he has cheated on me :(

[princessumama]

i have come on here tonight because i feel so lonely and lost.

i am 14 wks + 2 days pregnant, it is my third baby. my other two arent my current partners, but the baby im carrying is. last night i found out that he has cheated on me, well i read messages on his facebook inbox between him and various girls...what has hurt me the most is that one of them was sent the same day we had a scan in early pregnancy because i had a bleed, the latest was sent only 2 days ago. he says that he didnt actually do anything with these girls but it doesnt look that way.

i love him so much i feel pathetic, all i want is to be happy and have a 'proper' family that i havent had with my other 2, i really thought he was the one and he has done this to me. i feel betrayed, ugly, ashamed, and the thing that has hurt me the most is all the lies. how can he know i am carrying his child and look me in the eye and tell me he loves me whilst knowing that he has been making a fool of me behind my back.
i just feel so lonely.

 

[karenandbump]

Aw hon...how awful....have u spoken to him about it?
So, so sorry ur going through this. Please don't blame urself. xxxx
Big hugs xxxx

 

[princessumama]

thankyou for answering me. i feel like its my fault because i dont feel so much like sex at the moment, and because my body is changing with the pregnancy. i thought he would love me more for giving him a child but he has done this.
i have been speaking to him all day, he just says that it was just messages and nothing actually happened he was just fooling around on there. i dont know what to believe i just feel so betrayed. im too ashamed to tell my friends x

 

[MrsR]

Aw babe! Big hugs! You're not ugly but I understand why he has made you feel that way! My daughter isn't my OH's biologically and before I met him I was with a man who left me every 3 months. It happened with such frequency I could time it down to the day! Eventually I managed to get the courage up to leave him, finally recognising that it was his loss, not mine! How long have you been together? I'm not suggesting you leave him but could you take some time apart? I think the questions you really have to ask are can you forgive him and will he do it again? My heart goes out to you. When I was with my ex I fell pregnant and we got engaged, unfortunatly I lost the baby but when he did it again something snapped in me and I ended it for good. No matter what happens with you and him I'm sure you'll work hard to be great parents! Sit down together and talk talk talk. Pretending it never happened will make things worse. No matter what you are NOT alone. There's some great girls and guys on here who will be more than happy to help! I wish you all the best!

 

[karenandbump]

Aw hon.....pregnancy is tough on u physically and emotionally so please, please don't blame urself. If he has cheated when ur carrying his baby then tbh he's a total dick!!!! I would def try to talk it through properly tho - only u can decide if u believe him and that even if u do, whether u r ok about the messages but try to make sure u have the facts before u make any decisions xxxx

 

[princessumama]

thankyou helen and karen for your kind words. we have been together for just over a year, i have a 22 month old from a previous partner, that was a very bad and violent relationship, when i plucked up the courage to leave him i met gareth my current partner. i fell for him straight away and i love him so much even now, i cant help but love him. when i met him he was a plumber but then the recession hit and as he is self employed business slowed down a lot. so...to make ends meet he started working on the doors as a bouncer. basically the girls hes been messaging are bar staff from the club, random fit girls who go to the club and add him...its like he is living up to the sleazy bouncer image.
his mam died when he was a baby and he was so happy when i said i was pregnant, because he wants to give a child what he didnt have (he said) and now i just feel sick. the messages are pretty bad, in one of them hes asking a girl " is your friend with dark hair coming with you next time" "how serious is her relationship?" another one to a different girl say dont be sad ill come and cheer you up another one says oh im good in bed. text you now. i cant stop thinking about it x

 

[titch]

hun whether he has done anything with these girls or not, it doesnt change the way it feels, at the end of the day the contents of those messages were enough to make you feel betrayed, then he HAS betrayed you. I know how you feel, an ex did this to me, but I wasnt dealing with pregnancy at the same time, so I can only imagine how you feel right now

Please please please dont feel ashamed or ugly or any of those things. This isnt your fault. Your OH has behaved so badly, and what a terrible time for him to do it. He should be feeling more than ashamed.

Take all the time and space you need, and really think about whether you can forgive him and move on, if you're going to struggle to trust him again you need to tell him, you call the shots. If it means him not using facebook anymore to make you feel more confident then lay your cards on the table, don't just ignore it and carry on, there's nothing worse than living with paranoia in a relationship

I really hope you feel better soon

 

[Sam's Mum]

I'm so sorry he's done this to you And even if nothing did physically happen with these girls it doesn't make it any better or less wrong. Some men who wouldn't ever cheat physically do things like this because they love the boost to their self esteem that they get out of it, without even considering the fact that it couldn't completely destroy any trust that their partner had in them. He needs to realise how he's made you feel and that you're not just going to forget about it and carry on as things were before. You obviously don't want to lose him but if you do want to work things out and stay together you could mayve suggest some time apart as Helen suggested, for you both to think about things and for you to be sure what you really want. I'd also tell him that he has a hell of a lot of work ahead of him if he's ever going to regain your trust x

 

[karenandbump]

I totally agree with the girls - for me the messages would be a deal-breaker - only u can decide what it would take to make things work hon and the girls r right - i'd be telling him that facebook was gone! xxx

 

[princessumama]

i wish he could see how much it hurts. thanks everyone who has taken the time to reply to me, im going to try and go to sleep now i didnt sleep at all last night i was crying all night, thats not good for my baby thankyou again for all of you kindness and support xxx

 

[titch]

I hope you get some sleep tonight we're here whenever you need to vent!

 

[karenandbump]

Sleep well hon - we're here if u need us xxx

 

[Sam's Mum]

Hope you get some sleep

 

[ema-lou24]

oh huni im so sorry he has done this to you, hes a meanie!! no matter how much you try, those messages will always stick in your head, ive been there and done that.
my ex was a bouncer too, i found out after 2 years together and a miscarriage that he was still txting and sleeping with his ex wife and also asking girls at the door for some "pleasure".....we did split.

i really hope you can find it in your heart to do whats best for you hun....take all the time you need.

we are all here for you hun x

 

[becks20]

I would explain to him that you think them messages mean more then what hes saying they mean, if i was you i would get out of that relationship, if he loves you then he would d everything to get you back. My ex cheated alot on me and we was together nearly 4years and i didnt find out till the end of the relationship and i loved him and it was really hard as we have a daughter together but i got over it and after 8months i met my current BF and everything is so different i no he would do anything not to lose me.

Because your pregnant and gone off sex doesnt give him an excuse to cheat! If all men done that then where would we be i think all women lose there sex drive when they get pregnant.

Good luck hun and i hope you make the right decision x

 

[MrsR]

How are you feeling today?

 

[x-misspinkuk-x]

oh hun im so sorry his made you feel this way. why is it thatsome man do stuff and think us woman will think its okay or think nothing of it

i knew what its like to see messages hun, i really do. and it sticks in your mind and you just feel like crap. but the thing is your NOT crap and your NOT ugly!

you need to have a proper talk and tell him how his made you feel and that you think there is more to the story! - ask him how would it make him feel if you had done what he did!
i really hope that you get thing sorted sweetie and do what is right for you and baby!
xxxxxx

 

[Bead]

So sorry to hear you're going this <shakes fist angrilly at this nasty man!>
Even if he's being honest with you and nothing 'more' has happened, he has been disloyal and unfaithful to you by acting this way.
You sound like a lovely, caring person and you deserve to be treated better than this - with love and respect.
Only you can decide what your next steps should be, but you have lots of support here!
Hugs Xx

 

[charlene09]

Aww hun I'm so sorry , I can't put myself into your shoes as I have never experienced this but reading this post has made me so angry how heartless someone can be.
I know its not the best thing to say now but try and get on with your life with your 2 LO's and just put your chin in the air and think I am a better person than this , I am going to look after my children and not dwell on him.
Just think positive hun, you have a little baby inside you and you dont want to be stressing him/her out
We are all here if you need us

 

[princessumama]

hello everyone. thankyou all for being so kind. loads more has happend i dont know what to do. i love him so much but he is clearly ripping the p*ss out of me. its mothers day today and im not with either of my children, im too much of a mess to take care of them. i feel like such a failiure i dont know what to do or where to turn.