did he betray me

[jemz24]

my OH went out last nite came home quite late. i picked his clothes up to wash em and smelled purfume on it.
Iasked him who he was with, he eventually told me he walked this girl home (work collegue) with his arm around her. Now im really upset as i cant get the picture of his arm around her shelering her from the cold. To me its an intimate thing to do. I dnt even know wot do anymore i feel like hes betrayed me.

 

[pacha]

Awww hun, I feel for you and completely understand your feeling of betrayal. I am hopeless with advice but didnt want to read and run! Hugs for you sweetie

 

[Frog99]

Hi - I'm should be in Tri1 but was loitering in here when I saw your post.

I don't blame you for feeling betrayed, I would too. If she was cold it serves her right for not wearing a coat!
I'd speak to you OH about it, tell him how hurt and betrayed you feel and see what he has to say.
However just make sure any decisions you make or anything you say isn't hormonal - but don't let him use the words 'stop overreacting your hormonal!'.

I hope everything works out OK for you

 

[Shinymac]

Oh my god, I'd be the same, and I would feel exactly the same as you do.
The only person who can answer that question is him, and if he's telling you the truth, then it sounds innocent, although not ideal, and I know I wouldn't be happy about it myself, but it could be worse.
Stay strong and positive, and whatever happens you will get through it all as hard as it may seem at the time. x

 

[xkikix]

I have double standards so its hard for me to answer...

If it was my OH that smelt of perfume then I would be fuming... However my best best friend at work is a guy and I love him to bits as a friend. I give him a hello or goodbye kiss (a peck) regualy like I do with my girlfriends. but we are just mates, there is no feelings or chemistry between us other that being best friends.

Sorry, crap answer I know but it just shows they could be just friends??

 

[allycat]

Not sure I'd be happy about my OH putting his arm around someone...to me that's a bit too close to get to someone! Sorry to hear you think your man's betrayed you, can completely understand why you feel like that. Did he say any more about it? Has he ever mentioned this colleague before?

 

[jemz24]

this girl i wouldnt say she his friend just someone he works with. he only told me after a pressed on so much. He's not saying anymore.

omg he just told me he put his arms around coz he was cold, he gone to work now and im in peices.

 

[Melly+2]

id be kicking off if that were my oh, but im a hot head atm though, hope your ok

 

[Potbelijo]

Okay I'm going back a lot of years. But when I was young and single I used to go drinking with a bunch of guys who were genuinely just mates, nice guys.

I've been walked home several times, kept warm and put in my flat safely without any untoward suggestions. I'm not like that, they weren't like that.

Perhaps he was just doing the gentlemanly thing here, taking home someone he knew to make sure she was safe and just being nice by keeping her warm. I'd give him a chance.

 

[Tenshineko]

Id feel the same as you if my DH told me that

 

[scones]

Id want answers hun. IMO if a man is in a loving relationship with bubba on the way why would he even want to get intimate like that? To me thats a bit too personal but then if he is touchy feely type person then it may be normal to him. So sorry.

 

[Anna23]

hmmm i'd feel the same too totaly, but i'd ask for proof i'd go see the girl and ask her on her own then ask them both together but i have had too many people cheat on me in the past and i won't have it happen again

 

[Potbelijo]

Aw come on it's January if bloody freezing out there. What kind of guy would let a work mate freeze on the way home? Surely if he'd done something bad he wouldn't have mentioned her at all and made up an excuse.

 

[ShineyHappyPeople]

Aw come on it's January if bloody freezing out there. What kind of guy would let a work mate freeze on the way home? Surely if he'd done something bad he wouldn't have mentioned her at all and made up an excuse.

Not trying to say he did anything but if she was just genuinely cold why did he not say that to Jemz straight away instead of only telling her when she pressed on at him?

I would find it weird if a work mate put his arm around me to keep me warm, im a grown woman! I'd be like "get off" lol

 

[Potbelijo]

Perhaps he could see she was upset anyway and didn't want to make her feel worse? I'm not saying he has to be innocent, I just think it's unfair to assume he's in the wrong.

If it were me in the same position, yes I'd feel a twinge of envy (and tease him a little about it). But I'd also be quite pleased he'd done something nice. I've been cheated on in the past but that doesn't mean all guys do it.

 

[*Rainbow*]

Deleted

 

[mudgey]

I agree with the others, Id be devastated and really stressing myself out about it If it was me Id tell him to imagine it the other way round, how would he feel if you said you'd walked home with another mans arms round you? If it was my OH he'd be fuming so Id put it to him so he can see your point.

 

[DaisieBee]

I would stress about it but prob wouldnt press it if was only time something like that had happened. Benefit of doubt and all that!

 

[sam08]

Its a hard one, If it was me i woudl be fuming mad as i know my OH isnt the touchy feely kind of person so i wouldnt believe him for one minute and id go on until i got the truth out of him, but then i know guys who are touchy feely, my OH's mate squeezes and hugs everyone, even the blokes! LOL, and his missus knows this and it's all good and fine. I think you know your other half well enough to know whether he would genuinely put his arm around someone (who does that nowadays anyway? Dont you just offer your coat?) or whether he is covering up for something.

I really hope everyhting is okay hunny, and you get to the bottom of it soon either way. Ask him who the girl was, what's her name? Where does she live? Does the story add up? Why didnt she get a taxi home instead? Does she live on teh way to yours is that why?

Good luck. xxxxx

 

[meandthebump]

I hope you've managed to talk about what did or didn't happen and explained why you're upset. I would be upset by it but you know him best and maybe it was innocent? Hope all is ok.