help

[lynne_n]

I have problems with anxiety and this makes me very paranoid especially about my OH.

However, i no longer think i am being paranoid about the situation.
My OH is 'just best friends' with this girl. They txt all day and private msg each other all the time on facebook. My OH talks about me all the time and tells this girl he loves her and wishes he had left me before i fell pregnant again. Now she has left a msg on his wall where she has called him baby!!!
He has a password on his phone that i don't know and i know all his internet passwords except for his facebook. I know i shouldn't be looking at his private mail but i feel he shouldn't be giving me a reason to want to look.
I was hoping this was just an angry (and immature) reaction to me keeping this baby.. we had spoke before i fell pregnant and had come to the decision that i we would not have any more children. I just couldn't have an abortion and the fact that i even thought about doing it is crushing me. He is totally ignoring this pregnancy and has said he'll talk about it when he can feel the baby move etc... I know when the baby gets here he will love it and care for it.
The only reason i have not confronted him about this so far is because i am terrified of being a single mum again.. i just don't think i could cope with 3 kids by myself. I nearly lost my daughter when i was 18 due to massive pnd and being a single parent...

We split up in about July last year and he slept with someone else (who he still talks to) however during this split he never even stopped sleeping in our bed and we properly got back together about the start of February.. he apologised and said he felt really guilty about hurting me so much. i feel so stupid for believing he wouldn't hurt me again.

I don't know what i am meant to do.. the current plan is to carry on as normal until after the baby is born and is a bit older, when i feel a bit stronger within myself and then tell him to leave. I don't think this is a good plan but i can't talk to him about things incase i end up having to deal with a 7 year old, toddler and baby all by myself.

 

[Maria1977]

I'm sorry to hear of your situation, and sorry that I can't really offer any advice.

My OHs best mate is a female and I found this really hard to deal with at first, esp when I was pregnant I felt I had competition for some reason, was totally threatened by it, but as I got to know her more I really really like her and her whole family and I can totally see why he is best friends with her. I don't think my situation sounds the same as yours other than that though. Expect I think alot of men don't appreciate that our world changes the moment we conceive, not when the baby is in our arms!!

Just remember that all children will pick up on an atmosphere so staying together for the time being if you don't really want to be there will defo have an effect on them.

I hope that maybe if you both talk he will be a bit more considerate of your feelings, and how you being stressed isn't good for the baby coz whether he likes it or not a baby is on the way xxxxxx big hugs xxxxxx

 

[suzzi]

im totally parinoid about my OH x he went out witha friend who was a women who i dont know only that shes single and was out till 2 in the morning at a club and then went miles and miles out his way in a taxi to drop her off at home!!! i went ballistic as i only found this out after the event and all sorts still go round my head i was pregnant at the time but didnt know xx he assures me nothing went on but im not sure i beleive him x x so i really sympathise with you it is so hard especially when your prgnant and your homones are all over the place x

 

[Bexybun]

Hi Lynne,

I don't often talk about this, but my OH cheated on me about a year ago. I chose to forgive him, which I never thought I would be able to do (I have severe anxiety issues which case bad paranoia and jealousy), but I weighed up how I felt about what he did vs what we had, including his relationship with my daughter, and decided to stay. It was the right decision for us, but only because he has worked his damnedest to make right what he did. He's not at all a manly man (most people think he's gay when they first meet him, lol), and has no close male friends- any new friends he makes at work etc are always women. This has always been a problem for me, especially as the woman he cheated with was a work friend (the bitch)(not that I'm bitter ). But since he confessed, he's been much more considerate of my feelings re time spent with his girl mates, talking to them on facebook or text, etc. And I know if there was a girl who I felt uncomfortable about him being friends with, he would respect my feelings and not see her.

The reason I mention this is because, and I don't mean to offend you, but your OH honestly doesn't sound like he cares what he has done to you in the past, or how you feel now. He still talks to the woman he cheated with? That seems extremely disrespectful. And if he really felt so guilty and sorry for what he's done to hurt you in the past, I would have thought he would be more considerate of your feelings re his best friend. I'm not impressed with her calling him cutesy names either tbh, but obviously he can't control that- he can only control his behaviour.

With regards to leaving him, I understand why you feel you can't right now- it is daunting enough being a single mother to one (been there, not always roses I know), let alone three. Although I will say I have one friend who finally left her husband after an eight-year abusive relationship, and even though she's now alone with four kids and it has been the hardest thing she's ever done, she says every day it was the very best thing for her and her children. Bad relationships affect them just as much as the parents, and if he's making you miserable, motherhood will be ten times harder for you. Although I feel that staying with him until baby is bigger will just make things harder for you in the long run, I understand that closing the door on a huge part of your life is terrifying. You have to do what's right for you, and weigh up what is left of your relationship vs what you've been put through by him, and what's best for all concerned.

I wish you so many hugs, and if you ever need to talk you can always pm me. I do understand how you feel. xxx