I'm 28 weeks pregnant and having problems with my fiancé. We have been together for just over 6 years, we had been trying over 2 years for a baby and it was something we both really wanted. Recently he's become really moody. He has always been lazy and we have had our fallouts and arguements in the past but it has now gotten so much worse. He makes me feel like I'm nothing, he calls me names constantly and is always putting me down. He doesn't seem to cate how I am feeling and what I'm going through. He even kicked me in the back the other day for waking him up whilst he was in a mood with me. I really don't know how much more I can take but really don't know what to do, I feel so confused and depressed.

 

[Lynniepants]

Do not put up with violence and mental abuse off him. If he's willing to harm you and possibly your child by kicking you in the back when you're pregnant... just think what else he might be capable of. I know its not nice to hear, but you're the victim of domestic abuse.

0808 2000 247 domestic abuse helpline... get in touch with your local womans aid through them, they will be able to help.

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

I would say definitely seek some support and advice here - look after yourself and make other people that you trust aware of whats happening. He is putting you and your baby at risk.

 

[evie_smith]

i would get out of there if my husband ever hurt me i would be out of there ~ i know your pregnant but it will be fine! i have two kids and i wouldnt think twice about leaving him if i felt depressed and he kicked me - maybe you should seek advice. dont be scared to leave you can seek refuge even if you have to stop in a hostal for a bit you will be safe then you can look for housing or stay witha friend. I was in a domestic abusive relationship for a long time and it starts as one thing then rolls out of controll. hope your ok

 

[FebMum2Be]

I would definitly give the line a ring hun, it wouldn't do any harm It must be so hard for you atm, we are always here too if you need to let it all out You shouldn't have to deal with that alone

 

[Flowerew]

Thank you for your advice. I went to my parents yesterday afternoon after being kicked and called every name under the sun. They said I am welcome there as long as I want. Since leaving the house I have heard nothing at all from my partner, not even a text or a phonecall, that also tells me alot. This is the first time he's physically don't something, normally it's all verbal abuse. I constantly get told how stupid and thick I am, how I'm lazy and never do anything even though all he does most days is sit in the middle of the livingroom playing his xbox! I won't mention any other names he calls me as they really are not nice!

 

[FebMum2Be]

Well done Telling your parents is the biggest step, and it's great that they are there to give you the support you need.. You are wise to leave after the first time, you and the baby are number 1 priority and you deserve to be loved and cared for not abused x

 

[Flowerew]

I just wish I didn't feel like I do. He makes me feel like I'm at fault all the time. That this happens because of me.

 

[FebMum2Be]

It's mind games hun, someone who is able to kick his pregnant partner isn't something you should feel at fault for He has problems, and maybe now that you have done the right thing by walking away.. He might just realise what he has actually done to you.. Nobody deserves to be put down like that

 

[Lovisa]

Hi hun,
I agree with what everyone else has said. You and your baby don't deserve it.
Its best to leave now then stay where you are, wait for it to get worse and then leave. Who knows what more damage he can do mentally and physically and more can probably be done for you now then quite later on.
I'm not saying nothing can/will be done later but it will just be harder once the baby is here.

I wish you all the best and I'm sorry to hear what you are going through

 

[Flowerew]

I would be very surprised if he took any of it as his fault. I would just love to know what goes through his mind. I know I am better off away from it. Another thing he's always done is try to control me by telling me what to do, what I can eat, what to wear and it's gotten to the stage that I feel I have to ask his permission to do anything. Sorry to go on I just felt I really needed to talk to someone about it. My parents will always take my side but it really does help to talk to someone who's not involved, if you know what I mean x

 

[FebMum2Be]

Oh hun He sounds like a right control freak You don't deserve that at all.. I completly understand what you mean about talking about it to someone who isn't involved.. You have 110% done the right thing and you are not to blame for his behavior.. He is a grown man who needs to step back and rethink everything he has done.. You are not going on, let it all out Thats what we are all here for, if there is anything on your mind just let us know, and if theres something you would like to talk about without guests being able to see, the girlie room is only for us members to see and read.. xx

 

[Tonks]

I was in an abusive relationship once, and I truly believed it was all my fault. That if I was only a better GF then he wouldn't shout, or hit me. That it was my fault for doing something that made him lose his temper.

It's a classic sign of an abused person to believe they are the ones at fault, and not see the abuse.

Abuse normally starts off verbal, then turns to physical. It's a very slippery slope and most people will never change. Personally I don't believe abusers ever change, but that's my own opinion. I know some people think they do.

Telling you what you can wear, when you can go out, who you can see, etc is all part of it. My ex did the same. I never saw my family or friends. He cut me off from all of them so I was more alone, and felt like I needed him more.

It's great that you've gone to your parents. Getting out is the hardest step to take, and you've done it.

You deserve to have a man in your life who loves you, unconditionally and will take care of you. There IS a man out there who will love you like this. You may not believe it now, but you will find him and wonder why you were ever in this relationship.

 

[Flowerew]

I have always been strongish when it comes to seeing people. I was asking his permission though if I could go out. It was like he allowed me to as long as I was back for meal times. When I went to my parents he will say I am going "arse licking". The reason he went into a mood with me this time was because today I was looking after my little sister as my mum has gone for a brain scan this morning. She has a blood clot on her brain which burst last June and has to have regular checks at the hospital to check the coiling is doing it's job. Anyway, he had no problems with me going today as long as I was back by tea time. Then my mum asked if I would go there Saturday night and stay over so they could leave early and weren't rushing around as my dad would have had to pick me up as I don't drive. My partner said no I wasn't staying there and he was putting his foot down and not giving in! Then just started to ignore me completely and when he did talk to me he called me a twat! That was Friday night and the Saturday morning he was still being the same. I tried to get him to talk to me and that's when he kicked me in the back as he was in bed and I was sat on the bed with my back to him. I just didn't want to be around him after that and went to my parents.

 

[Piglet10]

hey mrs, sorry to hear of your situation.

If i was you id get out, he has no reason to act this way so what is he capable of if the going really gets tough. sorry if it sounds harsh but you may feel its all your worth i hope you dont but your bound to know your child deserves better. it is your responsibility to bring your child into a safe and happy environment so get out... you have 12 weeks before bubs comes to get your head around it and you will b fine esp as you have your family!!!

sorry if i seem harsh but with no texts or phonecalls he doesnot give one crap about you or baby so i would get out now before your baby is affected. xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Flowerew]

Thank you for your advice and support. Well it was me that had to contact him this afternoon by text as he wouldn't answer the phone. He's convinced that all I do is badmouth him to my parents which I don't, he said basically I get what I deserve as it's ok for me to hit him but not the other way around! The only reason I hit out at him was one night recently whilst I was lay in bed he started calling me a liar for some reason so I ignored him and he began constantly poking me in the back. I asked him to stop time and time again, he ignored me, I got upset and he carried on so I hit out! I don't think that warrants him hitting out at me for waking him up!

 

[Rowesb]

Big hun, it sounds an awful situation, one that u and ur LO are best of out, as the others say, all his actions and how u feel scream domestic violence. It may be worth telling ur MW about the situation and she will be able to help support u further