I don't know what to do any more :(

[x.Lilly.x]

]Me and my partners relastionship has always been very up and down.
We split up alot as he constantly used to lie to me, maybe about 10 times a week from really petty things to bigger things.
When I got pregnant it was planned but then he walked out on me when I was 9 weeks as he 'wanted to to go out clubbing when he wanted'.
We then got back together about 6 weeks ago as he promised hed changed and wanted to try again and be a familly.
I love him so much its unreal, so of course I jumped and took him back.
Everything was fine to start with, he was the nicest guy ever and then I found out hed lied to me.
He smokes weed (he said only once a week) but I found out from his friend he smokes it every night.
Hes also very un reliable, he will say hell call me after work (around midnight as hes a chef and works late hours) but never does and then wont contact me untill the next afternoon and leaves me worrying why he hasnt called etc. But then makes excuses up like he got up late and couldnt text me and say sorry for not calling etc.
I just feel like his little lap dog, when he says Jump I jump and I do because hes my world and all I want is for us to be a familly.
When its god its great though, like he took me out for a meal at the weekend and it was really lovely and then stayed at mine until Sunday. But then on Sunday he went home asap because he wanted to go out clubbing and do his own thing.
I just feel resentful that Im here looking after Joe and pregnant at the same time and hes of doing what he wants smoking drugs and not even calling me when he says.
I just feel like He wants me when its convineant to him.
My head is saying I shouldn't put up with this and were better of without him.
But I don't know anyone where I live and I love him so much and feel the heartache would be worse than how he treats me.
Some nights Ill be up for hours sobbing because he hasnt text me for 2 days and wont answer his phone to me for no reason at all.
I don't know if I could handle having my heartbroken again, but im just fed up of being treated this way.
All my familly hate him because of things hes done to me in the past and how he treats me and say I should end it, but its easier said than done when you dont love the guy etc
But he can be so lovely and caring when he wants to me, but then he compleatly turns on me when he wants to go out or smoke weed etc.
I guess I just needed a rant and to get it out, sorry =/
oh and like he said hed call me last night, but didnt nd then said hed call me on his break this afternoon but didnt and now wont reply to my texts, and all of this makes me paranoid hes cheating. gah =/

 

[flexilexi394]

honey, youve just answered all your own questions.
The problem is like you said, you dont know anyone that lives there so its a comfort to have him around, but hes completely taking the piss. hes not respecting you at all, or your children (unborn or not).
Its hard because you dont want to be on your own, but truth is you are way better off without someone that is unreliable, and clearly isnt making you very happy at all.
If you can, just be strong, and try and do it and get rid of him sweety. I have a friend very similar to you, her OH is a complete waste of space if im honest and she cant let go because she feels so lonely! and her daughter deserves better to be honest, as do your LO's.
Maybe just concentrate on them and try and keep yourself busy. I really think you know all these answers, just a case of having someone say "hes a dick, clearly needs to be childish and smoke drugs, cant keep you happy or be reliable, not worthy of having a girlfriend or children, goodbye MATE!"
Sorry if harsh or whatever, but you know its true! x

 

[evie_smith]

I wouldn't have any of that! I think a long chat with him is required And he needs to shape up or ship out (if it were me) xx


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[misscrazycooki]

I know hoe you feel totally, My partner smokes weed has been caught drug driving but since continues to use and drive about until his next court date??? I felt like I was shouting at a brick walk, My relationship isn't perfect either we fight and argue alot. Because of my pervious ex's and how I am mainly.

But I spoke to a friend the other day and he said to me some wise words, IF HE WANTS TO CHANGE HE WILL, BUT YOU JUST GOT TO TELL HIM STRAIGHT THEN GIVE HIM THE OPTIONS AND WALK AWAY. sorry for caps just wanted it stand out. :S

Because I was constantly nagging him to quit smoking it, He regulary used to leave me on my own in our flat, to the point i was thinking why am I here in debt and miserable...

I hve choosen to ride it out for now to see if he will book his ideas up before my baby is born. If he don't change then I will go from there. Hun there is help for you if you need to get out if the property isn't owed or its his.

Plus I'm sure your parents will help you out mine always did when i messed up.

Is joe his the other child? does he take responibilty for anything?

 

[MrsR]

Massive hugs honey x I went through this with an ex (who was also a chef!), he would say he'd call and then not call, say he was going to come round at a certain time and not show up, he lied to me, took drugs on nights out with friends (ecstasy and cocaine but insisted he didn't take them at all) and basically did what he wanted. He would leave me every 3 months practically to the day and I would continually take him back. I was a young single mother who was very very naive and just wanted to be loved and to have a family. Like you've said, when it was good it was absolutely amazing! However that didn't make up for all the shit times! I look back at the amount of times I sat and cried and worried because he hadn't called-AGAIN-and I cringe!

It wasn't good for me but more importantly it wasn't good for my daughter. She shouldn't of had to see me like that, shouldn't of had to see him leaving constantly and I have to live with that guilt now. You need to decide if this is the bloke that you want to build a future with, that you can trust not to hurt you and your children emotionally by leaving every time he wants to have his own way. If that's not what you think he can do then, as hard as it is, you need to leave him. You and your children deserve much much better. Think about what 'family' means to you-does it mean safety, trust and respect or does it mean sat at home crying because you don't know where he is or what he's doing?

I know how hard it is to leave. I know how hard it is to be on your own. I also know how liberating and wonderful it is to break free from someone like this. Good luck sweetheart.

 

[x.Lilly.x]

Thank you everyone for your replies
We don't live together anyway so that wont be an issue, we used to but dont anymore.
Like now Im sat here wonderiung whats going on as I havent heard from him since lunch time yesterday, he said hed call me last night and didnt and havent even had a text from him =/
Very true I do just love having someone around, someone to talk to etc
I know what I should do and need to do, I guess its just getting the confidence to do it. Im just soo scared of being on my own, being lonely and having 2 children. And No Joe isnt his son but hes been there since Joe was 4 weeks old so Joe knows him as his dad.

 

[bix]

How difficult, so hard to be pregnant anyway and to do it with all this stress. You should be thinking you're amazing and so should he. Please end the relationship, years from now you will look back and be so glad you did. Small comfort I know at the moment but it will happen. Throw yourself into meeting people, are there toddler groups you can go to? I guess it will be a bit easier when the new baby is here to go to groups. Sorry, bit of a ramble but I'm thinking of you.

 

[x.Lilly.x]

Now Im sat here sobbing because he called me after work. He got of early for once so I said to him why not get a taxi to mine, Ill pay for it n he can spend the night as he always finishes too late normally for him to come over after work.
But nope he said he wont because hes already said hell go to his mates house (who he goes to 5/7 days of the week) to get stoned and play xbox.
Just makes me feel like shit, would of thought he would wanna see me more, n makes me feel like 2nd best to his mates and weed.
I dunno if im jst being hormonal and over reacting?
But he was like 'well iv already said im going to his so dont expect me to come over cause i wont''. He can see him any night, we hardly see each other because he works such long hours n he still goes to his mates to get stoned the one night he finishes early
Is this me just over reacting n him jst being a typical boy or it more than that?

 

[evie_smith]

It doesn't sound like he is ready for a committed relationship to me hunni - if you want to wait around for him or have a chat with him and give him an ultimatum it's up to you but he is not ready to settle down. Personally I think he needs to accept his responsibilities and settle down if he likes it or not he ha a child on the way. Sounds like you will be waiting a life time for him though some
Men don't change and I would if it was me split and go my separate way. It might be enough - loosing you to make him see sense. It may be scary being on your own but if you think about it you practically are anyway sweet xx

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[isobel84]

hun he wont change. He knows you let him do what he want so he will.

Even tho its not easy, leave him. Dont txt, dont ring. But dont be rude either, just ignore him and if he asks why then tell him you need someone that is there for you 100% and clearly thats not him.

Then its up to him isnt it. If he is any good he will come running, he will fight for it and he will change (dont jump in his arms straight away tho, be cool)

if he dont bother, well there is your answer hun, he aint worth it

Im so sorry that you have to go trough this, but you need to consentrate on yourself, your son and your baby and we will be here to support youxx

 

[Sera-tonin]

You need to think about yourself and your baby. These are your two most important priorities. Actions speak louder than words.. IF you do talk to him and he says that he is going to change etc - make sure he backs it up with positive actions that last! (not just for the interim) It is the age old question - Can a leopard change its spots?

Be kind to yourself and your baby! You deserve it! Being pregnant and being a mom is the most important job you will ever have!

 

[x.Lilly.x]

Just to update.
We split up a few days ago.
I found out he has been lying to me and saying hes been working all week when actually hes had days of he hasnt told me about doing god knows what, with god knows who =/
And the funny thing is...hes saying its all MY fault
Only because hes been caught out.
I havent even heard from him since the day we split so that obviously shows how much I ever meant to him.
Just trying to keep busy.
Just feel a bit numb atm and havent really cried yet :S
But yeah I guess I did the right thing.
Thank you everyone for the support

 

[Sam's Mum]

You've definitely done the right thing. Maybe this will be what he needs to realise that he's been an idiot treating you the way he has been and he'll come crawling back, or maybe he'll show you the person he really is and what is more important to him - either way I'd keep reminding yourself that right now you and your family are much better off without him to worry about and not contact him, however much you might want to...let him think about what he's got to lose x

 

[misscrazycooki]

Sorry to hear you split but I guess its for the best maybe he will book his ideas up now he hasn't got you to fall back onto x Hugs x

 

[midnight]

you have made the 1st steps into happiness as hard as it is to begin with and it does get easier i promise and in time you will find a man that will just blow you away with how much he will love you and you children just as you deserve im not going to lie it is hard work being a single parent but to be honest you pretty much sound like you was anyway iykwim and teh rewards are double good luck and we are all here to support you x

 

[ashlee_smith]

Hi Lilly,
Sorry to hear about everything thats going on with him
always sad when the family idea doesnt work out...
Is he the father to your older child aswell?
x

 

[x.Lilly.x]

No he isnt hun, but hes been there since he was born.
and thats one thing I cant fault him on, he was amazing with my son, my son even called him 'dada' that was his first ever word hehe
Im feeling okay atm though, its been 2 weeks now, one dy Ill be fab and the next day ill be crying over him but I guess thats expected
x

 

[ashlee_smith]

aww, sounds like hes an amazing dad figure
do you mind me asking why your sons biological dad isnt around?
no worries if you dont want to talk about it
x

 

[x.Lilly.x]

Hes a waste of space lol
It was very much a quick relationship, I was young and naive and we thought if we didnt use protection it would be ok.
He saw him a few times last christmas, and then because I said he wasnt allowed him over night until he got to know him mroe etc he hasnt seen him since then lol
Really pathetic, what kind of parent would let there son stay at a guys house who they have met 2 times, i no hes his dad, but to Joe he was still a stranger.
Joes better of without him in my opinion, better than him coming and going.

Yeah that was the only upside to matt, very good with Joe