Fuming!

[Karate Kid]

I am absolutely fuming…. At the weekend my MIL made Sri Lankan iced coffee for my nieces Baptism party, both hubby and I adore it but it is normally laced with alcohol. My MIL was serving it to everyone and she handed me a glass, I declined and politely said ‘I will share with hubby as it has alcohol in it’…. She barked back at me ‘There is no alcohol in it’.

Well I was speaking to my mum last night on the phone and we were talking about the ice coffee and mum said ‘The iced coffee was lovely, but I know how strict you are with alcohol so I am guessing you didn’t get to enjoy it’…. Long story short my mum said there was definitely alcohol in the iced coffee and she could taste the alcohol, I thought I could too but I naively went along with what my MIL said and had about three glasses. I never in a million years thought she would lie about it.

Now I know I probably didn’t drink enough to cause LO any harm but even pre-pregnancy I hardly drank alcohol and I am more hurt that she would lie to me about it. I have nothing against those who choose to drink a few glasses of something during pregnancy but at least they have made an informed choice.

To top it off as usual my husband who is a mummy’s boy doesn’t see the much of an issue with it…. He said he that there is no point in talking to his mum because she is not going to own up to it. I didn’t want to stress him out because he was preparing for a big presentation.

I know my MIL is the interfering type and she has an opinion on everything, I know she thinks I have stolen her son away and she is annoyed because we live SO far away from them (all of 1 hours’ drive). My life would be a lot easier if hubby understood that LO and I are slightly more important than mummy dearest now.

I am just so angry and hurt…. Sorry for the pointless thread I just needed to rant.

xx

 

[SARAHSTAR]

That's awful! You would have thought she would have had her grandchilds best interests too wouldn't you? x I'm not surprised your angry hun x

 

[jules84]

i would be fuming too xx

 

[Sarah7]

That's awful! Not surprised you're angry about it, I'd be so annoyed. You'd think she'd want you and her grandchild to be as healthy as possible, and above that she ought to respect you're wishes. I'd definitely be fuming too x

 

[FirstBabyEek]

Me too, I'd be livid. Its NOT her life and its not her right to make that decision for you. Your instincts were right and she misled you.

There is likely to be no harm done, but thats not the point. I understand how you feel about pushing the point with your husband, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

How did your Mum feel about her lying to you, its her grandchild too? Is it possible next time that you are all together that she could drop it into conversation with your MIL whilst you are present so that the issue could be discussed further?

If not and discussing it with your DH will cause further upset I'd be tempted to let it go, but just be incredibly cautious in the future and when your LO is here mark your territory, but in a graceful way.

Your hubby will understand, more so when your LO arrives. Its your little family now, not hers.

So sorry you are in this awkward situation, will be praying for peace xxx

 

[Amylize]

WHY LIE?! Everybody has the right to choose whether to have tipple or not throughout pregnancy, but it does sound like your going to have a llot of trouble with her when your LO is here Karate Kid... Your hubby does need to realise you and baby come first now

x

 

[elisesmum]

That is awful, i would be fuming, why would someone be so idiotic and give a pregnant women alcohol when she clearly is being responible and avoiding it... If it was my oh i wouldnt care how much of a mummys boy he is i would certainly go hormonal on him and make sure she knows she has been out of order!! Xx

 

[coco_cukoo]

I'd be very angry too. I always get offered a drink by MIL's boyfriend and I get angry at just that. Just cos they enjoy a drink doesn't mean to say I do & especially not when pregnant! Your MIL should respect your wishes & not want any harm for you & LO. Flipping MIL's are a nightmare grrrr!!!! I would make my OH say something, he's pretty good like that but it does cause arguments for weeks because she thinks she's always right!! Xx

 

[Karate Kid]

Me too, I'd be livid. Its NOT her life and its not her right to make that decision for you. Your instincts were right and she misled you.

There is likely to be no harm done, but thats not the point. I understand how you feel about pushing the point with your husband, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

How did your Mum feel about her lying to you, its her grandchild too? Is it possible next time that you are all together that she could drop it into conversation with your MIL whilst you are present so that the issue could be discussed further?

If not and discussing it with your DH will cause further upset I'd be tempted to let it go, but just be incredibly cautious in the future and when your LO is here mark your territory, but in a graceful way.

Your hubby will understand, more so when your LO arrives. Its your little family now, not hers.

So sorry you are in this awkward situation, will be praying for peace xxx

My point exactly Hun, I don’t expect anyone to mislead me when I already feel so vulnerable but the fact that it was her makes it even worse!

I think my mum was pretty annoyed, she understands my relationship with alcohol (my biological mother was apparently an alcoholic, the thought that I was most probably a drunken mistake has put me off alcohol for life). My MIL doesn’t know any about my biological mother but she doesn’t need to know!

Without a doubt I will be speaking to hubby about this further as soon as work calms down for him. He is usually brilliant and understand that his family are difficult to cope with. If I make it clear that I feel hurt he will speak to her.

My MIL will always be interfering but that doesn’t mean I have to accept everything she does.

Thank you for the understanding.

xx

 

[Karate Kid]

Thanks Ladies I feel less like a hormonal madam now!

Coco, MILs are a nightmare and when hubby says anything to her she has a hissy fit and doesn't talk to us for a few weeks (in my books that is not a bad thing), I know it upsets hubby though.

On the plus side my oven is spotless because it was used as my emotional punch bag and my steam cleaner did me proud.... I avoided my trusted oven pride for once because of the fumes! xx

 

[FirstBabyEek]

On the plus side my oven is spotless because it was used as my emotional punch bag and my steam cleaner did me proud.... I avoided my trusted oven pride for once because of the fumes! xx

This really made me chuckle! If you have any more issues you need to work out, feel free to come to my place and give mine a good go! xxx

 

[Jayjay027]

Sorry I'm only seeing this thread now, but omg that is not on!! I can't believe ur MIL would deceive you like that and knowingly put u and ur baby at risk!

I think u have the right idea though about speaking to ur husband about it. I couldn't let something like that go!
I really hope ur husband see's how bad that was of her and gives her a good telling off about it! She has to know she can't do things like that!! Xx

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[Robyn_mcl]

I would be fuming too!! Sounds a bit like a MIL I know ... shes the interfering type sometimes too.... but atleast she has her grandchilds best interests at heart... i think i would be very angry if she did that to me. xx

 

[Pinktink23]

the fact that she would do that to you and your LO her grandchild is wrong... i would say something it isnt her choice to decide if you do or dont drink... Your OH should say something but then again hes right that she may deny it.
xxxx

 

[Karate Kid]

the fact that she would do that to you and your LO her grandchild is wrong... i would say something it isnt her choice to decide if you do or dont drink... Your OH should say something but then again hes right that she may deny it.
xxxx

It is completely wrong hun.... she can deny it all she want's I will go on what my mum said and the fact that I could taste alcohol

xx

 

[Karate Kid]

Sorry I'm only seeing this thread now, but omg that is not on!! I can't believe ur MIL would deceive you like that and knowingly put u and ur baby at risk!

I think u have the right idea though about speaking to ur husband about it. I couldn't let something like that go!
I really hope ur husband see's how bad that was of her and gives her a good telling off about it! She has to know she can't do things like that!! Xx

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Trust me hun, I am just taking my time.... hubby is so stressed at the moment so talking about his mum will not be well recieved!! xx

 

[Jayjay027]

Make sure that whenever u do bring it up to tell him that u waited til he wasn't stressed because u didn't want to add to his stress, and that u carried it around with u until u felt it was the right time to bring it up. Make him feel bad, that way he's more likely to do something about it lol x

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[KarenC]

hugs for you, hun. It was very wrong of your MIL to do such a thing, and it doesn't help at all that your hubby can't see it as being particularly bad. My MIL could be a nightmare once LO is born. We are very, very different people and I feel like she thinks sometimes that I've influenced my husband a lot, so that he realizes now what a nutcase she can be. Thankfully we live an hour and a half away from them. Hope you manage to make your hurt and anger known to her in a way that is firm but not too antagonistic. I wouldn't know where to start as I'm a big ball of emotion at the mo! xxx

 

[KarenC]

Oh, but you've gone and made me google Sri Lankan iced coffee now and that's led to all sorts of trouble, reading about Sri Lankan food. Oh my! I think it's lunch time...

 

[Karate Kid]

hugs for you, hun. It was very wrong of your MIL to do such a thing, and it doesn't help at all that your hubby can't see it as being particularly bad. My MIL could be a nightmare once LO is born. We are very, very different people and I feel like she thinks sometimes that I've influenced my husband a lot, so that he realizes now what a nutcase she can be. Thankfully we live an hour and a half away from them. Hope you manage to make your hurt and anger known to her in a way that is firm but not too antagonistic. I wouldn't know where to start as I'm a big ball of emotion at the mo! xxx

I think when I he has the time and I explain things to him rationall rather than in an angry matter he will see my point of view.

It is the same with my MIL, we are just so different, which is fine by me but she does not understand why I can't be different. She definately feels like I have changed my husband a lot and reality he has changed but not for me, he has grown and developed into his own person and is seemingly happy....

In all fairness my mum is a nutcase too but a loveable nutcase and she always apologises when she has upset hubby and has backed off a lot recently (mostly down to the fact that my dad has made her!).

I am glad we live an hour away from them!! I am sure with hubby's help I will be able to make it clear that what she did is wrong.... i just need to be tactful (not one of my strong points!).

xx