I don't understand what I've done thats so bad?

[DW1978]

Yesterday was my birthday. Me and DH hadn't arranged to do anything last night. On Monday, work told me that the two people who are our UK sales team were coming over and that a)I might need to work late and b)that we would be going out in the night. Now, I'm in sales so felt like I couldn't really say no, they caught me on the hop, otherwise I probably would have made some excuse up and said I was doing something for my birthday. So I tell DH who is ok about it at the time. Then on Tuesday, he text me and said 'I've just realised its your birthday and we're not going to get to see you'. Now I know it was crap timing but there's not really much I can do about it. So yesterday we get up and dh stays in bed until 10 mins before he has to leave, gives me my presents and a brief peck on the cheek and says happy birthday, then goes off to work. I know he's in a mood and not talking to me. While I'm at work I get a text saying how he's pissed off that I said I didn't want to do anything for my birthday and how now I'm going out with my work. He had apparently made loads of plans. I wont get to see my family but it obviously doesn't bother me so he wont let it bother him anymore. I was so annoyed. I said obviously I'd rather be with my family, I'm not 'going out with work' as such, I'm going out with the sales team to entertain the people from the UK, not to go out with my mates and that it does bother me but I haven't got much choice but to go. I also said, if it's any consolation, you've made me feel rubbish all day and have a crap birthday. He wrote back a really horrible text saying bullshit, I've chosen my work over my family and with a bit more consideration, I could have avoided having a rubbish birthday, it's all my fault. I didn't reply to his message cos I thought we're just going to get caught up in a tit for tat argument. When I got home from work, I took my eldest swimming and when we got back, dh still wasn't talking to me. I fed the baby, gave him a bath and put him to bed. Then I got ready and went out, whilst crying my eyes out cos I feel so down about all this crap he's giving me. As I was leaving, I said bye twice to him and he totally ignored me - not a word. When I got home (about 11pm), he had made his bed up on the sofa and was sound alseep!! I just went to bed and went to sleep. This morning we didn't speak and he just left for work without saying bye.

I cannot believe he is being like this. He has totally ruined my birthday and is now giving me the cold shoulder.

Do you think I have been out of order?

 

[LoopyLouize]

Not at all hun!



I think he is bang out of order! If he wanted to do something for your birthday in the first place then he should have known damn well what day it was! And when you mentioned it he would have realised straight off!

He sounds like he has just spat his dummy out and being arkward!

Hope your ok x

 

[pinkyprincess]

He shouldn't make u feel bad on ur day for finding something to do (yes it's only work) if he hadn't told u of plans

 

[wifeywifey]

I dont think he is being fair however I can also see it from his point that hes upset, he made plans and was probably looking forward to spoiling you. If it was other way around wouldnt you feel the same. I think just a chat and a cuddle and maybe a meal together or something will fix it. X

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[BabyBrain]

I can see it from both sides tbh. I take it you are not in a new job so he should understand these kind of times happen and know you would rather be with your family rather than work. But then again how many of us have a little moan when our OHs don't make the effort and surprise us? And when they do it goes wrong for whatever reason lol. I think he's made more of it than he needs to though xxxxxxx

 

[jules84]

I don't think your out of order at all:/ u can celebrate another day no need to ruin the day further with childish behaviour xx

 

[Sarah13]

Sounds like he's being a bit ott about it, it was your birthday not his you had to miss! Its a shame if he did have a surprise organised for you but he should also know the nature of your job and organised something for when your off or hinted to you first! Hope you manage to make up tonight xx

 

[AyeshaD]

No babe you aint but hon you never know he might had surprise plan for you. also should given you a hint rather acting like a child. talk to him.

 

[Jaxx01]

Personally I don't think you have done anything wrong at all hunni... Like others have said if he'd have dropped hints or told you he had plans then things would have been different!!

Thing is you said he text and said ' 'I've just realised its your birthday and we're not going to get to see you' this to me suggests that he didn't have much planned as 'he'd only just realised' lol and that he's using it as an excuse to make you feel bad! Unless I read that completely wrong? In which case I'm sorry!!

I'd let him get on with it... Don't let him wear you down on this one hun xxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

^^ I was going to say the exact same thing.. How did he make plans when he only realized the day before..
He's being a child about it ur not in the wrong at all.. Maybe suggest celebrating your birthday together at the weekend?x

 

[Olive]

That's such a good point jaxx! You've done nothing wrong at all. Its not like you went out on his birthday it was yours and besides it was work! I could understand him being disappointed but it's not fair to make you feel bad!

How was he when he got home tonight? Hope you've cleared the air. Xxxx


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[DW1978]

No improvement today. Still not talking to me. To be fair, we've not had a chance to talk with the kids around and I work from 8-10pm but he hasn't tried to text me or anything either.

 

[Jayceesmumma]

sorry to hear that hun

 

[star fish]

Oh sweetie, I don't want to make you feel worse but i do think it was wrong of you to go out with work. I think birthdays are really important and you should have told your work it was your birthday and that your kids were looking forward to it or something. You should have spent it with your family. I'm so so sorry if thats not what you want to hear but i assume you asked becuase you were unsure xxx

 

[prettypenguin]

I can understand both sides but if it was me id have gotten over it a lot quicker. Could you maybe do something at the weekend? Maybe he just feels left out if you're working a lot. Big hugs hope hes calmed down now x

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[jojo_2012]

Do adults really take Birthdays that seriously? Do you think he might be emasculated by you working?

 

[pringle88]

I really cannot see his point at all?!

For one, it's your birthday you have missed - not his! And like Jaxx pointed out, it sounds as if he hadn't quite realised anyway and it just trying to make you feel bad.

I am sure you were a lot more cut up about working on your birthday than he was, he seriously needs to get over it! Making his bed up on the sofa is well OTT... there isn't anybody on your team he is a little bit jealous of is he?? "he gets to see her on her birthday and I don't" sorta thing!?

I am well passed trying to figure out how men think lol.. it's too much hard work!!!

 

[Jayjay027]

I think he's being seriously over-dramatic!! I'd tell him to get stuffed and I wouldn't talk to him until he realised how pathetic he's being and apologised!!
I'm sure u weren't overly delighted to have to work on ur birthday but he has no right to make u feel bad for days about it! X

 

[DW1978]

Thanks ladies. We've FINALLY got it sorted. He just said he was really gutted that I didn't spend time with him and that he felt like I was choosing work over my family (as if!). I said I didn't realise he was looking forward to it that much, I never do anything for my birthday so as far as I was concerned we were just gonna have another night of sitting watching tv together (which I love, but its nothing special). Anyways, we both apologised to each other and got it sorted...phew. So glad that's over. I still think he was being over dramatic but I'm glad it's over!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

At least it's over now... And he will have to plan something special for your next birthday so he can prove his point with this one haha!!