Fallen out of love

[Misscoco]

Iv been the my OH for nearly two years.He is alot older then me,i won't say old but m 21.Im pregnant with our first baby (33 weeks)

Its a long story but i will try and keep it short.

When I first met him it wa really magical,held my hand and treated me really well.He was really nice and romantic.Then he told me he still lived with his ex.I was a virgin when we met.But i gave him an ultimatum me or her (i wish i didn't now) couple months she moved out and he is now in the process of buying her out.

After that i realised he wasn't who i thought he was.He is messy,doesn't clean up.very boring.We have nothing in common anymore.He has dated younger women,but not as young as me.

He is waaay older then me,old enough tobe my dad and older than my uncle.He doesn't look his age,he is always at the gym.Doesn't have any friends.He works from home,and sits at the computer working (from 11 till 7:30) His cats come first.He believes animals need more help than starving humans because they can't talk.

He has three cats and i don't want them in the same room as the baby.he thinks its okay and they won't d anything to the baby.I can't even sleep in the bed because since i got bigger i can't take the cat hair,plus they walk all over me and my baby bump So i sleep in the spare bedroom.Its his house so i don't say anything.He even talks to the gils cat and cuddles her more than he cuddles me.He doesn't understand me and i don't understand him.Im prepared to try living at his house.
i live in brimingham and he lives near Ludlow.
So i have been painting the babys room.He does not do manual labour.

I was at Uni and i left the course because it was not for me,soon after i found out i was expecting.We talked about abortion and i said i didn't believe in it.I thought things would get better (I know it sounds horrible,but if i could go back...)

I use his laptop a couple months ago he left his email up.I didn't want to read it,but my last boyfriend was on the net chatting up another girl.

I found out he was talking to a friend about me.saying he wished he had never gone through with the pregnacy and that he was fed up about me moaning about his cats and how he can't go to the gym so much when the baby is born (goes nearly 5 days a week) She told him not to let me use our baby as an excuse.Before that he was on a russian website chatting up girls.He told me he does it to find scammers who try to scam men out of money.I know he use to do it,but i saw the messages.Before that he told his other friend i was very arrogrant.Now he made me my own account on his laptop.

So i told him he can go whenever he wants.I will not ask him where he is going or who he talks to.
I wrote him a six paged letter about how i felt and we talked.Nothing has changed.He will neve change,he is so boring.He tlks about borin things and i just listen,every night its the same.watched tv go to bed fat cat walks on me in the middle of te night.I go in the spare room.

I feel so alone,i sit in my room (at my moms house) and just cry,beause i know deep down i made the biggiest mistake of my life and i can't go back.I have no one to talk to.I sit in silence,when we are together.Tonight we are going out for a meal and il just sit and listen to him and agree and nod
I spend my days just paint and drawing art.I even brought Monopoly game board and begged him to play with me,instead of sitting infront of the tv all the time and have a little fun.he said no.I don't even like going to the cinemas anymore and it used to be my favourite thing.Because i see all the couples around me hugging and cuddling.I have never been so miserbale.

I can't find any women groups to go to.Nothing to do in Ludlow/Shropshire,No younger girls or councilling.
im black and he is white,so people look at me funny and stare around his area.I can' drive so i can escape.But i have decided to buy and leave a cot at my mothers becuase deep down inside i know its not going to work.I have fallen out of love with him and i only see him as a friend.I wish i could have gone back and left i that way.

Sorry my story is long.I will delete if it takes up the board.I just want someone lady friends to talk to.

Thanksxx

 

[nik106]

Misscoco, i'm so sorry you're in this situation! I'm not near you physically but you're always more than welcome to chat to me (i'm on here a lot!) if you need someone to talk to. I'm pretty certain you won't have to delete your post, the board is designed to offer support.

I think buying a cot for your mum's house is a really good idea, even if your relationship was working, with the distance between your mum's and his, it would mean you had a cot for your little one should you want to visit your mum.

If you are really really unhappy, is it worth you staying with him? From what you've said about his emails, it sounds like neither of you are happy together. I know the prospect of being a single mum is probably really daunting to you and something you didn't ever envisage nor want, but if it meant that you could be away from an unhappy relationship, it might be the answer.

You can't undo the past, and i think its silly to spend your life with regrets, they'll just make you miserable, i'd like to think on my death bed i'll be thinking of all the good things in my life rather than all the things i wish i had or hadn't done. Your little one, whether he sees it or not, is one of those good things! When he/she is older, then you'll be able to look back with pride about how they've turned out, despite the regrets you have at the moment, and how that is all down to you!

 

[spice]

Misscoco, i'm so sorry you're in this situation! I'm not near you physically but you're always more than welcome to chat to me (i'm on here a lot!) if you need someone to talk to. I'm pretty certain you won't have to delete your post, the board is designed to offer support.

I think buying a cot for your mum's house is a really good idea, even if your relationship was working, with the distance between your mum's and his, it would mean you had a cot for your little one should you want to visit your mum.

If you are really really unhappy, is it worth you staying with him? From what you've said about his emails, it sounds like neither of you are happy together. I know the prospect of being a single mum is probably really daunting to you and something you didn't ever envisage nor want, but if it meant that you could be away from an unhappy relationship, it might be the answer.

You can't undo the past, and i think its silly to spend your life with regrets, they'll just make you miserable, i'd like to think on my death bed i'll be thinking of all the good things in my life rather than all the things i wish i had or hadn't done. Your little one, whether he sees it or not, is one of those good things! When he/she is older, then you'll be able to look back with pride about how they've turned out, despite the regrets you have at the moment, and how that is all down to you!

this is exactly what i was going to say!
i'm afraid i also don't live near you, but just like nik i'm on here often! wishing you the best of luck with everything x

 

[Olive]

Hi hun,

I'm so sorry to read your post and how unhappy you sound. I know it's easier said than done, but life's too short. I think you should move back in with your Mum and be happy. I'm sure you'll be a great mum and surely its better for lo if you're happy, and your OH.



xx

 

[sgregory20]

You poor thing, i live in Essex, wish it was nearer. You should leave and concentrate on a happy life with you and baby.
you can get over this with the help of your mum.
do you want my number? x

 

[sgregory20]

You poor thing, i live in Essex, wish it was nearer. You should leave and concentrate on a happy life with you and baby.
you can get over this with the help of your mum.
do you want my number? x

 

[sgregory20]

You poor thing, i live in Essex, wish it was nearer. You should leave and concentrate on a happy life with you and baby.
you can get over this with the help of your mum.
do you want my number? x

 

[FebMum2Be]

Hi hun, sounds like you're having a rough time I agree with everything Nik has said, she is spot on.. You have a beautiful baby to look forward to, you don't have to stay with him just because you are pregnant, it sounds like you are miserable if I'm being brutally honest We are always here, stay on the forum, it's great place for support xxx

 

[CustardCream]

This post made me so sad i hope your okay xxxxxx You sound so sad, maybe a break away would be what is needed? He sounds like he doesnt deserve you

 

[FeeGee]

I would go against the grain and say do nothing and see how things go after your babies born, you don't know how things will pan out, life with a baby is completely different and you both might find that love you had for each other - I would just say give you all a chance as a threesome, don't so anythng rash ((hugs)) xxx

 

[giggles1982]

I going through the same hun, hubby totally changed now i'm pregnant and looks like were gonna split, but as my very wise sister said to me, never regret as this whole situation has given you the most precious thing ever, your baby.

You will be an excellent mummy and if he being like that then he doesnt deserve you! Do whats right for you and your baby however hard it seems it will be worth it in the end, you cant stay if its not right! xx

 

[Maria1977]

Can't offer any advice other than what all the other girls have said.

Life is defo too short, and you have a beautfiul baby to look fwd to, you don't need anything making you miserable right now because life is gonna have a big change soon and you need to be 100% focused on that little one that is on the way. And an unhappy mummy will make an uphappy baby.

Also, with regards the cats, I too LOVE animals. We have a cat and a dog and our cat is not allowed near our baby, and the dog is never left alone with him either. The cat used to be able to sleep in our room, now he is shut downstairs during the night if he's in. There is no way I'm going to risk him clawing at my baby when I'm asleep. I know the cat might not even mean to hurt him, but it could happen, and if he did want to hurt him it wouldn't be hard with a cats claws and teeth. And also the fur is not good.

Babies and animals don't really mix. Nothing wrong with having pets and babies, obviously we do it, but babies come first!

xxxxxx

 

[Misscoco]

He sleeps with every door open,this includes the backdoor,because one of them can't fit through the cat flap he believes that the cats will not harm the baby.I told him the cats should not be allowed in main bedroomand the nursery.He said they will not be,but i am buying a cot for my mums just incase.

 

[Misscoco]

I would just like to thank all of you for replying.We went out for a meal last night,it was fun,i had a nice tme,But then today it went downhill.I asked him to ask his ex when she would be picking up the rest of her things and she replied 'whenever'.

Her bags of clothes and everything is in the spare room,my mother wants to come and stay with us near my due date,to help as we both don't know a thing about babies.
He has not mentioned a thing about it.The babies room is still packed up.kitcken is a mess.I just can't handle doing everything on my own.
Im 34 weeks pregnant today,i use to do so much and now im tired an depressed,can't stop crying.

I mean even today he had to take one of the cats to the vet,he says he is always busy with work.He can't even tape up the babies room for me to paint or clear out the spare room for my mum.The cat doesn't even have anything wrong with her,her eye closes sometimes,she has to have dropes.He took her to the vet even though she opened her eye since yesterday.

Tomorrow we are going to the hospital tour to see where the baby will be born.I am just going t go and finish painting the babies room.il sleep in the spare room with everything in it and then let him no i won't be moving in with him when the baby is born.

It really makes me upset and cry becuase he has the time to take the cats to the vet but cant even tape up the room so i can just get on and paint. or clear out the spare room for when my mum come to stay and i just sit here crying all the time.

But thank you very much,all of you.I'm very greatful for your advice.
is anyone on msn?

xxx

 

[Maria1977]

If things don't change when he firsts holds his newborn, then they never will. Honestly I LOVE my cat and dog, and before my son they were #1 and I always thought i'd never have a baby and all my love went into my cat esp, but once I was pregnant it changed for me (for blokes is different, either at scans or once baby is here it hits home lol), but honestly there is nothing like the love you feel for your child, it's not comparible, so if he is still obssessing over the cats once LO is born I doubt he will ever change!

Just corner him and make him get things done, that's what I had to do lol xxxx

 

[FebMum2Be]

I'm not on msn hun, but you can always PM me on here, or on FB if you have it? You shouldn't have to paint/decorate a room at 34 weeks pregnant hun it's heavy work, try to relax as much as you can x

 

[FeeGee]

I've got cats but no way would I let them sleep in my daughters room. For the record they've never tried to suffocate her and now they avoid her like the plague - they were my number 1's, but they do end up taking a back seat once a baby comes along - you find daytime is babys time and evening is cats time.

 

[Geminiblue]

OH DEAR GOD I wanted to give you a massive hug. Right, you cant change the past as the others have said and I believe everything happens for a reason EVERYTHING GOOD AND BAD. So this miracle you are having may be the turning point for you, but unfortunatley I dont think for him. A lot of men cant connect with a baby til its born but the fact that you are both not connected at all sends massive alarm bells. Having a baby strengthens a love that you have and makes an enemy of a partner at times, its a very hard situation if as you have said you dont even love him.

Go to your mums where you will get the support and if he comes for you and wants to make a go of it then you can make your decision then. Your midwife wil put you in contact with local young mothers to be groups, so give her a call. Your doctor will have that information so you could also tell them how you are feeling really down atthe moment
Take care honey xxx

 

[Cantstop]

You poor thing, I just want to give you a big cuddle after reading your posts. He sounds pretty shabby leaving you to decorate the baby's room, especially heavily pregnant. The cat situation also sounds pretty weird - you sleep with the back door open?! I have a cat and a dog and they both need constantly watching around the baby. It sounds like he gives you no support - having to sleep in the spare room cos he won't ban the cats from the main bedroom is awful! We had to ban our cat from our bedroom cos I didn't want her hair all over the bed when LO was in there and yeah, she wasn't happy about it but when the baby is involved (and you, his partner!), it's just tough luck moggy - they soon get used to it! He's putting his cats before you and your baby - no wonder you feel depressed. I think you really deserve to be happy and enjoy this time and your baby, and if he can't offer this maybe moving back in with your mam, where you'll get support, help and love, is a good option to have.

I know you said you may have made a different decision if you went back, but obviously there's nothing you can do about that now, but it would be a shame if you stay with him, things don't change, and a year from now you're looking back wishing you'd done something to make yourself happy now. Sorry I'm a bit rambley, it's late n I'm tired! I hope things get better soon x

 

[Misscoco]

Thank you or the reply.Yes i know,the cats are like children to him.I don't think he is ready for me moving in andthe baby and i can't keep cleaning up after him.The only reason the back door is open is bcause one of the cats can't fit through.I can't even sleep without them walking all over me and my bump and he cuddles more with them than me.I don't think he will change at all.I wish he would banish them from his bedroom but they are like children to him.I mean he can't even go away to work in America because of them or take a trip with me