Emotional rollercoaster

[Tina14]

How do people cope after experiencing a m/c?

I have now been through the worst experience of my life. Having been told that there was no heartbeat at our 13 weeks scan, everything since has just been a blur.

I was encouraged to have medical management, after my gut feeling was to have surgery. I should have gone with that. The experience I went through at hospital was traumatic. The ward was horrible, the nurses unsympathetic. Lack of communication; I was left in a room on my own for three days. Not one person asked me how I was feeling. I even had to ask for lunch on one day as they forgot I was there.

So following a shit situation made worse by this, I am left feeling all over the place.
I am having time off work for a few weeks and my partner and family have been amazing. But I just cannot shake off this anxiety. It's now affecting my sleep - I am having night terrors. I have this permanent knot in my stomach.

I am doing all the things that I would advise my patients (Im a mental health nurse) and they help short term - exercise, talking, activities etc.. But its just awful. I was drinking wine every evening (not excessively) but now Ive stopped as its only short term relief.

I am going to the doctors this evening.
I even tried to read some of the threads on here to see if they help, but I just cant bring myself to do it.

what other coping strategies have helped for people?
what has helped in general?

We want to get pregnant again as soon as really, but Im getting confused with all information out there. Do I need to take a pregnancy test after the m/c? I was given no advice/support/information from the hospital.

 

[BunnyN]

So sorry for what you are going through. Loosing a baby is heartbreaking under any circumstances but to have such lack of empathy and support (not to mention bad care, I mean forgetting to give you lunch, come on people) must make it so much more stressful. I think most of the women I have spoken to who had a MC went through a period of depression. It hit me hard about 3 weeks after. All I can say is that it does get better. At the moment it feels like it will always be like this. You will always feel sadness and miss your baby but it it will get more manageable with time. Don't rush yourself. It is a process and will take plenty of time.

It great that your family is supportive. After such a traumatic time its easy to isolate yourself. No one quite gets what you are going through and they say the wrong thing sometimes. It is really important to talk about how you are feeling though, especially with your partner. For me when things felt hopeless a good heart with OH was the only thing that helped. It didnt take it away but made it feel a bit lighter. The ladies on here are great too because they get what you are dealing with.

Hugs. Xxx

 

[Clementine]

Hi Tina , I'm really sorry for your loss, I have had two missed miscarriages and I know the pain of finding out that your baby has no heartbeat even though you thought all was ok. I had surgical management both times, for me I had spotting for a few days and got a negative hpt about 21 days after the D&C and then ovulated 3 days later around 23 days after D&C. My mechanisms for coping , talking, walking, work as this kept my mind occupied, Mindfulness 3 minute & 5minute meditations, I also took Vitamin B Complex, Selenium, Zinc, Magnesium, Vitamin D.
I would ask the GP to check all your bloods including FBC, Thyroid TSH, Free T4, B12, Folate to check that your bloods are all ok. It is natural to feel overwhelmed / sad and anxious but talking to your GP should help. Take one day at a time xx

 

[Tina14]

thank you so much for your reply. It really means a lot.
I've been wanting to post on here since it happened, but I've been staying clear of anything pregnancy related really (well, as much as possible).

It's three weeks now for me - which is similar to what happened with yourself. and yeah, it appears to be hitting me again big time. I now keep getting flashbacks to the hospital. I was asked on three separate occasions "how do you want us to dispose of the product?". Is this normal?!? Is this what they actually say?!?

I guess, I just continue with talking to my OH, occupying myself etc. Its just this ball of anxiety inside. I just cant shake it.

It also feels reassuring (in a weird way) that there are others other there who feel the same. That they too have been through this.
It's just horrible

xxx

 

[BunnyN]

I had a traumatic time in a different kind of way. I ended up quite poorly and actually almost died during the MC so everyone knew it had happened. Everyone was lovely and supportive and worried about me. To start with I was sad but glad it was over and concentrating on getting better. 3 weeks on I was doing better physically but felt like I was only just getting a chance to start grieving propperly. I did get flashbacks too, all that blood . Part of what made it hard was it seemed like other people thought I was better and had moved on to other things which made it feel really lonely. Before it happened to me I have friends who had MCs and I think I probably acted the same. If it happens to someone I know again I would be so much more sympathetic and know that it takes months not weeks to start feeling half normal again.

Calling your baby "the product" seems so insensitive but it is unfortunately what they call it. I guess it is good that they ask because some women want to save their baby to so something special with it and would be really upset if it got accidentally thrown away. Others havent really thought about it until they are asked but would regret it after. Some women rather not think about it or see anything and are happy for the hospital to deal with it. I think its a totally personal thing and there is no right or wrong way.

 

[Tina14]

Hi.
Sorry for late reply, Ive been actively trying to spend time doing things that help - gardening, seeing friends etc.
I went to the doctor and told him about this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. He wanted to prescribe me anti-depressants. I explained that I wasn't depressed, that everything I was feeling was appropriate to the situation. But wanted short term help for the anxiety. After trying again to prescribe me anti-depressants, he finally gave me some propranolol. Which helped me when I have suffered with anxiety due to grief in the past.

thank you for your kind words. and yeah, I see what you mean how people thinking you have moved on, when infact it's still there. I too will react differently if I ever know somebody in this awful situation.

Think I am ready to maybe read some of the posts in this section to maybe gain some support etc. xxx