I hate him!!!!!

[laura dec 1988]

Hey everyone,

IV had a really stressful few days and just wanted a bit of advice with reagrds to my ex (bubbas daddy)

Iv posted on here before about "us" Basically cut a long story short, we had been together for 2 years, he's in the army and our relationship was good. I stood by him when he served his 6 months in Iraq, we had a house, a puppy and were very happy. Then i told him i was pregnant his response "get rid of it or get rid of me" Anway after days or agrueing he left.....i cudnt have an abortion. We broke up 1st week in nov, he left me in our house that had 3 days left on the tennancy, pregnant and with the dog. I had to find £1200 for rent and bond on new place and he called to the house to pick some stuff up and watched me moving house on my own with 2 friends knowing full well i was ill at the time and pregnant.

Basically since then stuff has been very very frosty between us. After my 12 weeks scan, he wanted to make anouther go and wanted to be a dad, then changed his mind again. I dint speak to him then till my 20 week scan in which he was a complete D**K with me. He rang me 2 days later to tell me his company had been posted to Afghan and he leaves in a few weeks, even after all he's done to me i was upset. I said to him send me your address ill send you our daughters first pictures and maybe a babygrow as keep sakes ect ect. Then asked him date he goes and how long he goes for.....his response by txt word for word....

"i dont want f**k all from you, you have ruined my life my keeping this baby, its not your place to know whats going on in my life, i have met someone new and now i have to bring it up that im havin a kid with someone im not with...Thanks Lor. Im going on tour to forget about you, im not a dad now and i wont be when i get back"

i was soooooooooo mad. Im more annoyed that everything i stood by him threw and he cant even be a father to his daughter but maybe my princess will be better of without him.

So Last night he goes round to MY best mates house demandin my tel num (he must have deleted it like i have his) she wunt give him it coz she knows how mad i get.

For Evie's (the name im giving my little girl ) sake do i try with him and ask for his address in Afghan to send him some piks....or deal with his decision.

sorry for the SA my head is all over girls...he goes thurs!!

xxx

 

[titch]

"i dont want f**k all from you, you have ruined my life (you BOTH made this baby) my keeping this baby (getting rid of hte baby doesnt stop the fact that the child once existed), its not your place to know whats going on in my life (then why ring to say youre going to afghanistan?), i have met someone new and now i have to bring it up that im havin a kid with someone im not with (yes you do, maybe you shouldnt have left the woman you're having a kid with, its your own problem)...Thanks Lor (youre bloody welcome you chicken shit coward). Im going on tour to forget about you, im not a dad now and i wont be when i get back (um yes you will be, you'll just be one of those dick head dads who's too scared to actually be a dad. You had the balls to make the baby, find them again)"

Okay thats all I have to say about that.


What an actual dick head. He's a self centred, emotionally ******ed coward. I think you're such a strong woman for offering to keep him involved. I would have lost my temper a long time ago. Id seriously be sending some harsh texts back but I actually dont think it would help and you'd be a better person than me for not doing it!

you're going to be just fine hun, he's obviously really scared of it all but theres no excuse for talking to you like that. He needs to grow up. Id tell his senior officer that he will become a father and has left you cos he cant stand up to his duties, they'd give him such massive shit about being a dick head his life would be unbearable.

xxx

 

[Piglet10]

omg i looovee tinys response!! and you will be just fine without him... unless he does 180 degree turn 'evie' will be better off without him!!! youll have plenty of love for her!! xxxxxxx

 

[Mamafy]

Oh hun I think tiny has summed it right up

 

[Terrie]

thats so shocking babe and tiny took the words right out of my mouth

 

[rakrak]

tiny should be an agony aunt - her words are just perfect!!!
sorry to hear he's treated you and 'evie' so terrible but at the end of the day it will be his loss - he's gonna have to be part of her life anyway, he'll have to provide financial support - just make sure he does!
we're all here to help you as much as we can (not the same I know but at least you can get everything off your chest), good luck hun xx

 

[Princess81]

What an arsehole u need to kick him from here to kingdom come. Oh and if u tell the Csa he's in the army they'll go take his pay directly from the military for your allowance and he won't have any choice in the matter. What a cockrash. Far better off without him, if he does want to come back make him beg for ages. Good luck to u but u will be just fine without him. Prick x

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

What a knob. You are definitely going to do great without him around, he is the one losing out not you. Big for you

 

[Rosie's Mummy]

One more word - CSA

 

[ema-lou24]

rosies mummy is exactly right CSA...he might not want to be a father but he has to pay for her BY LAW!

people like him do my tits in! heres me and my OH desperate to have a baby but cant due to OH's low count and there him that can get women pregnant and fuk off when he feels like it??

Leave him hun. Let him go to afgan, dont even give him a 2nd thought....he doesnt deserve a child and he doesnt deserve u xx

 

[Tonks]

Even in my TA unit our CO would be having serious words with someone who is shirking their responsibilities, especially if he tries to avoid CSA.

Sorry he is being such a cock

 

[laura dec 1988]

Ladies thank you all so much for your answers and advice Im glad you all agree, i was thinking i was been harsh with him going to Afghan, but your all right what hes done to me and the baby is so wrong on so many levels. I deleted his number after my scan, so unfortunatly i cant send him any nasty messages lol, but then he'll think im bothered. I think it gets to him that im managing on my own, i have a good job, nice house and a strong support system of friends and family round me.

I wud go to the csa, but does that not mean he will be given visiting rights?? Cause just to spite me he will say, well if im paying for her, i wanna see her ect ect!!! I just want my baby to be happy and have a stable strong up bringing, not a father thats in and out of her life.

xx

 

[ToffeePop]

It's always a tricky one, this, so I've been refraining from replying until I could put a decent answer together.

I believe (I know I'll be corrected if I'm wrong so not worried about that) that if he's paying CSA, he has a right to see your child.

I know you don't like him and with good reason, by the sounds of it, and he possibly won't want anything to do with your child by what he has said. However, he HAS to man-up and pay for his child. I'm sorry, but I don't believe that benefits and government funded money should be the only source of supporting a child (obviously I'm just ignoring your income etc.) when there is a perfectly respectable source available from the father of the baby. It takes 2 to tango - end of story. Big enough to make a baby - big enough to support the child.

I know you don't want someone who is "in and out" of your child's life, but at the end of the day, he IS the child's father. Of course it's totally up to him if he wants to make an effort to see his daughter and regardless of how you feel about each other, at some point it will be up to her whether or not she wants a relationship with him.

I'm not trying to say "have this man in contact with your daughter" but I wouldn't rule out the possibility of it happening - whether he pays maintenance or not. He does sound like a complete tool, though I wouldn't let him shirk his responsibilities and besides, the Army (as Tonks has said about the TA) are more than used to dealing with toerags like this...if you need any contact info ref this, PM me and let me know. Have lots of resources at hand that could help

 

[laura dec 1988]

Its not that i wudnt let him see her, even after all he's done, yeah he is still her daddy, but the person that he is, he does anything to hurt me!!! My father was constantly in and out of my life, and it did not have a good effect on me, i was confused and hurt up until been 18 when i just wrote him off all together realising how much hes not worth it. I wont have that for my daughter!

I have enquired with the csa and they say i will be entitled to 15% of his wage, ragrdless of what he says or does. But he walked, hes called me every name under the sun and he's said that he will never ever feel any love towards our little girl.....I think im better of doing it on my own. I have a good job and i have savings in which i can use for us too. I dont need him, and she wont need him. If he contacts me then maybe ill think about it.....for a long time mind you. But im not gunna chase him and beg him to be a dad to her no way!!

Thanks for your help though hun

xx

 

[ToffeePop]

Don't blame you - like I said, he sounds like a tool

You should actually get about a third of his wages, prior to being paid, from source. The Army definitely assist in these cases and there is an association that will really help with support etc. I'd be taking all the help I could (as Tiny said - he does sound like an immature little twatbag)

So sorry that he's being like this - I know it sounds common place (and it's just highlighted in the forces, really, as it's a small percentage of the population so it appears to be more "common") If he's young and on tour and all sorts of things, you don't know what's going through his head etc. as well as everything else - you never know, he might just get to grips with being a grown-up in a year or so Sometimes tours can be a source of a reality-check and seeing life from a different perspective...making them grow up a bit

to you girlie. I'd make sure he paid up just on point of principle, if nothing else, to be honest. Learn a lesson, style for him

 

[laura dec 1988]

Thanks hun it means a lot really does. I thought to be honest the stroppy "i dont wanna be a dad" stage would be gone when hes over the shock, but im nearly 6 months now and we found out when i was only 4 weeks. So hes had long enough. Yeah maybe Afghan will make him realise, i dunno!! Im not gunna contact him though he should be a man and think to do it for himself. Only time will tell him, it wont really be any loss if he dosent, iv not had him here during any of my pregnancy, but if he does get in touch it will take a lot of time and i mean a lot lol. I makes me mad how he talks to everyone tellin them "oh i serve the country im going on tour" yeah i always take my hat of to him for what he does, but i wunt want anyone like that representing our country when he cant even stick to his responsibilities. Its like my friend said to me "hes big and bold enough to carry a gun and go to war, he should be big and bold enough to be a dad to his baby girl"

xxx

 

[ToffeePop]

Hm. Sounds like a PROPER spanner, then. I've never heard ANY of the lads say "I'm serving my country etc. I'm off to war" Most of them just say "it's my job..." and "I just want to be with my lads..." etc.

Yet another example of what NOT to aim to be like. I seriously hope he gets a grip of himself, sweetie, and "cops on" to being at least a responsible adult. Jeesh...(hubby is sitting here just sighing and saying "oh great, yet another tool making the army look like a bunch of eejits..." )

 

[titch]

yeah definately.He's noones hero right now. Sorry that sounds really harsh, but I think he deserves it. Yeah I would totally make him pay up. You shouldnt have to use up your savings when he's out buying beer with his wages. Take what he's duty bound to pay, seriously! If you dont, he's getting what he wanted, to have nothing to do with his child. Dont give him the pleasure of thinking he got away with it.

 

[laura dec 1988]

Yeah he is a tool, you know the worst thing is, when he went to Iraq nov 2008, i Thought he was the best thing since sliced bread lol. Then on his r&r (2 week leave inbetween tour) in march 2009, i picked
him up from teeside airport and the plane landed and he led all the lads as the marched into the airport and it was amazing a stood i cried, and at that moment i was so proud of him i really was.

Thing is he not just a private hes full cprl!! He's meant to be the one setting the example in and out of the job.....makes me sick!!! Im still in touch with a few of the army wives and the say there OH says that My ex says "it was her choice she will have to learn to deal with it" AAARRRGGGHHHH

xx

 

[ToffeePop]

Sorry, but what a tosser. Sorry to say it but...