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- Jun 11, 2012
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Does anyone else get despondent half way through the 2WW? I dont really know what Im waiting for anyway any more, its just AF really! This month I really couldnt be bothered with it all, we only did it on days 11 and 12 because they fell on the weekend, (apart from the non-fertile days just for fun!) then I said to my husband that we dont have to do it unless we feel like it! He said it was fine as long as we go to bed early, bless him! So we just did it on day 14 as well when I ovulated. It was a really tough week and Ive been very tired and distracted and dont think Id be a very good host to a bean at the moment anyway!
Im fed up with keep being told Im too old, I dont look or feel old and my ovarian reserve is low but not dangerously low, so I could conceive, but Im just not! I keep seeing people with their babies who had them very quickly or by accident, and thinking they should have been ours! Our friends surprise baby was conceived when wed been trying for a year, why couldnt that have been us, then they could have had our turn further down the track once they were ready?! Now were going to have to pay thousands for treatment that might not even work! The % of it not working is higher than it working! Im usually a very positive person but dont want to keep getting my hopes up. I want to feel positive for the vibes just in case I am pg, but just cant at the moment!
Ive also been feeling very angry towards my OH, I told my friend I dont want to resent him for not being ready for a family when I was, she said can I resent him for you?! which was v supportive! She said he was 30, not 20, how selfish! However I think if wed had a surprise pregnancy at the beginning of our relationship it might have put a strain on it and we might not still be together now.
Were going away for a few days next week so Ill take tampons as usual and try not to think about it! How do you stop thinking about something youve always imagined youd do? Small boys usually focus on the job they will have, they dont usually mention family, but girls usually also say they want a house, husband and children, how many small girls would say they want to grow up, have a good job, get married but not have children, and spend the rest of their lives on their hobbies and having nice holidays? Not many I think! How do you stop yourself from thinking about it? Do you lie to yourself and pretend you dont want children? I can distract myself and focus on other things, even try to think of plans for the future that dont include having our own children, but I cant stop myself feeling so sad. Hopefully this is just a dip and Ill feel better in a few days!
Im fed up with keep being told Im too old, I dont look or feel old and my ovarian reserve is low but not dangerously low, so I could conceive, but Im just not! I keep seeing people with their babies who had them very quickly or by accident, and thinking they should have been ours! Our friends surprise baby was conceived when wed been trying for a year, why couldnt that have been us, then they could have had our turn further down the track once they were ready?! Now were going to have to pay thousands for treatment that might not even work! The % of it not working is higher than it working! Im usually a very positive person but dont want to keep getting my hopes up. I want to feel positive for the vibes just in case I am pg, but just cant at the moment!
Ive also been feeling very angry towards my OH, I told my friend I dont want to resent him for not being ready for a family when I was, she said can I resent him for you?! which was v supportive! She said he was 30, not 20, how selfish! However I think if wed had a surprise pregnancy at the beginning of our relationship it might have put a strain on it and we might not still be together now.
Were going away for a few days next week so Ill take tampons as usual and try not to think about it! How do you stop thinking about something youve always imagined youd do? Small boys usually focus on the job they will have, they dont usually mention family, but girls usually also say they want a house, husband and children, how many small girls would say they want to grow up, have a good job, get married but not have children, and spend the rest of their lives on their hobbies and having nice holidays? Not many I think! How do you stop yourself from thinking about it? Do you lie to yourself and pretend you dont want children? I can distract myself and focus on other things, even try to think of plans for the future that dont include having our own children, but I cant stop myself feeling so sad. Hopefully this is just a dip and Ill feel better in a few days!