I want out.

[xJodieLoux]

I have really had enough of my relationship now. It's not the hormones either. My OH is an aggressive, violent, lying, immature dick head.

I'm in a good position to end things. I'm living with my parents and I can stay with them for aslong as I like and I have abit of money saved up.

So you'd think it would be easy, but it isn't.

Whenever I try to end it he constantly calls and texts me, and gets really upset then I feel sorry for him, he even threatens to kill himself.

I really need to get out of this now though.

 

[zebrastripes]

I think you know yourself what you have to do. He's a big boy: he can take responsibility for his own actions,including threatening suicide he sounds extremely immature....

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Dont give into his emotional blackmail

Both my ex, and my OH's ex done this aswell....and its nothing more than a guilt trip and a desperate attempt to keep and control you at any cost.

If he was serious about killing himself, he wouldnt be threatening it....he would be doing it and telling no-one. The fact that he is speaking about it alone is enough to safely assume he is bluffing.

Stay strong and dont let him grind you down

 

[xJodieLoux]

He is immature. I have this idea of what I want from a relationship, and he is none of those at all, infact the opposite.

 

[xJodieLoux]

Yeah I suppose if he was going to kill himself he'd of done it by now from the amount of times he's threatend it in the past.

His immaturity and selfish attitude reminds me alot of my dad, especially when I was younger. My parents are still together now but it has been a rough ride. They didn't marry until I was 13 and I remember crying and asking my mum not to, I wanted them split up! I don't want my baby to go through the same thing. My dad has finally grown up, but he still has his moments, and he is still quite selfish, but I'm glad my parents are still together now.

 

[HideiLu]

You sound pretty certain in your choice hun and as you say you are in a good position to do it.

Hope all works out well for you and your little one

 

[Becks2008]

Can i ask one thing...What keeps you around and with him?x

 

[mum2A&L]

 

[NickyB]

OMG, I've given into the emotional blackmail thing, and you're right. If he really meant it, he'd have done it already, not be telling you about it.

 

[lfc_sarah]

If you dont want to be with him... dont..

I ended things with my ex because i just couldnt be bothered anymore with his controlling ways.
He hated when i went out, moaned ect..

He phoned and text me everyday after i finished with him,
turned up at my house and turned into a complete freek
My mates were shocked how weird he went...

I didnt give in though... and eventually the phone calls/texts stopped

and i was happier without him

Hope youll have the strength xx

 

[Strangeness]

Awww hun, I didn't realise you were going through this! If you're not happy then you need to get out for you and the baby especially if he's violent!

You know where I am if you need to chat!

 

[MissGobby]

Hunny you need to do what is best for you and your baby!!!

dont let him emotionally blackmail you darlin - get out!!!!

 

[Penstraze]

The emotional blackmail is a last ditch attempt to keep you and everytime it works he will know to use it again in the future, by the sounds of it you know what you want and its not him the only think keeping you together is your pity for him and lack of strength to make that final break but you do have the strength you just don't think you do but focusing on your baby and what kind of environment he/she needs around them and not being around violence and threats will help you find the strength to do what you have to!

My mum threatened to commit suicide to try and keep my Dad she even took a suposed overdose but every time she told someone so she could go to the hospital and be sorted out, although everytime she hadn't taken enough to cause problems just said she had, she didn't want to die she just wanted the attention and effect on my Dad it caused, if he really wanted to kill himself he wouldn't go on about it he'd do it and if god forbid he were to go ahead with it and I really don't think he would, that is not your fault you can not live your life unhappy incase someone else does something stupid it is his life what he does with it is his choice, if he was nicer to you then this might not be happening life is what we make of it and he is the only person responsible for his life choices!

Good luck, I hope you manage to make the break really soon, the longer you drag it out the harder it will be, think of the life you want for you and your baby and do what you have to to achieve it!!

 

[Jimmer]

He sounds, as others have mentioned, just desperately immature.

But another word you used to describe him worries me more - violent.

Really glad you have decided you need to get out, because this is not acceptable. Ever.

Really hope it works out for you - you are so doing the right thing.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

The emotional blackmail is a last ditch attempt to keep you and everytime it works he will know to use it again in the future, by the sounds of it you know what you want and its not him the only think keeping you together is your pity for him and lack of strength to make that final break but you do have the strength you just don't think you do but focusing on your baby and what kind of environment he/she needs around them and not being around violence and threats will help you find the strength to do what you have to!

My mum threatened to commit suicide to try and keep my Dad she even took a suposed overdose but every time she told someone so she could go to the hospital and be sorted out, although everytime she hadn't taken enough to cause problems just said she had, she didn't want to die she just wanted the attention and effect on my Dad it caused, if he really wanted to kill himself he wouldn't go on about it he'd do it and if god forbid he were to go ahead with it and I really don't think he would, that is not your fault you can not live your life unhappy incase someone else does something stupid it is his life what he does with it is his choice, if he was nicer to you then this might not be happening life is what we make of it and he is the only person responsible for his life choices!

Good luck, I hope you manage to make the break really soon, the longer you drag it out the harder it will be, think of the life you want for you and your baby and do what you have to to achieve it!!

Couldnt agree more about it being his choice.....when I met my OH he was still caught in this spiral with his ex....he was even considering getting back with her as he thought he was responsible for her life as she threatened suicide so often!! He soon realised with my help that it was just threats and that if she ever did commit suicide, it would of been her own fault, her own choice, and nothing to do with him. She never did though....surprise surprise!

 

[xJodieLoux]

Thanks girls. Youre all right.

Last night, before I made this post, I'd already told him it was over. And I've stayed strong all day. Since he's finished work though it's just one text after another, begging me to stay with him, it's quite pathetic really. My mum knows all about what he's like and she thinks it's best that I end things with him, shes really supportive so I'm lucky, and today and tomorrow are her days off work this week so she will take my mind off of him.

I keep thinking about what it will be like when I have the baby though, I don't know how it all works when the parents arent together, will the baby see him once a week or something, will she stay overnight? I'd want her with me. I feel so bad at the thought of him hardly seeing her. It upsets me so much when I think of al the plans we had, things we talked about, we wanted this baby so much, we wanted to raise her together. It will be like she has got a double life, one with me any my family, one with him and his family.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

aw hun

I understand your fears, facing life as a single mother can be very daunting especially when you had plans together. But please dont worry....it sounds like you have a wonderful mother and I bet she will relish in her new role as grandmother. You will cope, you will be happy, your babies smile and unconditional love will make sure of that I promise.

As for when he sees the baby...well thats completely up to how you feel. It would be unfair to not let him see the baby but you already seem to know that so thats the best position you can be in. Perhaps invite him round to meet the baby when she's born and arrange something with him either once week, once a fortnight, or even once a month depending entirely on what you are comfortable with. Staying with him overnight should only happen when you are 100% confident that he can take that responsibility on and not before.

Good on you for staying strong babe, you'll be fine

 

[MissGobby]

Thanks girls. Youre all right.

Last night, before I made this post, I'd already told him it was over. And I've stayed strong all day. Since he's finished work though it's just one text after another, begging me to stay with him, it's quite pathetic really. My mum knows all about what he's like and she thinks it's best that I end things with him, shes really supportive so I'm lucky, and today and tomorrow are her days off work this week so she will take my mind off of him.

I keep thinking about what it will be like when I have the baby though, I don't know how it all works when the parents arent together, will the baby see him once a week or something, will she stay overnight? I'd want her with me. I feel so bad at the thought of him hardly seeing her. It upsets me so much when I think of al the plans we had, things we talked about, we wanted this baby so much, we wanted to raise her together. It will be like she has got a double life, one with me any my family, one with him and his family.

first of all well done hunny for getting out!!!!

with regards to him having contact, if there are any issues in your mind you are scared, dont want him to have her without superivison etc etc go to a solicitors hunny, i work in one and have seen loads of people in your situation, just wanted to give you these hunny

 

[MissGobby]

Thanks girls. Youre all right.

Last night, before I made this post, I'd already told him it was over. And I've stayed strong all day. Since he's finished work though it's just one text after another, begging me to stay with him, it's quite pathetic really. My mum knows all about what he's like and she thinks it's best that I end things with him, shes really supportive so I'm lucky, and today and tomorrow are her days off work this week so she will take my mind off of him.

I keep thinking about what it will be like when I have the baby though, I don't know how it all works when the parents arent together, will the baby see him once a week or something, will she stay overnight? I'd want her with me. I feel so bad at the thought of him hardly seeing her. It upsets me so much when I think of al the plans we had, things we talked about, we wanted this baby so much, we wanted to raise her together. It will be like she has got a double life, one with me any my family, one with him and his family.

first of all well done hunny for getting out!!!!

with regards to him having contact, if there are any issues in your mind you are scared, dont want him to have her without superivison etc etc go to a solicitors hunny, i work in one and have seen loads of people in your situation, just wanted to give you these hunny

 

[abcd1234]

I know it's hard to stay strong, i've lost count of the amount of times i've told "baby daddy" i want nothing to do with him, for very similar reasons to you, hes extremely immature.
He'd do something wrong i'd decide we were over, he'd appologise tell me the world was better off without him, id feel bad as he says hes thought about suicide before as well, and take him back
but it's a never ending spiral, he does it all again and it's taken me 5 months to realise me and baby dont need him
Each situatin is individual, but your post seemed liek you were very sure and i hope you can stick by it. I was scared at first of being alone with baby and considering how and when he would see baby, but i'm going to play it by ear, at the moment though he wont be seeing her.
good luck