I hate to say what im about to say as i hate myself for thinkin it, nov 2004, i had a breech baby that had to planned section in the end and i was knocked out for it, when i come to, i just remember looking at him with hatred, i hated him, yes i smiled in the pics as i didnt want to show it but inside i wanted to cry i hated him and and this bit ill never ever ever forgive myself for, i wanted him dead 
im not proud of it in fact i raelly hate myself for it. Took me a week to kiss him then i felt love for him and since that week i have never felt like this. I thought of all the pain and discomfort i was in and i didnt really know he was mine and i just hated him.
Homebirth 2006, i gave birth VBAC natural means with just gas and air, straight away i felt that love i felt like id acheived somethink and well it was love, right then.
Which makes me even sadder to think about that week i hated Duncan , its not nice to think back to then and i get very tearful because i hate myself for it.
xx
im not proud of it in fact i raelly hate myself for it. Took me a week to kiss him then i felt love for him and since that week i have never felt like this. I thought of all the pain and discomfort i was in and i didnt really know he was mine and i just hated him.Homebirth 2006, i gave birth VBAC natural means with just gas and air, straight away i felt that love i felt like id acheived somethink and well it was love, right then.
Which makes me even sadder to think about that week i hated Duncan , its not nice to think back to then and i get very tearful because i hate myself for it.
xx
