Hurt & upset

[lizylou]

Well here goes ladies...
It's took my OH nearly 2 months to turn round and say he doesn't want to do the deed because it doesn't feel right
I have been thinking and worrying that well I'm getting a belly now and I'm obviously not attractive anymore
I'm sitting here crying now that he has only just now turned round and said something!
We talked about this a few weeks ago and everything was ok but still we didn't get intimate
I feel rejected and upset and I don't know what to do
He said well I don't want to hurt baby I told him you can't and he said ok well we will try it...
Funny thing is I'm not in the mood for it anymore I believe the moment has passed
I feel stupid : ( x

 

[cosmicgirl]

I feel exactly the saem, only I've been in your position fo the past 3 years.
Don't feel sad, does OH find it odd because of the baby in there? Lots of men do x

 

[aliciabubba]

hey, my OH and I didn't have sex for 9 months! OH just didn't want to do it because he felt he was going to hurt baby. I tried to convince him he wasn't going to but in the end I didn't feel up to it as I had a huge bump and didn't feel very attractive. x

 

[lizylou]

Yeah I think he is put off the idea all together because baby is in there
He said he will try but that makes me feel bad then
I want him to want to do it not because I want to
I just feel down because of my ever growing bump and now I just feel even more rejected
Its quite upsetting : ( its alright when he can be pleased in other ways but when it comes to me... Nothing : ( x

 

[aliciabubba]

I really know how you feel! I found it so hard at the start because I really felt unattractive because he didn't want to do it which caused some arguments! but now he can't wait to do it again lol...xx it is nice that OH felt that way about baby if you know what I mean. I felt like he really cared for baby even in early stage of pregnancy. big hugs to you !! xxx

 

[lizylou]

Maybe I'm being to hard on him
I just wish he would have told me rather than me keep worrying
I have needs too im not just the baby grower : ( x

 

[vixxie77]

Aw hun think this is quite normal. Just remember its not you, maybe investy in something to pleasure yourself when you feel the need x x

 

[lizylou]

Yeah I thought about that but it kind of feels wrong
Like I really just want to feel him touch me and want me again like before I got pregnant
Guess I'll have to wait a long while yet : ( x

 

[lizylou]

Oh I forgot the cringe moment I had my midwife appointment today also he came with me she said are you doing your pelvic floor excersises I was like.... Errrr sort of
Then she came out with well I won't beat around the bush you need to do 20 a day and next time you have intercourse try squeezing I was like god... I won't even comment on that one x

 

[fresh]

Mine does not have any inclination to do it either, I think it turns him off and worries him. I asked him once but didn't get a positive response, I'm not pushing it

To be honest, I'm not bothered, I've had no sex drive at all, though I do keep having rude dreams!
As long as he's not getting it elsewhere and the tissues keep disappearing from the box, I'm happy

 

[Mrs Wibbily]

Hiya lovey

The way you're feeling is completely understandable but try and remember it's not a case of your oh not finding you attractive, it's the situation. Do you feel like you could sit down and have a good chat with him about how you're feeling? Tell him that even if he doesn't want to do the deed a little kissing and cuddling would be nice. Just to keep the closeness, I believe it's really important to be close even if not being fully intimate. We all want to feel sexy and when you're preggers and feel like a whale (well that's how I'm feeling and starting to look at the moment) it's even more important to feel that.

There are loads of things you could do together apart from going full on, there are toys you could get which would sort you out and he could be sorted too. I'm pretty certain I've read that having a big O is very healthy through pregnancy. It increases the blood flow to your cervix and releases relaxing endorphins, explain that to your oh and how good it is for you.

Hope you can get him to come round to the idea of some kind of bedtime fun.

xxx

 

[kaz1983]

I feel the same hubby didny seem keen a few times I ried and to start with i didny bother me but then thought he obviously doesny find me atractive and then I turned it round on myself started to think I wasny a good wife cos when he had tried I sed no. Not the last time we done it bu the time before I just wasn turned on enough and it just wasny happening bu Ive realised its compleely normal and any time that we do do it its not gonna do any harm xx

 

[lizylou]

I dunno I guess now I just feel silly im all the more paranoid about my looks I just hate myself right now
Will have to see how it goes hopefully things will work themselves out x
Thank you all xx

 

[leesey]

Make sure you voice your concerns, as I bottled it up for 3 months (since the last time we dtd) and it all came out in a huge emotional turmoil last week when I basically told him I was on the verge of depression because of the way it was making me feel.
Sex has always been a big deal for me, I've always had a major sex drive, and it's always been a problem with us having different drives, but having only done it twice in our entire pregnancy was making me feel rejected, unattractive, paranoid and insecure. I just wasn't myself at all, and it was making us both miserable.
It all came out in a massive argument/crying fest last week when he eventually said that he just wanted to protect me and the baby so much that he didn't want to have sex because of all the things that could hurt me (I have SPD and have been vomiting a lot due to really bad heartburn and acid reflux) so he didn't want to risk causing any more problems.
I realised that I was being quite selfish by wanting sex, as he has his own anxieties, so I've kind of come to terms with it and we're much happier this week. I've been making more of an effort to cuddle him instead and been a bit more touchy feely so we can be intimate in ways we're both comfortable with. It seems to be making things easier on us and I actually feel like my confidence is back?

Anyway, that's a long story cut short, but basically make sure you air out your concerns before they build up too much xx

 

[lizylou]

I will deff voice my concerns
I just want to feel close to him again and right now I feel ugly
Thank you all xx

 

[ams25]

We hardly dtd any more either, maybe twice in the whole of tri 2... My OH hasn't come right out and said anything but I can tell he's just not into the idea at all! I'm trying not to take it personally and trying to think its quite sweet that he doesn't want to hurt the baby, but its hard not to feel unattractive when you feel fat and vulnerable anyway! I really miss that closeness

Seems like its quite common anyway so just reading this thread has reassured me hope you feel a bit happier to know you're not alone too hun! Xx

 

[lizylou]

I do feel much happier and less worried : )
Although he woke me up by accident last night waving his arm about in his sleep and managed to hit me in my head so that was nice... I burst out crying this was at 1am this morning I managed to keep quiet though I didn't want to wake him up all upset, I guess I just let things build up on me and then I have a melt down : (
He spoke to me a little last night saying he does love me very much and still finds me attractive... I just don't quite believe the last bit lol bless him for trying though lol x

 

[nikkid]

What you need is a big cuddle from him and for him to let you know how much he loves you. I felt like you did a few weeks ago and spoke to my OH. He didnt realise I was feeling rejected and ever since ive noticed he has been making more of an effort. He gives me cuddles just for the sake of it and tells me how much he loves me. maybe your OH just doesnt realise the way you are feeling. You should definately talk to him xxxxx

 

[LucyB.]

I feel the same with my OH. It's horrible and I too feel ugly, insecure and upset but I'm just hoping he will feel differently when George is here. Good luck talking to ur OH xxx

 

[jody1981]

Im glad this is so common I thought it was just me! Seems my other half was well up for it when trying to make the baby and now its cooking along nicely his job is done!
I also found out at my 21week scan that I have a low placenta and I am not allowed to have intercourse until my next scan - 32 weeks - ELEVEN WEEKS!!

My other half just shrugged it off and did not seem bothered and I have been feeling exactly the same as you all, unattractive, fat etc etc but thing is I thought / hoped we would get up to other stuff - trying not to be graphic here but nope nothing, he seems contented with just waiting.

I really miss having a kiss and a cuddle and the other night I just let it all out, tears and tantrums the lot so hopefully he has realised Im not just a baby machine I have feelings too.

Fingers crossed for July 23rd and the placenta has moved - Its on the calender (not that Im counting down the days or anything......!)

God I feel like such a nymph lol x