I think I may just scream....

[babyem]

So, quite a long story, but am so pissed off it's unreal!

Last week me and OH ended up packing our bags and leaving my dads house, after a massive argument involving the whole family. Basically my brother is a lazy shit, who doesn't have to pay a penny towards board, bills, food etc whereas me and OH have to pay £50 a week in bus fares aswell as board and all the rest of it. Anyway, he kicked off, my mum came down it all got completely out of control and my brother and dad smashed the house up- they both ended up with popped bleeding knuckles because they battered anything they found. My brother punched the table which knocked a brew off and went all over my laptop, but apparantly that was my fault. I was being blamed for everything- the fact my dad has no job, how my brother treats me like a piece of shit, how I ruined my life at school and that if my dad has a mental breakdown, its all my fault. OH decided enough was enough, I was hysterical, was worried about LO, I had to sort my placement out as I had already missed a week, and have no money as my bursary hasn't come through yet (My brother aving money is more important than me needing money, I had to wait until his was sorted to get mine).

My dad stormed out, turned his phone off and disappeared for ages, brother went to work and my mum went home, so me and OH grabbed what we could and went to his mums. We've been staying here for nearly a week, and that nearly didn't happen as MIL said she didnt think she could let us stay (her own son) but had given her bf a key and wanted him to move in- wtf? OH told her that if she picks a guy she's been going out with for less than 2 months over him, she will have nothing to do with us and LO. She let us stay and set ground rules which is fine.

Last night she went out round town with my 2 SILs, who both didn't want to go, because my MIL gets so drunk she wont come home, she is basically an embarrassment when pissed. They went anyway so she wasnt alone. OH rang SIL to ask for a pizza, and his mum said we'll be home some, having 1 more drink, which was fine. Then at 3.30am, youngest SIL turns up home, without her older sister who was meant to be staying the night here.

We asked whats up, as its not like her to just storm off and go home. SIL tells us that she went home, because my MIL had dissappeared to the toilet with a family friend who is my age, came back and said 'I've just sniffed something in the toilets', which was coke or god knows what. So SILs left her, pissed off at what she'd done. She was out with this lass, and a lad my OH is friends with and is meant to be going to work with in the next few weeks in London. Mates of OH started to text him, saying they'd seen his mum in town, and she looked a mess.

She came home late, shouting and screaming through the letter box, tinging the door bell when she had a key. I woke up OH, as I didn't want to deal with her and be at risk. She came in, telling him she'd had drugs, like she was proud of it or something?! She didn't have a clue what was going on. When she eventually went up to bed, she went to the toilet, and was shouting that she was hingry, she wanted a fag, if anyone was there blah blah blah... She was talking to her self, having a conversation with nobody, then started shouting down the stairs 'I fucking hate you lot'- to her own kids..

Then SIL rang this morning, asking how her mum was, which woke me up. I tried to get back to sleep but couldnt. Then this morning MIL can't remember anything, isn't even bothered and when she did apologise, she didn't even seem to care. She couldn't understand why people were scared and worried about her!

I worry, as I know I'm no angel, and I have taken drugs before- but I was a kid, 15 years old so years ago, and have never had them since, but she's 41 has 4 kids to think about and did it because she wanted to try it?! I don't feel comfortable letting someone who has a job with major responsibility (and if anyone found out about last night she would lose her job and everything) who thinks its ok to go out, get steaming and do drugs look after my baby when its here. Even though she has let us stay here, we can tell she doesnt want us here, and she is selfish and puts herself before her kids. She even tried to blame the fact she had drugs on her daughters, saying that they left her alone.

Needless to say that the girl who gave her them is getting a mouthful, not just off OH but the lad they were out with. She cant seem to understand how someone who takes drugs near enough every day is not a good person to be around.

Sorry, I know its just a massive rant, and pretty pointless but I'm so annoyed its unreal!! Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

 

[Jayjay027]

Omg it sounds like ur living in a nightmare!! I really feel for u and ur OH it must be so stressful for u both!

Can u apply for council housing? At least ull be on a list with SOME hope of getting out, or maybe look at shared housing? I'm sure u could rent a room in a house for £50 a week, which is what u were paying ur dad anyway.

Neither of those environments sound good for you or your LO. I'm so sorry to hear ur going through this and hope u get something sorted soon xx

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[Tara1985]

Ummmm NO you are not being unreasonable!!! I can't really comment on you MIL because that's her life and her house however I don't agree with her behaviour. Regarding YOUR family - I would distance myself. You need to think about your little family right now so stop contact with them if that will help stress levels. It sounds like you are in an awful situation hon, once you are settled in your placement I would take time out to sit at te local housing offic until they temporarily housed me. My best friend is a housing officer, if you need to ask advice about housing just PM me. Hope you're ok xxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Woah...your poor thing. Try for a council house? I haven idea how the process works but you don't need thus stress and need a place that's a nice happy home with your own personal space x

 

[cosmicgirl]

How awful
I agree, try council housing hun xx

 

[Maria1977]

OMG what a nightmare hun. Agree with the others, you need to figure a way so you and OH can get into your own place xxx

 

[charlene09]

No you don't sound unreasonable hun I completley understand where you are coming from.

My mum has drug problems and so does my dad (my dad is formerly in prison and is always in and out anyway).

I was put in my nannas care at the age of 6 because of my mums problems, but when I was 9 my grandad passed away he had cancer, non hodgkins disease and something else but can't remember what, he didn't die with any of these he's body was full of water and eventually the water drown he's heart.

When I was 10 I got taken into foster care and was there till I were 14 as my nanna fought for me and managed to get me back, my mum went on to have 3 more children(which are now all adopted, so I don't see them anymore), Social services made my mum get sterilised as it wasn't fair keep bringing young innocent children into the world and not looking after them.

I have the same problems with my mum now, I am 18 have a 14 month old son and pregnant with my 2nd.. because I want to share all the love I have with my children and OH... My mum still uses drugs and has gained another problem alcohol, one of my younger sisters have FAS. She asks me for money all the time, I have to feed her most of the time.

It's too much pressure to take, the reason I have told you all this is because I know exactly how you feel

 

[Loula]

i feel for you i really do , hope it all works out, im with JayJay can you not try and find somewhere else, beleieve me i know its not easy but might be worth looking at xxx

 

[EssJayPea]

Holy crap, hun. How have you kept it together this past while?! You poor things. The girls are right. I'd get my own space then give the families a wide berth till they come to their senses. Big hugs xxx

 

[FerretloverUK]

get in touch with your Doctor/Midwife/Social Services & Council ASAP please hun, you desperately need help & they WILL help you!

you dont need all the stress at the moment xxxx (((hugs)))

 

[Em91]

As above really, you're not being unreasonable! far from it. It all sounds very stressful and must be making things really tough living somewhere so unpredictable.

Speak to your midwife if you can they might be able to help you out, also if council are no good then speak to the citizens advice bereau we were in a similar situation a couple of years ago and they sorted out accomidation until the council did something, although in the end we managed to find a house to rent privately.

You really don't need the stress, for you or your LO!

Hope things get sorted soon
x

 

[babyem]

Thanks for all the comments and support... I've only really been on today this week, been working long days so gone straight to sleep as soon as I've got home!.....

So, I rang the council and am waiting on a phonecall, got a letter through today but not looked at it yet..
I'm not speaking much to my family at all as whenever I do, they just bang on about all the negatives - I'm 21, not 13 for christs sake!!

As for the in laws.... Both SILs are so supportive, and I have no problem with them... However I do have a major problem with my MIL and her bf..

He comes round and all they do all night is drink, like last night, he drank over a bottle and a half of red wine, and a load of cans, and she drinks because he does and went to bed at half 2 pissed. I've been polite and bit my tongue when he pisses me off, but he was coming out with utter shit last night. He told my MIL, in front of her kids, that when he goes to see his mates down south, its great because he can act like hes single, drink and all the rest of it... She asked about the being single bit and if he would have a problem if she acted like that and he said yeah course I would. But if you want to, just tell me when you've been with someone?!!??! He wants to move in here and sell his 6 bed house which he never stays at anyway (and she was going to turn us away because she wants him to move in, when he has a perfectly good house?!), has proposed after a month and wants to elope to gretna green without family, and is desperate for her to have a baby... Nobody agrees with any of this, its stupid.

Then last night, he was saying how she doesn't get that drunk and isn't that bad, to which I said that he doesn't know her well at all. He said there wasn't a problem with it, and couldn't understand why her family would be concerned about her safety, as well as health as she is on medication which you can't drink with. THEN, he was going on about how hard its going to be for me and OH when we have the LO, and how dissapointed and sad I will be when I cant go out because I have a baby to look after- I knew what I was doing when I chose to have a baby!!! He was going on, and basically was saying how our lives are over, we won't be able to have a life and will be sad. I was fuming, he was like I know your an intelligent woman, but you wont know what I mean until you have the baby- I just spat back at him that I've had all this off my own mother, I dont need to hear it off him.

He walks in this house like he owns it, sits and drinks whenever he's here and then has the cheek to tell me how my life is going to be- he told me I Was wrong when I said I would rather have my baby than go out again for the rest of my life, I don't even enjoy drinking, even before I was pregnant!! I'm not allowed to comment on how much he drinks apparantly because I dont drink- I'm pregnant what do they expect?? GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I could punch him, he's such a dick!!!

And when he starts going on, my MIL goes along with him! Its nice to know thats how they felt when they had their kids!! I feel sorry for her kids!!

So, I'm stuck here til I can find somewhere else, and theres only so long I can keep shut! I cant believe someone would think I would rather get pissed than look after my baby!!!

I cant wait to get out of here, this guy is a fucking idiot and tbh I think he's after money or something- why would anybody want all this so fast?? I will not let some pathetic loser tell me how I will feel about my child!!!

I hope I dont sound pathetic, but its driving me mad!!! I dont know how I've kept it together so long!!! xxxx

 

[Jayjay027]

I don't know how you've bitten ur tongue for so long either, I wouldn't have. But I have such a short fuse anyway.

I really hope the council get u sorted sooner rather than later xx

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[Tara1985]

I would be flipping my lid but for obvious reasons wouldn't say anything unless someone had directly offended me because it would just cause more aggro hon. This is the problem with relying on family - unfortunately not all of them are reliable. I just hope for your sake the housing will put you in temporary housing ASAP. I would suggest you say to them that you are sofa surfing at a friends due to relationship breakdown with family, you will then be a priority. Hope it works its self out really soon for you hon cos you don't need this at all!! xx

 

[Loula]

theres no way i could have bit my lip, i think yo ujust need to try your hardest and get out of there asap xxx

 

[babyem]

Well, I have got an appointment and form through from the council, so hopefully will be out of this place soon..

This morning I went upstairs to the toilet, and overheard my MIL bitching about me to OH. She was saying how I don't do anything i.e. cleaning, coursework etc - which I bloody well do, but never get any thanks for it! Apparantly I'm rude and make MIL bf feel unwelcome - like he doesn't make me feel that way?! But apparantly thats not a problem, as he had had a drink when he said how I'd regret having a baby which is no excuse in my opinion.

Last night SIL was shouting her mum for ages as she needed her details for something her mum wanted her to order, but she ignored her. So she shouted OH instead, when MIL decides to take notice and say 'Robbie, your sisters shouting you' to which I replied 'no, she's not, she was shouting you but you didn't answer her'. Apparantly I was rude saying this, and 'somebody' else thought so too- she tried to say OH had said he though I was rude, so she got a mouthful off OH for that and it wasn't my SIL so must have been her bf although she wouldn't admit it.. Who the hell is he to bitch about me behind my back??? Apparantly he thinks I don't like him- I wonder why???

Oh, and its ok to say that you enjoy being single and that your gf can go off and sleep with other people if you say it when you're drunk... As well as insulting someone you barely know.

So, I reckon I'm just being treated as a scape goat, as my SIL can be very rude, yet shes not been told that. I had to sit in my MIL bedroom and listen to her tell me how rude I was, and how everything was my fault... It didn't matter that he had offended and upset me but I have to sit there and listen to someone have a go at me when he is rude to me? Hes 47 for christ sake, and he gets upset when a 21 year old doesn't talk to him? I haven't got anything nice to say, so would rather not say anything.

Grrrrr!! I could happily drop kick him in the face!!! Arsehole! My other SIL though has been great, and stuck up for me when my MIL asked her if she thought I was being rude and told her to stop overreacting!! OH has said if anything more is said to me, we'll go stay with her. We can't stay with her atm as she has a baby and other things to deal with, but has been a massive help!

So, just ranting again really.....

 

[Jayjay027]

Omg u poor thing! Ur a better person than me for biting ur tongue, I'd be in the middle of world war 3 if I was living there.

I really hope that u get out of there ASAP!! Xx

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