Hello (need advice!)

[Julie84]

Hello,

My name’s Julie and I’m 21 (with a bit of a dilemma).

I’ve been with my partner for 3 years, known him for almost five and been living together (not quite in domestic bliss but we’re both still alive! ) for about 2 years. We’ve talked about the future and we want children and to be together forever and get married etc. but I think he sees these things as distant things, way off in the future.

And I’m late.

I am/was on the pill (haven’t restarted the pack since my 7 day break when my period didn’t make an appearance) and I am well aware it’s not 100% and made my partner aware too. I did a pregnancy test two days after my period was meant to start but it was negative (although it was a cheapy one off the internet!). Since then I haven’t done anything. I still don’t know how I feel. Lots of emotions; scared, excited, confused, young! As well as very excessively tired and nauseous all the time. Yuck! I don’t feel too bad in myself about this but I am scared of telling my partner, I’m sure he will think I have done it on purpose because I always coo over babies. He is definitely not ready for a baby and I’m not sure if he will come round to it. It wasn’t an ideal time to happen as I was looking for a new job (as my current one is incredibly stressful) but if I am pregnant, I guess I will have to stay as I will need the maternity pay (not sure how these things work?)

Also, we are not in an ideal situation. We rent the two bedroom maisonette we live in and although we have a fairly comfortable life, it would be rather stretched to manage on just Neil’s income. Also, he is a manager of a shop and works between 50 and 70 hours a week and I’m not sure that wouldn’t end up grating on me if we had a baby. *sigh*

The first day of my last period was 20th January. Being on the pill, I have a very regular 28 day cycle and have never ‘missed’ periods. I was ill (a bug going round) during early January, which looking back now, could have affected the effectiveness of the pill I suppose?

I’m scared of doing a test. If it is positive, it all becomes very real and I have to tell Neil. If it is negative, I think I will, truth be told, be very upset and it will be hard explaining that, I don’t think he understands my feelings. If I don’t do any test, I can continue without saying anything, as I don’t really know anything but I wouldn’t have any support (currently a few arguments because I’m so sleepy and irritable all the time!) and I’d be worried that if I am pregnant the baby would have no antenatal care. I’m very close to my mum, but she miscarried a baby (she had me when she was 17 so is still young herself) 6 months ago and I don’t know how to broach the subject.

I suppose (having written it all down and been able to tell someone finally, even if I don’t know any of you! ) things aren’t so bad. If I’m pregnant I’m happy about and want to see it through, even if the worst came to the worst and I ended up single and had to move back in with my mum and family (mum, dad, two brothers, two sisters aged 14, 12, 10 and 3). I hope it doesn’t come to that though. In fact, I could not be pregnant (sorry for wasting your time, if that is the case).

I suppose really I’m mostly confused and have lots of mixed up emotions and no-one to talk to. I can’t share how I’m feeling with Neil, as I feel I am going to have to be the strong one to approach that and I don’t know how to tell my mum, yet. I’m not sure if I want anyone else to know yet but I really wanted to talk to someone about it.

I hope you don’t mind, and I hope you don’t think bad of me if I’m not pregnant. Sorry.

 

[rach]

firstly welcome to the forum nobody will think bad of you wether you are pregnant or not we are not here to judge anyone we are here to chat and support each other and to share experiences good and bad.
first thing you need to do is another pregnancy test and try and find out one way or the other you cant sort anything else out till you know what you are dealing with. it may just be that you didnt bleed this month it can happen now and again and sometimes means you may need to change your pill. i would suggest doing another test 2moro and if its negative see your doctor. maybe in the meantime try talking to your o/h and try and explain things. have you got a close friend who you could maybe confide in who could give you some support in the meantime? good luck and let us know how you go xxx

 

[Julie84]

Thank you.

It's nice having someone to tell you what to do!

That sounds like a good course of action, I think I just needed to have it spelt out to me!

The person I would normally talk to about things like this is my mum. My closest friends live the farthest away and I'm not sure how much better it would be discussing it over the phone? : Added to the fact that most of them are male and would be disgusted if I mentioned periods!

Do you think I would be silly to do a test tonight (I'm feeling more confident I can tackle this now! ) or should I buy one and hold on until tomorrow morning?

Thank you so much for the friendly and supportive words.

 

[nicki]

Hey Julie,

A big welcome to the forum. Like Rach said no one will judge you and you certainly won't be wasting anyones time, so don't feel you can't come on here and ask questions, ask away and we'll all try our best to help and advise. Its so nice to have the support whenever we need it.

I think you should take a test in the morning (best time of the day) and go from there really. It does seem a bit odd that you haven't had your AF yet but I guess the test result could still go either way and whatever it is you'll be able to deal with it and decide what action to take. How old is your OH? Do you think his views would change if you are preggers and it became reality (after the shock has worn off that is )

You sound like you've got a secure relationship, in ther fact that you've talked about marriage & babies etc so you never know he may be ok with having a little bundle of joy, men are funny creatures at the best of times so its hard to gauge how they'll react!

Also I think you should pluck up the courage to talk to your mum, she'll probably appreciate that you felt close enough to come to her about it first.
I'm sorry to hear about her loss, must be awful for her. Do you think she would be happy if you are pregnant and going to bring a new life into the world and see it as something positive after something so awful happening (hope i'm making sense here, its hard to write down what i'm thinking )

Find out for sure whats going on then you'll have a clearer idea what to do next and try not to think about everything all at once i.e work etc it'll all work out right for you in the end.

(Sorry i'm rambling on here ) Anyhoo, let us know what happens, i'm on here throughout the day if you need to chat (I have no life you see!! )

Take Care of you.

Nicki.xx

 

[budge]

hi Julie!

Do another test when ever you feel you want to. Now or in the morning. Im sure you want to do it now

i hope you get the result you want.

 

[Amanda]

Flippin eck Julie! You're really going through the emotions at the minute aren't you?

Hopefully you will already have done a test this morning as the others have suggested. The morning really is the best time of the day. Whatever the outcome, I'm sure everything will be fine. You sound like a very strong person, and although you say you are young, you sound like you know what you are doing. I had my daughter at 22 and you sound much more mature than I was then!!

Good luck with the test, whatever it says.

And welcome to the forum.

 

[emilia]

Hi Julie
Oh golly.... what's girl to do? I'd say, get a decent test and let it put your mind to rest, positive or negative!
I'm sure Neil will come round if he's going to become a daddy.
I wish you lots of luck when testing - hope it is what you want!!
Keep us posted!!!!
Emilia xx

 

[Julie84]

Thanks everyone, you've been a great help.

We have a little Tesco opposite where we live so I nipped out last night to get a test (and a few bits for tea) and they were out of stock! Just my luck!

Anyway, mad dash this morning to get to Asda before work whilst dying for a wee and it was a BFN anyway! Still no sign of AF though and two weeks late (and now worrying that something else is wrong and a pregnancy would be the least of my problems! ) so I guess next stage is having a chat with my GP? My OH is working a late shift tonight so I think it would be an ideal time to ask my mum round for a cup of tea and a chat (although I feel nervous just thinking about it!)

I think the test this morning has made me even more confused. Even before I started taking the pill, I was very regular.

Nicki, my OH is 5 years older than me, will be 27 on Monday so should be mature and old enough to cope with this. He hasn't had much exposure to children whereas with all my brothers and sisters I grew up changing nappies but he is very close to my siblings and they all adore him! When we have had disucssions in the past about marriage, children etc. he has been very willing to discuss, even proposing baby names but I don't think he is actually prepared for it. I think (hope) he would come round but I think it would be very stressful in the meantime (and I imagine it would take most of the 9ish months!) and I think that's what I'm most scared about. I think sometimes he forgets that whatever we are going through affects me too and I might be scared or upset just as much as him.

I think my mum would be over the moon if I was pregnant! I'm just worried about talking to her and getting her hopes and then me not being pregnant and I think it would be hard for her. She'd tell me I was being silly if she read this though!

Thank you so much for all taking the time to respond. You have been a great help and a great source of support (despite not knowing you) and although I am still very much confused I feel that I can tackle the whole situation better now and am feeling stronger. Thank you.

 

[nikki1306]

Hi Julie

Not sure if this helps but i didn't start my pill again after my 7 day break,this was in november. I had a period in december and one in january then this month my period was two weeks late but all my pregnancy tests came back BFN Then yesterday i used a supermarket own brand and got a faint positive,i have done about 5 tests since all with faint positives so i am starting to believe it !!

Which test did you use because i did a first response the day before i got my positive with my first wee of the day and got a BFN and these are ment to detect pregnancy 5 days early,lots of people say that they are rubbish and the cheap ones are better!!

Try another test in a couple of days i nearly gave up hope this month but until AF shows up you still have a chance, i think that when you come of the pill your cycle is messed up and you can't be sure when you are ovulating so can't be sure when to test!!

Get yourself some cheap tests in and do one every 3 days,lets hope you get that BFP in the end!!

Good luck keep us posted xx

 

[Amanda]

Julie, I have to agree with Nikki to try a different type of test. I got BFN's with First Response, but then my BFP's came with Boots and Asda's own. The cheap ones can sometime be the best.

Although, booking an appointment with the gp is definitely a step in the right direction, as is talking to your mum. Being a mum myself, I know I would want to know, never mind what I was going through.

Oh, and Nikki - CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! A faint line is a line!!!!

 

[Julie84]

Congratulations Nikki!

How annoying about the tests! I think they were First Response, as early as 5 days before AF and any time of the day?! Pff!

I shall get myself off to Boots tomorrow then and get some from there - it's an expensive old business!

I think the fact that I am insisting on trying more tests must mean I'm hoping for a BFP - confusing but quite exciting. I'm going to have a chat with my mum tonight and hopefully that will spur me on to talk about it with Neil. He might be really upset that I don't feel I can talk about it with him.

 

[nikki1306]

Hi Julie

It sure is exspensive i have spent about £50 in the last two weeks and have found myself testing twice a day it can get a bit obsessive

It sounds like it was the first response that you used so i would't go by that. I used a boots one today and they are only £6.50 for 2 tests and got a faint positive!! I still have one left so will do that sunday morning (see i get a positive and am still testing,need help )

It's a good idea that you have a chat with your mum for some support and advice,i am sure she will be able to help you

Take care,don't worry,let us know how you get on xx

 

[budge]

did you do another test Julie?

 

[nicki]

Hiya,

I was wondering too if you've done another test and how did it go with your Mum? Hope you're ok.

Nicki.xx

 

try not to worry about telling your bloke, you wud be surprised, ive not been with my bloke that long and fell pregnant while on the pill, i was soo scared but when i rang him crying my eyes out worried what he would say as we hadnt spoken about having kids etc, his response was "stop crying you silly cow, its great news" and ever since hes been a great dad, bit of a shock but men can have a sensitive side too, and they get just as excited about the thought of a little mini them to play footy with etc.

just keep smiling and fingers crossed u get your BFP and your OH is just as excited, keep us posted

take care
love elaine and little pickle

 

[Julie84]

Aww, thank you, it's so nice to think you have been thinking about me. Sorry I didn't get back sooner, internet has been being naughty!

My mum 'forgot' she was meant to be coming round for a cup of tea (it might not have helped that I said it wasn't that important ) so I bit the bullet and told Neil. And I was so surprised - he didn't go mad, or quiet, or not talk or get silly, he was really supportive and said we would be alright whatever happened.

However, I did another test this morning and yet another BFN. Didn't manage to phone the doctor's today so will have to make that a priority tomorrow morning. Was having a look around the internet this evening and no AF and extreme tiredness (and a BFN!) can also be symptoms of thyroid disease. Now, I'm really worried!

I'll let you know how everything goes and thank you for all your support (still got my fingers crossed that perhaps my dates are all muddled and a BFP will turn up soon! ).

 

[nikki1306]

Hi Julie

It's nice that you was able to talk to Neil and great that he is being supportive.

Don't worry yourself with all the things you could have (hard i know), when you come of the pill it can take a while for your body to get back to normal and start ovulating. For some people it can take months !!

My dates are all muddled i haven't got a clue how far pregnant i am , my ticker says 6 weeks but it's probably more like 4. The first day of my last period was the same as yours and i didn't get my BFP till the end of last week,so you may have ovulated slightly later than me and fingers crossed you will get your BFP!! soon

Good luck let us know how you get on at the docs xx