Husbands-helping or hindering?

[MrsS143]

Id smash his xbox!

 

[Toni.C]

I am so fortunate my Oh has no idea about technology other than his iPhone. He's also not into footy or boozing so he gets bored easily and will ask for a job to do. I wouldn't say my Oh is lazy, he just needs pointing in the right direction. He does the upstairs bathroom, grass cutting and maintanence and I tend to do the rest unless I ask him. He's a farmer so is busy all year round so I try not to pester him too much but he does understand I cant juggle the house and a baby in 2 hands. This will be our first harvest with a baby so it'll be difficult as I'll have to take on his jobs too! Glad to hear you've had a chat with your OH x

 

[violet13]

Well I had to ask him to cut the grass as low and behold he was sat on his Xbox this morning and he's moaning about it....sure heavily pregnant I'll just hop to it I started doing it after an hour of trying to get the lawn mower out as it's pretty heavy. We've already argued about that. He hasn't cut the grass for weeks over a month now so as I started doing it he came out moaned about it and I walked off and said you do it in going out. Xx

 

[Mummybexee]

Lock the door and don't let him back in!

Like it or lump it!

 

[violet13]

Well he and I have talked again. I just said to him things need doing in the house and I can't do it all anymore so you either help me or I'll be a single parent instead and go back to my mums which with her being ill wouldn't be fair but I just got so upset xxx

 

[WishingHoping]

I don't have a problem with my OH playing PS4 because he works 7days a week 5am-10pm Mon-Fri & Saturday 6am-10am & Sunday till 3pm. We have evenings together for about an hour before we go to bed & weekends we always have takeaway & watch movies/shop etc. Our housework day is Sunday so while he is working I do my jobs & when he comes home he does his jobs. He has his own business and works from the home gym as well as his gym in London, I know he is only working so many hours now so when the baby is born everything can tick over while he takes days off each week.

He will then ask if I mind him playing his ps4 & I always say of course I don't. I am a bit of gamer myself or well I used to be so I'm not too fussed really but yes I would be annoyed if he didn't do anything else & just sat on it all day. Everything in moderation; don't take his Xbox away & punish him like a child. If he needs time to unwind then he has every right to do that which to him may be playing the Xbox but having said that I agree he should be helping out with the household duties & putting your relationship BEFORE his game time.

Once that baby is here he won't have time to play it so he will have to get used to sacrificing this Xbox time now.

It sounds like he is addicted to it if I am honest & isn't doing it to mean or spiteful, he probably finds its a way of unwinding or escaping reality much like people like to read books or watch films. Don't make him feel bad for having man time but just make sure he knows his responsibilities before his games.

I hope you sort it out hun

xx

 

[JJ Mum]

Good listened, he sounds just like my oh so needs constant reminding. Mine is downstairs now on the pc! Hell be asleep ti sunday lunchtime after he's finished night work for the week. I have been asleep on the armchair in the boys room since my bedrun at 8 pm as he was in tonight ( my oh does no bed runs or washing up, cooking, cleaning, gardening, painting, diy etc( unless left for 2 nasty days first) when he's off work. Ive also been going mad as I want my house empty and spotless before baby and im going backwards tbh!!
Mummybexe! Omg your hubby makes lasagne!! Wow that's strickly my job- he sounds fab..

The only things I don't do are go in the spidery loft/shed, mow the grass and put bins out.

Violet just watch it wheb your a sahm for a bit or however long with maternity leave etc as it can very easily be deemed your job totally as off even tho with a baby you have less time than him with work too x

Oh and get him on the baby bath asap after birth or sharing as mine wont do it!

 

[violet13]

I have to admit I've woken up to a spotless house I am shocked. I wasn't expecting him to do anything tbh. So improvement yayyy I've said I'll do some hoovering and tidying today and he told me to go sit down....my eyes nearly popped out! So I will still tidy but he is running bits and bobs about for me. I gave him a cuddle and said thank you for listening he's even commented saying the house needed a tidy up haha xxx

 

[WishingHoping]

See sometimes they just need to be told!!

xx

 

[Stupidred]

Same here - I have no idea where I would be without my husband. From the first bout of morning sickness he did all the cooking and does all the lifting and hoovering- if I need something I just ask.

I would not expect to come home to him doing things off his own back. You have to ask and that's the key. Men are not intuitive and need to know what is expected. If I didn't ask or tell him how I was feeling I would not get.

My hubby actually asked me the other day whether I would write a rota so that he knows what needs doing on which days, this was he knows to expect to do his share rather than me asking him every 5 minutes to go do something.

I had swollen knees and feet a few weeks ago and I asked him would he have a bath ran for me when I get home and he did this. Now, if I call him on my way home and tell him I'm sore or aching I can expect a bath drawn when I get in (and sometimes a cuppa if I'm lucky).

You have to ask, especially if you have been together a while and you are no longer in honeymoon phase. 11 years we have been together but I get a much better response if I ask for things because his caveman 'provider' instinct kicks in and he beams smiles when I tell him how grateful I am. Remember, sometimes men need recognition or a pat on the back when they have done something right. and maybe a treat. and a scratch on the belly or tummy rub. hehehe

 

[Baby2sky]

Unpopular view but I totally dont get this "men need asking/ telling " thing. Ive never told my husband to cook, clean, put his washing away etc... He just does it because he's not stupid and sees a mess... I also would never thank him or give him recognition for doing normal things around the house as its our house, our mess and jobs need doing. I actually think this whole pandering to men and treating them like little boys who don't know how to do basic things is incredibly damaging and probably goes way back to their mothers spoiling and molly coddling them and their fathers growing up. My husband had to cook and clean from a really young age and I suppose never been "spoilt" by his mum so always knew these things needed doing to run a successful house and family.

 

[WishingHoping]

So are you insisting the people who don't have a prefect husband don't have a successful house or family just because their OHs need reminding at times?? My OH reminds me of things that I do which may annoy him.

None of us are perfect & none of us are saying we treat our men like children.

As you stated you never have had to deal with your husband not doing things so maybe that's why you don't see how infuriating it can be.

I don't nag or moan my OH because I just think we'll he's a grown man he knows what to do & 9 out of 10x he does them but yes there is the occasional day where I need to remind him to put the toothpaste lid back on or pick his pants off the floor.

Taking his Xbox away yes I think is treating him like a child but he is choosing to act like a child when Violet needed help.

xx

 

[Lolie14]

Unpopular view but I totally dont get this "men need asking/ telling " thing. Ive never told my husband to cook, clean, put his washing away etc... He just does it because he's not stupid and sees a mess... I also would never thank him or give him recognition for doing normal things around the house as its our house, our mess and jobs need doing. I actually think this whole pandering to men and treating them like little boys who don't know how to do basic things is incredibly damaging and probably goes way back to their mothers spoiling and molly coddling them and their fathers growing up. My husband had to cook and clean from a really young age and I suppose never been "spoilt" by his mum so always knew these things needed doing to run a successful house and family.

My hubby had his own house before the met me so was used to doing all the chores. Like yours his mum never pandered to him and he is a far better cook than me... He loves to cook and I hate it He is messy when it comes to clothes lying about but I'm happy to just pick them up rather than "tell him off" for it as it doesn't really bother me. I don't nag him and he doesn't nag me!

 

[kumber]

Not agreeing or disagreeing with anyone here, just putting my own view across.

Me and hubby will admit to being complete nerds and playing a console is a weekly and sometimes daily addiction. Removing the consoles when someone has a compulsion to play (which is what Violet's hubby sounds like to me) is, in my view, only going to cause a negative reaction. You can't force a smoker to stop smoking, you can't force a gamer to stop gaming. You can, however, do what we do which is state x amount of tasks need to be done before the console gets turned on. I don't think that's treating the person like a child, I think it's management of an addiction.

 

[Quinn1979]

I thank god my hubby isn't a gamer. Been in relationships before with those guys and it drove me absolutely crazy! X

 

[Baby2sky]

So are you insisting the people who don't have a prefect husband don't have a successful house or family just because their OHs need reminding at times?? My OH reminds me of things that I do which may annoy him.

None of us are perfect & none of us are saying we treat our men like children.

As you stated you never have had to deal with your husband not doing things so maybe that's why you don't see how infuriating it can be.

I don't nag or moan my OH because I just think we'll he's a grown man he knows what to do & 9 out of 10x he does them but yes there is the occasional day where I need to remind him to put the toothpaste lid back on or pick his pants off the floor.

Taking his Xbox away yes I think is treating him like a child but he is choosing to act like a child when Violet needed help.

xx

I never said i had a perfect husband or family, just that i dont agree with this belief system perpetrated by a lot of women of my generation of men being useless beings incapable of thinking for themselves without the help of women.

 

[MrsS143]

A lot of men insist on being told what to do
I think they like it!

 

[violet13]

I never meant to start an argument or negative response on here. Ladies please don't take things badly from one another, we're all extremely hormonal right now even if we don't think it. My oh has been better I must admit but he needs to pull his finger out on some stuff as I am still doing everything except lifting the Hoover as I hurt my back doing that I'm just not used to the excess weight I think he does still need to help me but he put the bins out today so I'm happy even if it's just little stuff if I don't have to nag him I'm happier I hate nagging xxx

 

[mylullaby]

I never meant to start an argument or negative response on here. Ladies please don't take things badly from one another, we're all extremely hormonal right now even if we don't think it. My oh has been better I must admit but he needs to pull his finger out on some stuff as I am still doing everything except lifting the Hoover as I hurt my back doing that I'm just not used to the excess weight I think he does still need to help me but he put the bins out today so I'm happy even if it's just little stuff if I don't have to nag him I'm happier I hate nagging xxx

"Nagging" is a sexist term invented by misogynists to make women feel bad for expecting men to pull their weight. If he did his fair share you wouldn't have to ask him to do stuff. That's all it is - asking him to do stuff. Not nagging. I feel for you, I really do. My dh is good anyway, but even more so now I'm pregnant. I have found myself snapping at him because it sometimes feels like I can't do anything (I'm pregnant, not an invalid) ... but have to keep reminding myself he's only doing it because he cares. I have to sneakily do chores when he's not around so he doesn't tell me off! I promise you, I'm not complaining btw, just pointing out this is the way many adults respond to their partner's pregnancies... xxx

 

[violet13]

Well if I don't ask him it'll never get done and I can't do it all on my own, I'm far too big to be doing certain things and with the stress I'm under isn't helping things as I just don't need the aggravation. So he either helps me or he doesn't simple as a lot of men don't do things on their own thinking and it's actually a big trait I've seen, some guys are neat freaks some aren't but a lot just don't think to take the bin out or to wipe the sides down etc xx