Don't know what to think!!

[Claire19]

My OH left his phone at home when he went to work the other day and asked me to take it with me so I could answer anything that came through.
being a bit curious I looked through his texts - I have no Idea why because I trust him 100%.
he still had contact with his ex has they have a son together, so understandably they still text now and again regarding their son!
I went all the way back to when we first started seeing each other a year and Half ago, and was shocked that they met up whilst he was taking me on 'dates' to talk about 'us'.
they went through a bad break up and I don't know much about what happened as he 'hates' her.
some of these texts off my OH was 'I still love you. I always will'
he took me to a westlife concert on our 3rd date - the tickets he brought for her bday (which I was aware of) -and I noticed that she some how was also at the concert and they were texting each other throughout saying 'this song makes me think of the way we were'
I know my OH didn't want to split up with his ex and it was all her doing, but I cant understand why he started taking me on dates if he still felt this way about his ex!
I read through most of his texts off his ex and the only time they seemed to stop the flirty texts was when she seemed to start seeing someone else. but it was exactly the same time as when we decided to be together properly.
now I'm confused as to if he just got with me because she started seeing someone else or because he genuinely wanted too!!
now I hate myself for looking and keep thinking that he still loves her and wants to be with her!!! ARRGGH.

 

[BabysMomma]

Hey hun

Maybe he was going through a period of not knowing how he felt which had no reflection on you. If he was the one that originally didn't want to break up with his ex then her playing mind games with him until someone else came along wasn't nice of her at all.

It sounds like their break up was quite raw still for him when you guys got together and as I mentioned, he may have been confused if she was messing with his emotions.

If there was anything to it, I'd say that he wouldn't want you anywhere near his phone or to even answer any incoming calls. I'm sure he'll have feelings for her as the mother of his child but I'd say that the past is just that, the past and that he loves you.

If it is worrying you, maybe you could mention to him that you read the texts and how its made you feel...but it'd be a hard one actually blurting it out I guess.

I really don't think that there's anything to worry about or he would've deleted the texts from then. Not unless there have been recent flirtacious texts and declarations of love. If it all stopped around the time she met someone else and you guys got together properly, it just shows that they both realised they were going nowhere with each other and that he genuinely wanted to make a go of it with you. Well, that's my 2p worth

Hope you're alright. x

 

[Claire19]

thank you hun.
I think I just needed to hear that off someone else because i know he would never hurt me/cheat on me, but was just playing in my head over and over!

I can understand that he didn't know me or care about me when we first starting dating and I don't blame him for trying to work things out with his sons mother! i'd want to do the same as its not just his relationship that he was losing.
he went through counselling after the split because of the way she treated him and he's quite open he had to go through that.
we was constantly falling out/arguing over my male mates because he thought I was going to run off with one of them, so deep down i know he was only trying them to keep his family together.

another thing was yesterday he was looking through the pictures on his work phone and there was a picture of her, he said sorry that I had to see that and that he didnt know it was still on there and deleted it straight away! That kind of got me thinking cause he has only had that phone 10 months - he said it was his old memory card though our of his previous work phone.
I think i Just needed to get it off my chest and tell someone what i saw because it's eating me up, I think its mainly guilt that I went through his things! think I may have to fess up else it's going to drive me insane. hopefully he will forgive me! I feel so stupid! xxx

 

[BabysMomma]

He sounds like a decent fella chick. He also appears to be very open and honest with you which is a fantastic thing. From what you've said, it seems as though you both have went through a lot and have come out of it all a stronger couple.

And if he didn't care about you, he wouldn't have argued with you over your male friends

If you do tell him about reading the texts, I would just say that you didn't read them cos you distrust him, it was more being nosey which I think we're all guilty off at some stage. I'm sure he'll forgive you hunni as its apparent that he has nothing to hide from you. x

 

[Maria1977]

I think babysmomma is right in everything she's said. He sounds like a decent guy.

Breakups are hard, especially if you still care for the person and I'd imagine a child to boot is gonna make it even harder. Sometimes ppl care for each other but aren't suited for a relationship.

I understand that you must be wishing you hadn't read the texts, but try not to let it get in the way. He is with you now and he obviously had no worries about the phone being in your possession so I doubt he was trying to hide any of the phones contents from you.

xxxxxxxx

 

[Xcitedmum]

I agree with what Babymomma is saying - however I am not sure you should rock the boat by admitting to reading the texts. You are happy that it was a long time ago and seem to have accepted that he was gutted they split and that his ex was stringing him along til she met someone new. There is nothing to be gained from your admission.

Yes you may feel guilty but why plant the seed in his head that maybe you don't fully trust him when actually you were just being nosey and really do trust him?

Is this making sense?! I hope you can see what it is I am trying to say in a very long winded way!

 

[Claire19]

yeah your making sense hah! I think so anyway - just one of those things that are better kept unsaid!?

we definitely have been through a lot and definitely come out stronger than we expected. just sometimes think that if he was just on 'the rebound' when we first starting seeing each other - will he still want to be with me in a few years time? :/

what makes it worse is that his ex absolutely hates me and I have no idea why! think that's partly why I read them to see if she actually mentioned why as I've never seen her face to face. I think that's something to do with her son talking about me all this time though according to my OH's mom! I dont know why it bothers me but I think I would have liked to be able to say hello and maybe be civil with each other if we ever needed to meet!

and then i think the other part was because he his constantly so nice, giving me whatever I want, buying me presents unnecessarily that I sometimes think its too good to be true, I came out of a very abusive, violent relationship and going from that to what i have with my OH is very weird!!

thank you all for you reassuring words! I know for one thing I will never read his messages again!
xxxxx