Gutted

[H16]

Since my mc a week and half ago me and my OH keep falling out. Today is the second time since I mc'd that he said he wants to split up and I should leave.

The first time we had a horrible horrible row about how I'm apparently ungrateful for everything he does for me etc and he told me to get out and move back home (I'm not from the area). I went out as I was upset and an hour later he txt me asking where I was so I went home and he apologised and we got back on track. He starts telling me I'm his best friend and his soulmate etc then last night he went mental at me for something ridiculous and this morn again he told me he is really unhappy and doesn't want to be with me etc etc.

I don't understand how he can keep going from telling me to leave to saying I'm the one to telling me to leave again.

All I can guess is that he is having a hard time due to the mc and so is trying to cause a row over silly things as a way to vent his anger. He refuses to talk about the mc and says we can't sit around crying about it and must move on.

If I get upset about it he goes mad at me so I feel I can't grieve properly. If I start crying & then hear him come home I run into the bathroom and wash my face so he doesn't know I was crying. I'm not coping well, I keep having suicidal thoughts and asked for counselling and was told I have to refer myself.

I love him to bits and I'm terrified of losing him expecially after the mc as it made me realise how much I want a family with him. I don't know what to do.

He keeps pushing me away and shutting me out and this is making me more and more depressed as I feel I have no-one to turn to. I have spoken to my mum about the mc as she experienced quite a lot of mc's herself but what I really need is hug from my OH and the ability to talk through our feelings together.

I don't know what to do. I sat here and packed my suitcase this morning as he told me to move out and not be here when he gets home but I don't want to leave. I feel like I'm all alone.

 

[abilouise]

Im sorry about your mmc, that happened to me three months ago baby stopped growing at 8wks found out at 12week scan, currently have a blighted ovum and getting d&c tomorrow. its awful, he should be supporting you not making you feel worse. Im not the greatest person to give advice sorry, my partner has his good days then horrible days when he tells me he is leaving and doesnt want to be with me. I hope you sort everything out xx

 

[VikkiR]

I'm not one for advocating counselling but I think you may want to think about it, your oh as well. Sometimes men feel they have to be strong yet don't know what to do with their feelings. I'm so sorry for your loss xx

 

[Mrsstuart01]

So sorry to hear that. What a lot you have to cope with all at once.
It sounds like the issue is that he won't talk so he's bottling things up and taking it out on you. My husband used to do this and 2 years after we were married we were at the staff where we argued all the time, didn't speak and he had such black moods I think he was bordering on depression! We went to see a counsellor and it was the best thing we ever did. We went for 6 weeks and have never looked back. We have just celebrated our 5th anniversary and had a baby. When you are talking to an unconnected 3rd party it's so much easier to talk and not place blame!
If you think he wont go (as my husband said he wouldn't) why not book it and say you are going and you really hope he will too and give him time to come round to it.
I hope you manage to get back on track together. Xx

 

[H16]

Well he came home from work last night and apologised for his behaviour. He said as this is the first time he has ever lived with someone he is just finding it hard to adjust to being together all the time. Especially as with everything thats gone on with the pregnancy and mc and needing thinking space to deal with stuff.

Tried to speak to him about mc last night and he said he is not the kind of person who likes to talk about tragic events. He feels dwelling on it will not help him deal with things so he prefers to accept it happened and move on as thats how he copes.

He said he was devastated about it and although he will never forget it he is no longer actively upset about it and just wants to concentrate on having a stress free time (he has had a number of massive things happen in the last 5 months which have made him very stressed so can see his point).
I am dying to try to conceive again as I want a family with him so much and now I am 27 my body clock is really ticking away in my ear. I'm too scared to mention this again now though due to him saying he needs some stress free time. Think I will have to leave ttc for now and maybe bring it up again in a few months when things are back on track. Gutted but I want my relationship to last forever so I don't want to push him and break things. I can see how stressed out he is at the moment so think a bit of fun couple time will do us good.

If this is his coping mechanism in regards to mc though that is fine but it makes me feel that I am not able to mention it to him. He did ask me if I wanted to talk about it several times last night but I just feel due to his attitude on the matter that me expressing my feelings (which for me is still v.raw pain) will cause an argument. So I think my best option is to go ahead with counselling so I feel I have an outlet elsewhere. I have support from family and friends but I don't really want to discuss intimate relationship feelings with them.