How much can you really influence gender?

[Emily0505]

There's no reliable way to sway gender through natural conception.

In terms of having a preference over gender, the whole 'as long as baby is healthy it shouldn't matter' is sort of a given! Of course everyone wants a healthy baby!

Gender disappointment is a very real thing but I think people misinterpret it. It's not that you don't want what you have, it's wanting what you don't have.

I had a preference for a daughter and my first born was a boy. I was initially disappointed not to have a daughter but I also felt so wracked with guilt thinking that my son would think I didn't want him. I did want him. I wanted him and loved him with every fibre of my being, more than anything else in this whole world. I wouldn't have changed him for anything. But did I still want a girl, yes. Does that mean I didn't want my son, no.

Having a preference for a certain gender doesn't mean you won't love or want a baby of the opposite gender. Everyone is so quick to villify women who have a preference but the same is never directed as much towards father's who would prefer one or the other.

XX

 

[NatsL]

You know I was so upset when I was told I was having a boy, simply because I thought it would be more challenging and not knowing what to do when changing a nappy and also because I’m girly! Anyway as soon as he came I fell in love and I wouldn’t change anything about him!! I am ttc baby no 2 and I know that regardless of what I have I will love them unconditionally and they will be the most perfect thing I have ever laid my eyes on ❤️😍

 

[Holsf]

I had a son then when I was having a second I just got in my head I was having a girl so when I was told it was another boy yes I did feel a bit disappointed but I would not change it for the world and feel guilty I did feel that way at the time but unfortunately you cannot control your feeling just like people with post natal depression they don’t want to feel the way they do but it happens! If somebody would like a certain sex it is not selfish at all yes they are going to love them no matter what and just hope that they are healthy however to have a preference is absolutely normal. X

 

[Maximus17]

Seriously I would give everything to get pregnant with a healthy baby!!! These people that tryingn to choose a gender are very lucky to get pregnant unlike some people. I think it hurts people like me as I can’t get pregnant let alone choose the gender! But than it’s not their fault as they never suffered from infertility. You never know how it feels unless you are going through it...

 

[chattychar1990]

Seriously I would give everything to get pregnant with a healthy baby!!! These people that tryingn to choose a gender are very lucky to get pregnant unlike some people. I think it hurts people like me as I can’t get pregnant let alone choose the gender! But than it’s not their fault as they never suffered from infertility. You never know how it feels unless you are going through it...

Well said Maximus x

 

[kristenann]

I think healthy is best. Id rather a happy healthy baby then one thats not end of day

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[night owl]

Nothing guarantees you a healthy baby though either unfortunately- you can’t choose whether you get a healthy baby in the same way you can’t really choose the gender - and I know mums of babies with illnesses and disabilities who despise the phrase ‘as long as it’s healthy’ so I never use it - it won’t matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl or healthy or has an illness so the phrase ‘as long as it’s healthy’ doesn’t apply, it will still be loved and wanted - I think that phrase kind of implies only a healthy baby will be wanted - I know people don’t actually mean it in that way but when someone who didn’t have a healthy baby explains how gutting it is to hear other people say that you realise it’s not really the right thing to say - maybe “I don’t mind if it’s a boy or girl” is enough x

 

[Maximus17]

Nothing guarantees you a healthy baby though either unfortunately- you can’t choose whether you get a healthy baby in the same way you can’t really choose the gender - and I know mums of babies with illnesses and disabilities who despise the phrase ‘as long as it’s healthy’ so I never use it - it won’t matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl or healthy or has an illness so the phrase ‘as long as it’s healthy’ doesn’t apply, it will still be loved and wanted - I think that phrase kind of implies only a healthy baby will be wanted - I know people don’t actually mean it in that way but when someone who didn’t have a healthy baby explains how gutting it is to hear other people say that you realise it’s not really the right thing to say - maybe “I don’t mind if it’s a boy or girl” is enough x

wow thats great nighowl, I never thought of it this way. I think it's so hard not to be insensitive , and I am sure I have said things that not very sensitive at all. Best not to take any offence, but than it's hard when you are suffering...
When I got pregnant with my daughter I never ever thought about the gender, I just wanted a baby. I know this relative, she kept saying I just want a girl and I don't care if the baby is disabled or not. She had a girl but was disabled from birth so couldn't walk till she was 7-8 years old and now she can only walk with sticks.

 

[night owl]

Nothing guarantees you a healthy baby though either unfortunately- you can’t choose whether you get a healthy baby in the same way you can’t really choose the gender - and I know mums of babies with illnesses and disabilities who despise the phrase ‘as long as it’s healthy’ so I never use it - it won’t matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl or healthy or has an illness so the phrase ‘as long as it’s healthy’ doesn’t apply, it will still be loved and wanted - I think that phrase kind of implies only a healthy baby will be wanted - I know people don’t actually mean it in that way but when someone who didn’t have a healthy baby explains how gutting it is to hear other people say that you realise it’s not really the right thing to say - maybe “I don’t mind if it’s a boy or girl” is enough x

wow thats great nighowl, I never thought of it this way. I think it's so hard not to be insensitive , and I am sure I have said things that not very sensitive at all. Best not to take any offence, but than it's hard when you are suffering...
When I got pregnant with my daughter I never ever thought about the gender, I just wanted a baby. I know this relative, she kept saying I just want a girl and I don't care if the baby is disabled or not. She had a girl but was disabled from birth so couldn't walk till she was 7-8 years old and now she can only walk with sticks.

I never used to think of it that way either until I had quite a deep conversation with one of my friends who hated the phrase, it just made me see it in a different light, from someone else’s point of view, obviously I desperately hope my baby is healthy as we all just want the best start in life for our loved ones

Don’t be silly maxi I doubt you will have said anything insensitive, and I think you have suffered the last 12 months with what you’re going through nobody could accuse you of having an easy ride and not understanding how hard the whole ttc and pregnancy thing and just desperately wanting a baby can be xx

 

[Maximus17]

Nothing guarantees you a healthy baby though either unfortunately- you can’t choose whether you get a healthy baby in the same way you can’t really choose the gender - and I know mums of babies with illnesses and disabilities who despise the phrase ‘as long as it’s healthy’ so I never use it - it won’t matter whether the baby is a boy or a girl or healthy or has an illness so the phrase ‘as long as it’s healthy’ doesn’t apply, it will still be loved and wanted - I think that phrase kind of implies only a healthy baby will be wanted - I know people don’t actually mean it in that way but when someone who didn’t have a healthy baby explains how gutting it is to hear other people say that you realise it’s not really the right thing to say - maybe “I don’t mind if it’s a boy or girl” is enough x

wow thats great nighowl, I never thought of it this way. I think it's so hard not to be insensitive , and I am sure I have said things that not very sensitive at all. Best not to take any offence, but than it's hard when you are suffering...
When I got pregnant with my daughter I never ever thought about the gender, I just wanted a baby. I know this relative, she kept saying I just want a girl and I don't care if the baby is disabled or not. She had a girl but was disabled from birth so couldn't walk till she was 7-8 years old and now she can only walk with sticks.

I never used to think of it that way either until I had quite a deep conversation with one of my friends who hated the phrase, it just made me see it in a different light, from someone else’s point of view, obviously I desperately hope my baby is healthy as we all just want the best start in life for our loved ones

Don’t be silly maxi I doubt you will have said anything insensitive, and I think you have suffered the last 12 months with what you’re going through nobody could accuse you of having an easy ride and not understanding how hard the whole ttc and pregnancy thing and just desperately wanting a baby can be xx

yes its soooo hard this infertility, I really really hope one day we all get our babies x