Gender scan Monday - just thrown up!!!

[cosmicgirl]

Thanks Simone, that's kind of you xxx

 

[Simoneh00]

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[kedi376]

I just fail to have sympathy in this situation, sorry. Your baby is healthy?! That's surely more important than whether it's a boy or girl. Sorry to be harsh, just my opinion x

I don't think Cos was looking for sympathy.

I fail to understand why people feel the need to make negative comments, whether it's their opinion or not. If you don't like the detail of the thread then move on.

 

[Cherry.Glitter]

Can I just add that I am so proud of you cos! For having the balls to seek help and to talk so openly about how you feel. I seriously hope that one day I can be half the woman that you are. Fuck the people who try to put you down, you have the right to feel however the hell you want. How any of these people come to such conclusions without feeling your pain is beyond me. I feel honoured to have been a part of your experience.

Glad youre feeling a little better. I will remove myself from your arse now

 

[cosmicgirl]

Thanks kedi, you're completely right, I am in no way looking for sympathy. Thanks for your kind comments xxx

 

[cosmicgirl]

Lol thanks cherry, that's a lovely post.
I don't feel brave but thank you, I'm just too honest for my own good.
A lovely post none the less xxx

 

[Froslass]

Cos everything I wanna say has already been said, but i think your fantastically courageous x

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[cosmicgirl]

Thank you froslass, thats lovely xx

You're all so kind and supportive, it means everything to me that you can all be so supportive and I owe my strength to everyone of you that has helped me see my sunshine through the clouds.
I will be always grateful to all of you, thank you xxxxx

 

[Gayle30]

Some times words fail me, some people maybe just don't think before they type! Lots of love to you xx

 

[cosmicgirl]

Thanks Gayle xx
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I'm made of tough stuff xxx

 

[Emily0505]

I agree that everyone should be and is entitled to their own opinion, but with a sensitive and highly emotive subject such as this, there are other ways of putting your point across whilst still taking other people's feelings into account. I don't think people are being intentionally mean (at least I hope not) but perhaps could think a little more carefully about how they put across their opinions.

XX

 

[cosmicgirl]

Thanks Emily, I hope there isn't any meaness intended, I'm sure there isn't xxx

 

[Emily0505]

I don't think there is either. I think it I just a subject that some find very difficult to understand.

I was disappointed initially when I found out I was expecting a boy as I really wanted a little girl and I ended up in tears after the scan, not due to the disappointment but the guilt of feeling disappointed in the first place. I know our situations are very different as this is my first and I got over my feelings by the next morning but I have an idea of how you feel. I guess for others it's just a very difficult concept to grasp.

Hope you are doing better though hun

XX

 

[cosmicgirl]

Thanks hun, I'm doing a lot better xxx

 

[Hope81]

I don't blame people really for other than
Not just ignoring the thread rather than giving negative comments.

Understanding that you are not sad for what you have but for what you can't have is sth that you need real open mind to get it and at some degree some emotional maturity and intelligence.
Lots of people are ready to give up their dreams and settle with lower standards but that's not for everyone really. ( talking generally in life don't jump on me that a boy is lowered standard than a girl or sth...)
I have dreams for my life and I would grieve the same for a dream that will never come true. And yes I am not ready to abandon my dream just yet with the idea that I should be grateful for what I have and shut up...
It's not what we have, we are eternally grateful for what we have, it's about not having a chance to a dream that we cant come in terms with it...
Yes it needs some emotional maturity and education to actually get it right rather than superficially judge it...

 

[JJ Mum]

Oh Cosmic , I have only just seen and read this thread - I'm so sorry I was not hear for you when you needed support - sending you a huge hug today , for you princess dream , I do understand.

I would never judge you, I have 3 boys , but do have a girl so t's not the same, but surely anyone can put myself in your shoes and without a daughter feel I would too always have that longing to be filled. This doesn't change the love for all my kids, I didn't ever care what they were , but think deep down with number 3 (the girl), I convinced myself she was also a boy so well as I didn't want to feel guilty with disapointment on the birth day, that actually when I got my lovely girl, a little peice of me felt sad that the little boy i'd imaginarily bonded with , named Devon, was not also there, if that makes sense. This all caused the longing for my 3rd boy 9 years later , who arrived and is now called Devon! So in a funny reverse way, its the same sort of thing, even tho I had boys already, the mind can cause us more harm sometimes.

I feel very annoyed that the odd person cannot try to put themselves in your shoes, and just try for one moment to imagine to feel as you do right now. Its not a question of your love for your son, which by the time he is born will of course naturally be there ready and waiting for him. (If nothing nice to say - then don't say it!!)

Maybee if your not ready to look at thescreen during 20 week scan, I would think about booking a late private scan , so you and hubby can start bonding with little man before birth rather than just on the day, it would be really useful for you both.

I'm so pleased you were able to talk to the counciler , she really helped you, keep that up if you can, to prevent slipping back any steps, and your right to take a day at a time, that's the way to do it, to slowly take some control back over how you feel and coping each day.

Don't feel guilty, feelings are funny things, they are there whether you wanted them to be or not. You have been so brave and honest with us, and have said it like it is from the start, which I love, how can you beneift from good old PF daily chat therapy if your not trueful!!

We will support you hun XX (oh and I love you little mans piccys, so detailed, the little Cosmic pickle, see he's causing you trouble already, boys - love em).. JJ

 

[cosmicgirl]

Thank you so much hope and jj's mum.
I'm not ready to give up on this dream just yet, that is giving me strength.
I hope to feel 19999 times better by the end of may (when my 20 week scan would be due) but if not, a private scan is a good idea xxx

 

[Lynds77]

Cos, can I be blunt and ask you a hard question? I have not commented on this thread before as I have not been sure how I feel about it.
i understand your wish for a girl after having so many boys. And I also understand that this baby was probably only made in the hope that it was a girl, and that in some way you resent it that is isnt a girl, and that is what upsets you, because you dont want to feel that way about a little baby. I hope I have understood that part of it.
I also understand that you want the relationship you and your Mum had, and you are grieving for the little girl you have always dreamt of but now will never have. I totally get all that.

but the thing that bothers me, and maybe some other people that have not read through all of this thread, and I hope you dont mind my bluntness here is that it seems that this baby just doesnt matter anymore? All your tickers have been removed, you have cancelled your 16 week midwife appointment, etc etc.
that is the only thing that I dont really understand. Is that part of GD and what you are currently working through, or is that just how you feel at the mo?

I know once baby is here you will love him just as much as your other boys.

sorry, thats a few questions isnt it. x

 

[JJ Mum]

Hi Cosmic - just pming you a site I found totally on gender dispointment, you really not alone, they also have specific forums on this topic, maybee it would help to talk it through with others in the same boat as you ? just a thought, JJ

 

[Lynds77]

JJ can you put the link on here? just so the ignorant among us (me included) that had never heard of GD before can maybe have a look at get a better understanding of what poor Cos and others are going through?