How should I be feeling?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by nicki, Mar 15, 2006.

  1. nicki

    nicki Well-Known Member

    Jul 12, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Hi all,

    Sorry in advance this will be quite a long post * not a cheery one! :(

    Some of you may remember that a week before Crimbo my Dad went into hospital with a cancerous tumour on his spine & he stayed there for 5 weeks :shock: he had it opreated on and eventually regained the use of his legs. He's still wearing a chest brace at the mo. to support his back. He had a CT scan done early Jan (I think) & finally got back the results yesterday (think the long delay was down to him changing hospitals)

    Anyway, the Professor at Guildford said my Dad still has a 5" tumour in his back :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: . He had a cancerous kidney removed 10 years ago & the tumour has grown in the vacant space. He had a dose of radiotheraphy at Brighton & now the doc. wants to analyse the scan again & talk to his colleagues about what to do next.

    The thing is as shocked as we all are about it, I just can't help feeling a bit peeved its all happening now (not that its his fault). I have wanted & dreamt about having a baby since forever and feel it should be the happiest time of my life but feel guilty about feeling happy because of my dad & I want to talk baby stuff all the time.

    The likelyhood of him having a another op. around the time of my due date is pretty strong so i'm really torn as to how I should be feeling.
    Also my Mum has been preoccupied with my Dad and will be even more so if he does have another op. so won't be around much when baby does come & i'm not sure how i'll cope with her not being there (i already feel as if this baby is not important enough to her or him & whenever I try and talk about the baby etc she changes the subject & I don't know why, it'll be her 1st Grandchild so I thought she would be a bit more excited). My Mum is also moaning to me all the time about things but she never moans to my brother & it upsets me & drives me mad. I can't help but feel annoyed about it all.

    Am I being really selfish at feeling like this. I guess at the mo. I feel a bit numb & don't know what to do. Its silly I know but I feel really lonely & don't know what to do :( All my friends have busy lives & I don't see them that much ( mainly coz they don't bother or are always cancelling arrangements to meet up)

    Nicki.x :(
  2. Tara & Liam

    Tara & Liam Well-Known Member

    Apr 27, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Hi Nikki

    I have pm you.


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