Lynds77
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Ok here goes! Will try to keep it short as I can.......
Sunday 30th Sept I was booked in for induction at 40w+1d at 8pm. Arrive at hospital and get told labour suite is busy, so they wont be starting my induction. They put me on the trace and tell me I am actually contracting all by myself, I just cant feel them. They said that as soon as someone clears from labour ward, I will be given my first dose of pessaries.
midnight - nurse arrives and inserts my pessaries. I am still on 2cm dilated, and baby is 4/5 engaged.
2am - I get 2 pains that i would call contractions. I started my hypnobirthing breathing (I had earplugs in) and woke up at 6am with no niggles at all.
6am - get given more pessaries. Am still only 2cm, 3 at a push. Cervix still high
These ones start working and at 11am I start feeling the odd period like pain. I get put on a tace again at 2pm and get told I have been having contractions about 2-3mins apart. Again they were not painful, more just incomfortable.
1700 - moved up to labour suite to get my waters broken. Am put into a gown straight away and told i have to get a cannula fitted for the drip which they were also going to start there and then. I told them I didnt want the drip, I was contracting by myself and could I be given some time after my waters were broken to see what happens? They said i could get 2 hours as i was STILL only 2cm dilated!!!!. So broke my waters which was hideous as because baby was not engaged they had to make sure the placenta and cord etc didnt drop down with the water, so had her hadn right up there for ages and due to my high cervix it hurt like a bitch. Got up got dressed and went down to the dining room with hubby to get some food.
Before we even got food the contractions got very painful. we had to stop a few times in the corridoor so I could hold into the wall until they passed. So we went back up to the labour suite.
we sat and chatted and contractions were not regular but were every 1-3mins or so. I tried to do my hypnobirthing, but for some reason my surge breathing made everything seem more painful! i was also panicking about not dilating and getting put on that bloody drip. They said they wanted me on a trace machine the whole time so I got quite upset. I knew my waterbirth wasnt going to happen, and that I was going to be flat on my back unable to move with a trace and a drip attached to me. NOT what I had wanted.
Hypnobirthing went out the window and I said i wanted an epidural. Didnt even try my tens machine.
they put me on the drip at 1900. Very soon my contractions were getting unbearable. Gas and air was useless............
epidural woman arrived about 2000. It took her 45mins and 3 attempts to get the thing in. All this time I was perched on the edge of the bed hugging a pillow being held still by 3 midwives and my husband. the contractions were thick and fast which made the job more difficult.
finally get the thing in and relief...... down one side. The pain now experienced in my left groin and thigh was incredible. Each contraction made it feel like my leg was on fire. i was screaming in pain. this went on and on, they tried a few different things, like legs in the air, lying on my side, massage etc etc but nothing helped.
my contractions were now about 17sec apart, and i was not getting time to rest. Some of them were double contractions where you build up, hit peak start coming down again then get another peak straight away!
i started screaming for a section, especially when they said baby was starting to get distressed. No bleeding wonder.
i dont know how, but i managed to carry on like this until about 11pm when I told them I just couldnt do this anymore and wanted to die. I literally did. when they checked me at 11pm I was fully dilated. They said i could push. I tried to push, but each time I did the pain down my left side was excruciating. So i just couldnt do it.
The registrar and consultant had been in and I had pretty much abused them, as they said i had to hang on for another 2 hours!!!
I told them they either had to cut the baby out or turn the fucking drip off as I just could cope with the constant contractions.
the epidural woman got called back, and she fiddled with it for a bit and eventually managed to get my left side numb too. HEAVEN!! No pain and the exhaustion hit me. i wanted to sleep.
0300 - told to push. Piece of piss, i couldnt feel a thing and just pushed with everything I had into my bum. I pooped myself but i really didnt care.
0400 - My gorgeous little girl Freya Lisa Farrelly was born weighing 7lb 5oz and put straight onto my chest for skin to skin and for the cord to stop pulsating. She latched on almost straight away and had a good feed.
i had a 1st degree tear on my perineum and my urethra had split too so also required a stitch. A huge pile had appeared out my bum too with all the pushing. That hurts more than the stitches.
got put down to the maternity ward at 7am, and husband was sent home!!!!! So there i was lying in bed, unable to stand up, all on my own with my baby who was crying in her crib next to me and i couldnt even go and pick her up! I spent the next few hours crying my eyes out. I called a midwife and asked that my baby be handed to me. Freya latched on again for another hour. Lights went up on the ward and it got very busy. No chance of sleep or recovery from a long hard labour!
We stayed in hospital the Tuesday night but again got no sleep. Husbands were only allowed in between 11am and 10pm. So morning were not great coping on my own trying to get showered and clean stitches etc etc and trying to breast feed my baby.
We came home on Wednesday afternoon and i think i cried constantly for 2 days. Freya wasnt latching on anymore and we resorted to emergency bottles. As we had been managing to feed ourselves we were not shown any techniques and nobody taught me how to breastfeed properly.
I felt like a failure.
Freya also doesnt sleep at night, but sleeps all day so we are totally bloody knackered as only getting about 3-4hrs sleep per day.
but we are making improvements on the breastfeeding, sometimes she latches on and feeds, and sometimes she doesnt so she gets a bottle. Have stopped beating myself up about it. Am back into hospital tomorrow to see a breastfeeding midwife to help me out a bit. My boobs are like udders and I am expressing all the extra milk. I get about 90mls in a 15min pump on one breast. although my Medela Swing has broken already so I am using a Avent hand pump (which is just as good to be honest)
so it was the most traumatic experience of my life, and its safe to say Freya is going to be an only child!
But i love her so much i cry nearly every time i look at her. I just dont feel worthy enough to be her mother........
Sunday 30th Sept I was booked in for induction at 40w+1d at 8pm. Arrive at hospital and get told labour suite is busy, so they wont be starting my induction. They put me on the trace and tell me I am actually contracting all by myself, I just cant feel them. They said that as soon as someone clears from labour ward, I will be given my first dose of pessaries.
midnight - nurse arrives and inserts my pessaries. I am still on 2cm dilated, and baby is 4/5 engaged.
2am - I get 2 pains that i would call contractions. I started my hypnobirthing breathing (I had earplugs in) and woke up at 6am with no niggles at all.
6am - get given more pessaries. Am still only 2cm, 3 at a push. Cervix still high
These ones start working and at 11am I start feeling the odd period like pain. I get put on a tace again at 2pm and get told I have been having contractions about 2-3mins apart. Again they were not painful, more just incomfortable.
1700 - moved up to labour suite to get my waters broken. Am put into a gown straight away and told i have to get a cannula fitted for the drip which they were also going to start there and then. I told them I didnt want the drip, I was contracting by myself and could I be given some time after my waters were broken to see what happens? They said i could get 2 hours as i was STILL only 2cm dilated!!!!. So broke my waters which was hideous as because baby was not engaged they had to make sure the placenta and cord etc didnt drop down with the water, so had her hadn right up there for ages and due to my high cervix it hurt like a bitch. Got up got dressed and went down to the dining room with hubby to get some food.
Before we even got food the contractions got very painful. we had to stop a few times in the corridoor so I could hold into the wall until they passed. So we went back up to the labour suite.
we sat and chatted and contractions were not regular but were every 1-3mins or so. I tried to do my hypnobirthing, but for some reason my surge breathing made everything seem more painful! i was also panicking about not dilating and getting put on that bloody drip. They said they wanted me on a trace machine the whole time so I got quite upset. I knew my waterbirth wasnt going to happen, and that I was going to be flat on my back unable to move with a trace and a drip attached to me. NOT what I had wanted.
Hypnobirthing went out the window and I said i wanted an epidural. Didnt even try my tens machine.
they put me on the drip at 1900. Very soon my contractions were getting unbearable. Gas and air was useless............
epidural woman arrived about 2000. It took her 45mins and 3 attempts to get the thing in. All this time I was perched on the edge of the bed hugging a pillow being held still by 3 midwives and my husband. the contractions were thick and fast which made the job more difficult.
finally get the thing in and relief...... down one side. The pain now experienced in my left groin and thigh was incredible. Each contraction made it feel like my leg was on fire. i was screaming in pain. this went on and on, they tried a few different things, like legs in the air, lying on my side, massage etc etc but nothing helped.
my contractions were now about 17sec apart, and i was not getting time to rest. Some of them were double contractions where you build up, hit peak start coming down again then get another peak straight away!
i started screaming for a section, especially when they said baby was starting to get distressed. No bleeding wonder.
i dont know how, but i managed to carry on like this until about 11pm when I told them I just couldnt do this anymore and wanted to die. I literally did. when they checked me at 11pm I was fully dilated. They said i could push. I tried to push, but each time I did the pain down my left side was excruciating. So i just couldnt do it.
The registrar and consultant had been in and I had pretty much abused them, as they said i had to hang on for another 2 hours!!!
I told them they either had to cut the baby out or turn the fucking drip off as I just could cope with the constant contractions.
the epidural woman got called back, and she fiddled with it for a bit and eventually managed to get my left side numb too. HEAVEN!! No pain and the exhaustion hit me. i wanted to sleep.
0300 - told to push. Piece of piss, i couldnt feel a thing and just pushed with everything I had into my bum. I pooped myself but i really didnt care.
0400 - My gorgeous little girl Freya Lisa Farrelly was born weighing 7lb 5oz and put straight onto my chest for skin to skin and for the cord to stop pulsating. She latched on almost straight away and had a good feed.
i had a 1st degree tear on my perineum and my urethra had split too so also required a stitch. A huge pile had appeared out my bum too with all the pushing. That hurts more than the stitches.
got put down to the maternity ward at 7am, and husband was sent home!!!!! So there i was lying in bed, unable to stand up, all on my own with my baby who was crying in her crib next to me and i couldnt even go and pick her up! I spent the next few hours crying my eyes out. I called a midwife and asked that my baby be handed to me. Freya latched on again for another hour. Lights went up on the ward and it got very busy. No chance of sleep or recovery from a long hard labour!
We stayed in hospital the Tuesday night but again got no sleep. Husbands were only allowed in between 11am and 10pm. So morning were not great coping on my own trying to get showered and clean stitches etc etc and trying to breast feed my baby.
We came home on Wednesday afternoon and i think i cried constantly for 2 days. Freya wasnt latching on anymore and we resorted to emergency bottles. As we had been managing to feed ourselves we were not shown any techniques and nobody taught me how to breastfeed properly.
I felt like a failure.
Freya also doesnt sleep at night, but sleeps all day so we are totally bloody knackered as only getting about 3-4hrs sleep per day.
but we are making improvements on the breastfeeding, sometimes she latches on and feeds, and sometimes she doesnt so she gets a bottle. Have stopped beating myself up about it. Am back into hospital tomorrow to see a breastfeeding midwife to help me out a bit. My boobs are like udders and I am expressing all the extra milk. I get about 90mls in a 15min pump on one breast. although my Medela Swing has broken already so I am using a Avent hand pump (which is just as good to be honest)
so it was the most traumatic experience of my life, and its safe to say Freya is going to be an only child!
But i love her so much i cry nearly every time i look at her. I just dont feel worthy enough to be her mother........
Sorry to hear you had a traumatic experience hun and u sound like ur doing really well with the breastfeeding/expressing so dont beat urself up! Big hugs 
xxx
you will be a fab mummy & I think to express is great I'm hoping to do the same, far from failure your doing your upmost best!
xx
