Feeling really hurt!!

[Froslass]

I feel so hurt and lonely right now Just need to write down how i feel, I hope you guys don't mind x

At the moment OH and I are living apart until we get the house sorted, and I'm finding it really difficult. OH is working for my dad during the week, 9-5 and part time at the weekend, so working 6 days a week, saturday off. I have told him on many occasions how much i appreciate him working really hard, although I'm starting to worry we won't get a place in time.

Anyway, I've been feeling really depressed recently, really struggling to adapt to living at home again..without OH..I hate that the baby kicks, and he isn't here to feel it. I'm not clingy or anything, and have always been quite independent, but recently I have just felt like I really need him to be here for me. I am desperate, literally, for just some us time - there has been literally no cuddles, or kisses, or even sex for ages. I know that these physical things aren't the backbone of a relationship, but I feel so detached from him just now and I really miss "us".

So tonight my parents asked my if we would babysit, (OH and I) as I have 4 younger siblings. I was really looking forward, and I mean really REALLY looking forward to spending time together. I told OH this, he knew how I've been feeling - and he told me he couldn't wait either..

Mum went out and left the kitche and livingroom in a bit of a mess..so after making tea for the kids i got them into bed with a movie and they normally watch it and then go to sleep. I had made steak pie and there were quite a few dishes to clean, on top of the dishes that were already there. I went into the livingroom to find OH sitting with his Ps3 (he had f****cking brought it with him) playing CALL OF DUTY.

This pissed me off slightly, but i knew i had to tidy up, so started tidying round him as he was sitting in the living room. He didn't offer to help me or anything I hoovered round him, washed the laminate flooring, cleaned all the tables and actually might have overdone it slightly cause now my back really hurts...

I then went into the kitchen..he had told he would help me witht he dishes...and he didn't. It took me nearly 2 hours to clean the whole place as it was a bomb site. The dishwasher was feckin broke so i washed and dried all the dishes (for a family of 7 they pile up so quickly..) and all the pots from lunch and dinner.

I was finished for a bout ten. Went out, and OH is still playing, nearly 3 hours later..

I went and got changed into my cosy PJ's and sat on the opposite couch, waiting for him to finish.

EXCEPT HE DIDNT

He played and played and played.. and I just SAT THERE, until my parents came in at midnight...

At one point before my parents came in, he came over to me whilst his bloody game was loading and said
"I know you were really looking forward to seeing me, and gave me a kiss, sorry we haven't seen much of eachother recently.." I said it's ok, thinking he was done, but he just went back to playing again cause it had loaded...

My dad then insisted he play zombies with him...I was about to erupt into tears at this point, so left the room and went up to my bedroom...

OH has only just, about 10 minutes ago, come into my room, said night night...and then left

I feel so unloved, rejected and unwanted..

I sit in the house all day, as I don't have anything to do. my finances are in a mess at the moment and I because I left my job voluntarily (to go back to college in january - but then fell pg so couldn't) so jobseekers wont pay my until i've been out or work for 26 weeks as i left volunatarily!! I can't find a job as i've been looking for ages, and now it's pretty obvious I'm pg and no one will hire me.

I have 0 income, relying on my parents (i hate it so much!!) so to feed me. Can't afford proper clothes that fit, feel like a big unattractive sack in the baggy ones that do..Can't afford to even start buying things for baby..I had some birthday money left, which I spent all on baby things..


I am so lonely, and on the verge of a meltdown.

I just feel so so so hurt

What makes it worse is that the few times OH and I have had alone, and tried to DTD, I just haven't been able to get into it - I felt like a total failure.....I'm really worried he just doesn't want to be with me anymore..If thats the case I wish he would just say.

I just want to cry and cry and cry. I am so pathetic

Sorry for the long rant Just had to type it all out...thanks everyone..

 

[yorksmummy]

Didn't want to read and leave your post unanswered..........
Bascially men are plonkers, and he peobably thought him being there (playing on the playstation or not) was what you wanted, rather than what we interpret as spending time together. They are just not wired up the same way we are.
Could you arrange for you two to do something together with no-one else there, no TV, no playstation etc. Doesn't have to cost a bomb, maybe arrange a picnic for the two of you one sunny Saturday afternoon so you can both chill out together and talk whilst lying in the sunshine? Then you can tell him what you meant by "spending time together" and how you're feeling.
I have two children, number 3 on the way and I feel frumpy, uncomfartable and about as sexy as......... well something not very sexy. But my husband thinks that telling me he finds my sexy still is enough to make me feel better........... no clue how we actually work at all.
Hope you have a more positive day today hun, hormones play such a part of how were feeling too, try and have some you time too. xx

 

[YazminaBambino]

I just wanted to post a little message of support. I really hope you two get some time to spend together! *hugs* x x x x

 

[EmmBee123]

oh hun, men are idiots, they just don't get that Call of Duty is a game and that they aren't real soldiers. yorksmummy is right, perhaps he didn't realise that what you mean by spending time together isn't the same as his idea of it, love the idea of the picnic, would give you time just the two of you, and no distractions to talk

 

[ChrissieCool]

BIG

 

[i.love]

oh hun that must have been terrible for you. Except... why didn't you say anything?? You know, men are sometimes funny. Maybe he thought that him playing PS3 and you sitting nearby also counts as time together? Just a thought...

 

[Sarah13]

You poor thing sounds like you had a right crappy night. Men are idiots at times, he probably thought he was spending time with you as your both in the same house. Men and their stupid games consoles, I put a ban on ours that he can only play it when I'm not in or doing my own stuff, that call of duty drives me mad! Hope you get some proper time together, we need the kisses cuddles and compliments just now, I understand some men find sex a bit strange when their partner is pregnant (and some women) but maybe you need to let him know how you feel.

Like yorksmummy said arrange some time just the two of you, a walk or something you liked doing together before you were pregnant. I'm sure your parents don't mind helping you out just now till your finically sorted again, your helping them with baby sitting and chores after all.

Hope your feeling a bit happier today x

 

[Geminiblue]

Like i.love said, you have to speak to him, men have to have it spelt out, women are great for tea and sympathy and can read you like a book. Unless you tell them, they havent a clue. Many of us feel fat and frump but you have more reason to feel like this as you have no physical contact. We are human beings and effection in whatever form is what we need, especially as we are pregnant. Its human nature my darlin so dont you feel guilty for feeling like this.

OK, can you do some temp work? Go to an agency and they will take you on as its shorter term cover for employers...then you never know, you could always get a part time job out of it for after maternity leave? Or not do anything...

SOunds like your parents are helping you out loads BUT could your partner not stay with you at night sometimes? Im assuming youre not 14 yrs old? so could that not happen.

Talk to your partner darlin, tell him that you were upset that he acted that way BUT you are aware that you should have said something....

Hope you feel better soon sweetie, youre treading water right now keep your head above it xxx

 

[Binzy]

Poor you, I'm not surprised you feel miserable after all that. You just need to spell it out to him, the fact that you didn't say anything while he was playing probably made him think you didn't mind.
Hope you sort it out soon xx

 

[Coco pops]

I agree with everyone here, its taken me until my ripe age of 32 to realise that men really do need the direct approach as they really are different! you should have told him right turn that off and help me by doing the dishes then we can spend some time together and I am betting he would have happily done so.

Give it a go!

big hugs xxxxx

 

[Froslass]

Thanks everyone xx I spoke to OH and explained why i was annoyed, I guess I just thought I should have to ask twice for help with the dishes and stuff lol cause he'd already said he'd help xx

He said he thought I looked sleepy so he didn't want to harass me and just left me to sit on the couch and chill so I suppose he thought he was being sweet lol x

I was def feeling very hormonal when that all happened, I honestly felt like it it was the end of the world!! I'm enjoying being pregnant hehe but not liking the psycho episodes I seem to be getting xx

 

[Sarah13]

So true about how different us women and men think. I once read a funny book called 'why men don't listen and women can't read maps' by Allan Pease and Barbara Pease, it really explains how we're wired so differently but is humorous at the same time, my hubby even read it! So now we both understand each other a bit better! I now know men need to be told or asked things directly and they never analyse things like we do, very simple creatures men! Glad your feeling happier now and had a chat x

 

[mum2b410]

Hey hun, glad things are a bit better now....I just wanted to say that I have situations like that with my OH and in my experience they genuinely don't know what you are thinking or what you want and that unless youn literally spell it out they wont work it out, no matter how strong a hint you give!
I hope that you can find a job, even just for a few weeks? It will give you another sense of purpose and help distract you from all the other hard stuff that's going on in your life!
If you and OH can't get much time together do you have any girly friends that you could have a get together with or other mums 2b? I think you need some girly support, might help to lift your spirits? Sometimes, with all these hormones it does feel like the world is comin to an end, but usually, give it 24 hours and you'll feel different.....not that everything will be fixed but you'll have some perspective back.
Take care hun xxxx

 

[Froslass]

Good news on the Job front Ladies!!
My Uncle works for an engineering firm and their Secretary has just gone off long term sick, so I've managed to get a wee temporary job I'm so relieved to finally have something to do and I can feel useful again! x

They're hoping to keep me till september so a few months! x

I'm really chuffed hehe!! x

 

[Sassysugar]

Thats great news on the job front, congratulations hun

 

[Coco pops]

Oh thats fab news! well done! xx

 

[mum2b410]

Congrats hun, that's fab news! xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Didn't want to read and leave your post unanswered..........
Bascially men are plonkers, and he peobably thought him being there (playing on the playstation or not) was what you wanted, rather than what we interpret as spending time together. They are just not wired up the same way we are.
Could you arrange for you two to do something together with no-one else there, no TV, no playstation etc. Doesn't have to cost a bomb, maybe arrange a picnic for the two of you one sunny Saturday afternoon so you can both chill out together and talk whilst lying in the sunshine? Then you can tell him what you meant by "spending time together" and how you're feeling.
I have two children, number 3 on the way and I feel frumpy, uncomfartable and about as sexy as......... well something not very sexy. But my husband thinks that telling me he finds my sexy still is enough to make me feel better........... no clue how we actually work at all.
Hope you have a more positive day today hun, hormones play such a part of how were feeling too, try and have some you time too. xx

Took the exact words out of my mouth!
They need to understand we dont work the same with the added hormones, so the things we used to tolerate we just cant now-which isnt our fault!
I always give the same advice to couples with a baby on the way.. spend as much time together as possible as when the baby is here there will be no chance at all! Even on my third pregnancy (his first) i know we still need that time together.
I understand how you feel about finances etc.. my OH has had to give up uni in southampton and can cet jobseekers until the next term starts.. hes been looking for work for a long time and he just cant find anything its really getting him down and putting a strain on the relationship..
Its good to get it all off your chest you know we are all here for you
Have you opened up to him about it in a way he will understand? Sometimes they need a translation to get what we are feeling..
Wishing you all the luck in the world honey xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Good news on the Job front Ladies!!
My Uncle works for an engineering firm and their Secretary has just gone off long term sick, so I've managed to get a wee temporary job I'm so relieved to finally have something to do and I can feel useful again! x

They're hoping to keep me till september so a few months! x

I'm really chuffed hehe!! x

Fantastic news!!
sorry i didnt read the whole thread before replying!!
xxx

 

[i.love]

hey, great news!! congratulations xx