Its me isn't it? :(

[emmyloves]

Well where do I start, I'm 36 weeks and 7 days pregnant. I found out I was pregnant last November a month after me and the father split up, it was unexpected and unplanned. I’ve had a few complications with the pregnancy,
At 20 weeks I found out I was having a baby boy and I've named him Joshua.

I feel like the father is messing me around, last night I found out why he don't wanna be involved in the baby's life and now I can't help but feel upset and angry for Josh's sake really. I was crying last night because of it, I was in a right state he said he wants to stay uninvolved for Joshua's safety. he doesn't want Josh being around his bad behaviors. He has a lot of mental health problems such as self harm, his been in and out of psychiatric wards, he's had problems with drink and drugs - I don't know if he still does but I know he does with self harm, its not as bad but sometimes he burns himself and I know that he hears voices still. He has kind of sorted his life out now, he moved out of his mums (who wasn't making life any easier with her problems) moved in with his sister, got a job as a chef which he loves and got a moped which his always dream't of having. His not getting any help because he don't see the point.

Maybe he's right and his doing the sensible thing to stay away for Joshua's safety but he isn't a harm to him, if he was I would do everything to keep him away but he isn't, he lives with a baby for christ sake at his sisters, meh I don't know, its just me overacting I guess. so confused right now, I feel bad for Josh, I really want Josh to know his father, I know the fathers situation sounds bad but I know his a good person really.

I've had other times wheres his been scared if I lose the baby because of my complications and one time he phoned me about 10 times to say he wants to get to know his son and wants to be involved and that his thought about it all. Another time hes said to me that I shouldn't be afraid to ask for money and he wants to help out as much as he can but these are rare moments and are probably on his positive days when he's not feeling low, I don't know. Most of the time though I try and talk about it with him and he avoids or changes the subject (he normally does this if he don't want to speak about a situation) so its like talking to a brick wall or its a ''I don't know em".

I've brought everything he hasn't brought a single thing, I've got me a house and everything, he said I should ask him for money and when I ask him to just buy me a pushchair because i have brought everything else he said he cant afford it when hes a head chef and said to me I shouldn't be afraid to ask for money. I just don't get it unless I'm missing something or I'm doing something wrong. :S

I just want all this to stop between me and the father, I just want it all sorted before Joshua's here because its not long now. I just don't want him messing Josh around, I don't want him to think he can come and go as he pleases in and out of Joshua's life because it seems he changes his mind like the whether depending on his mood. I've tried so hard and so many times to sit him down and for us to discuss if he wants to play his part or not but I never get a straight answer and its so frustrating as i said he just avoids or changes the subject. He can mess me about all he wants, he can beat me, hurt my feelings etc.. but I just don't want him messing Joshua around - that's the last thing i want or maybe i'm just being to hard on him.

Sometimes I just want to tell him to never contact me again so all this can stop but i never have the guts to, i still love him and all that and for Joshua's sake I guess. I haven't really enjoyed this pregnancy because of all this and all my hospital trips have been brought on by stress because of him - it sounds like i'm blaming him, maybe I am, I don't know. lol r:/

I guess i just want him to step up and be a man really. lol!

Sorry to bore you all with this, I know its long, just I don't know what to do anymore, probably me just being stupid.

Loves. xxx

 

[MrsCow]

Hello lovely, you poor thing!

Men are idiots arent they? If it was me I would expect him not to be in Joshs life and prepare to do this by myself. If he then decides to " man up ", then great, you can think again. But at the mo, youre priority is yourself and bubs. You need to look after yourself and prepare to give birth. Its not doing you any good running round after him, asking for money, support etc. I reckon if you take a step back, igt may wake him up! As it is at the mo, he seems to be getting alot of attention from you and everyone else. That maybe key?

Step back and stop fussing round him, I bet he comes running, but the ball should be in ur court and you can decide if that is really what YOU want.

Good luck and wish you well xxx

 

[stacey_lea86]

Didn't want to read and run. Just sending you a big hug & hope everything goes the way you want it too xxx

 

[Xcitedmum]

I am sorry that you are in this situation

I agree with MrsCow, you need to put yourself first and prepare for the birth.

You say you know your OH still self harms and hears voices, this makes me think that your OH is right to tell you he wants to stay away - at least until he gets himself sorted out? He is attempting to put you and Joshua first by telling you what exactly is going on with him, is he receiving any treatment for his problems?

I really hope everything works out for you, like you say, he is a good person but there is nothing wrong with putting yourself and Joshua first for a while until your OH is in a place where he has more good days than bad, which may eventually lead to him feeling that he can be around Joshua and give fatherhood the best effort that it deserves x

 

[longingforabump]

I am sorry that you are in this situation

I agree with MrsCow, you need to put yourself first and prepare for the birth.

You say you know your OH still self harms and hears voices, this makes me think that your OH is right to tell you he wants to stay away - at least until he gets himself sorted out? He is attempting to put you and Joshua first by telling you what exactly is going on with him, is he receiving any treatment for his problems?

I really hope everything works out for you, like you say, he is a good person but there is nothing wrong with putting yourself and Joshua first for a while until your OH is in a place where he has more good days than bad, which may eventually lead to him feeling that he can be around Joshua and give fatherhood the best effort that it deserves x

I agree with both these ladies.

You have been strong and worked through complications and seem devoted to your baby. Keep being strong my lovely, you're doing great

 

[emmyloves]

I am sorry that you are in this situation

I agree with MrsCow, you need to put yourself first and prepare for the birth.

You say you know your OH still self harms and hears voices, this makes me think that your OH is right to tell you he wants to stay away - at least until he gets himself sorted out? He is attempting to put you and Joshua first by telling you what exactly is going on with him, is he receiving any treatment for his problems?

I really hope everything works out for you, like you say, he is a good person but there is nothing wrong with putting yourself and Joshua first for a while until your OH is in a place where he has more good days than bad, which may eventually lead to him feeling that he can be around Joshua and give fatherhood the best effort that it deserves x

I took all your advise and i think its paying off as he keeps ringing and texting me nearly every night but i'm not answering him, i'm blanking him completely he only wants to know if i'm ok and texting usual sexual stuff lol! but if i start talking to him again i'll start falling in his trap and i'll be chasing after him again. I'll only speak to him if its about the baby.

He's not receiving any treatment for his problems he tried to get help but adult mental health services are rubbish but when they do offer him help he turned it down but he's in a better place then when he was a few months back now hes got a job and everything.