Feeling sensitive...

[Piglet's Mama]

...which I think is just hormones but I feel a little bit blah today.

I don't know if it's just me, it probably is to be fair, but I don't know if my hubby is acting a bit odd. Sometimes he just doesn't seem interested in the pregnancy and it feels like his head is just buried in the clouds. He is more concerned when he comes home with having his dinner then going on his Xbox then how I am. He plays on this until he says he wants to go to bed and I feel like he doesn't want to spend anytime with me at all... I have talked to him about it and he says it's not that at all but his patience is also really short and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells a bit.

I don't know if it's because I've been off work for the last 5 weeks and he's maybe resentful, but if that's the case I don't know what I'm going to do as I've got 3+ months until the baby is here... I keep the house clean & tidy, washing done, dinner done, I don't know what else I can do - I'm also being paid full pay and will be until August-time (before statutory mat pay) and getting a bonus in May and even though my wage is a part time one, we pay 50-50 on everything, I just don't know what I'm doing (if anything) or what the problem is. Like I say I have talked to him and he says everything is fine and I don't want to keep asking him but I feel like I need to do or say something so he knows I'm upset about it...

Any advice ladies? x

 

[Bunnykins]

Hi hon, it could just be his way of dealing with things, my oh was great at the start really supportive then in last few weeks he wouldnt talk to me, and when he did he just snapped at me or grunted, he spendt a lot of time on his laptop instead of with me. One night last week I had horrendous cramps I was terrified and needed reassurance and he just shouted at me and told me to man up!!!! Next day I had it out with him, I knew it would be an argument if i pushed him but I also knew I'd get him to say what was up, after 2 hours of shouting at each other he came out with all sorts ranging from he hates the fact I don't take as much care in my appearance, to the fact he is scared about being a good dad, and then finally the root cause that he feels totally helpless that he can't help with my sickness he can't wave a magic wand and give me my energy back and he just feels frustrated and useless, and the night of the cramps he was terrified and couldn't cope and he couldn't tell me he was feeling stressed etc as he felt like because I'm the one who is pregnant his feelings don't matter and he felt guilty. So I promised even on my bad sickness days I'd at least brush my hair lol, and that we agreed he'd talk to me about how he was feeling and not bottle it up, then I gave him full control of the nursery, it his responsibility to strip and decorate it, last I checked he was knee deep in pollyfilla with a big smile on his face, his control and manpoints returned to normal levels!!
Sorry for such a long post but wanted to get across a man point of view, your oh might be telling u he is fine because he feels guilty for not being fine as your the pregnant one, try and get him to open up as they do worry about more than us sometimes, after all we are in control of the baby growing bit and they have nothing but are still going through the same experience with the same outcome. Hope you get things sorted hon xx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

Thanks hun for your reply, really appreciate it

We had a big talk earlier when he got home and he came out with a load of silly reasons too - he IS annoyed that I'm not at work but he admits this is silly as I am paying my way and everything at home is done for him. He knows as well that if my work situ was different, I would be working until much later and I said to him he doesn't seem to realise how bored I get at home. It's funny you say about appearance as I said to him should I make more of an effort and he said I was just being silly (but you know men and I reckon he does prob think, is she ever going to change out of those leggins and cover up her acne?! )

He said he finds the kicks weird and the moving tummy like Alien LOL and I can understand how it's not for everyone - my Mum finds it freaky too. I said he never asks how I'm feeling and how bump is and he says he knows he should try harder, he's says he's just tired in the evenings and doesn't think; he said it's not me and there's nothing I'm doing - he says he hates that I'm always right and wants me to do something wrong! Hehe!

All in all I feel better. He's been very sweet and I think his problem is that he's TOO laid back and comfortable with everything, whereas to me having a baby is the biggest thing EVER and I want him to feel like that too. He says it's harder for him because everything is happening to me, the kicks and the movement and he said it's hard to feel involved - I just worry that when baby is here he won't be prepared and it will be totally overwhelming. Maybe cause I am at home alot I've just got too much time on my hands to think about this LOL!

xxx

 

[scandicmum85]

Hi.. Just want to say that this could be normal too.. My man was a bit odd in start of pregnancy, men deal with things differently from us women and its a big deal for men to become dad.. My OH told me he go to his "cave" when he is worry about things, and its pretty normal for men to start worrying about future etc when their partner is pregnant.. Its a man thing, being able to provide , support nd protect their women... My OH was also extremly worried as I wasnt able to work or do anything the first 3 months of pregnancy and it put alot of stress on him and caused arguments.. x

 

[EmmBee123]

Jenny, hope you feel better Hun. Thanks for this post, oh is acting odd and I had no idea why. Must just be a man thing. He just says he is fine too

 

[scottishlassie]

I know how you feel Jen, my oh acts the same sometimes! but i think its just typical men. They do care and are interested, they just show it differently (or not at all!). Think they just need some gentle encouragement to show it more .

It's good you's have talked about thingsthough . i can deffo see being at home with all that time to think about things over and over, will play with your mind! and not to mention thehormones! Xx

 

[SunnyGirl]

I am so glad you talked about things and got it out of him. When I first read your post, my initial thought was that was worried about things - men go reeeeally weird when they're worried because they're taught to be a man about it whereas we ladies talk endlessly about problems and sort them socially and cooperatively. Poor men are taught 'boys don't cry' aw. And Bunnykins hit the nail on the head with giving him a project that is all his own - bit like when it's your wedding and they feel all left out cos it's bride this and bride that and they must think 'aw but I am there, too ' it's the same with babies - it all happens to Mummy and she gets all the attention so a) they feel pushed out and b) they can't relate to the physicality of it, it's more abstract to them. I just wish men would spit it out when we ask them lol!!
xxxx

 

[Piglet's Mama]

Hehe, thanks ladies, glad my OH isn't the only odd one!

Men eh? As if we haven't got enough to be thinking about, they have to go and play up too x

 

[scottishlassie]

Sunny you made a perfect point thats about my oh too, they feel pushed out because the mum gets all the attention! I felt a little bad for my oh, because he brought up when we go to see the family, and also other people, they are all asking how i'm getting on, and how things are going, and he doesn't feel like he can say much because its all happening inside me. Aww wee shame! I just try to involve him more so he doesn't feel like its all about me . People don't mean any harm, but i can see his point. And it doesn't help that men bottle things up, and all us women want to do is talk haha great combo xx